The Sad Ping Pong Queen Vol 10

Hi all!

As usual, the disclaimer: if you have been reading the series, thanks again. if you have arrived by accident, after a long while, or just passing through, pls click on the right side panel for the start of this series (vol 2 will connect you to vol 1, vol 6 will connect you to all the previous vol on this series). Very sorry about this, but we are in the mid-end of a running series, so there's a lot of character buildup and plot twist, so pls take some time to update from the start. :) Thanks!


It's highly impossible for me to even stick around on anything for so long, so having the PPQ series reach its 10th episode is a wonder in itself to behold, not just its contents.

so while everyone has been faithfully updating on the series, i thank you all. Hope it has been as exciting to read as it is to write.

Without further ado, here's the latest installment.


*************************************


'The weighing machine is spoilt!' came the plaintive wail as i walked over. It was a Wednesday Evening and the office gym was packed with office people trying to get fit. Well, some will walk leisurely and pose in front of the mirror after every pump of the iron, while some, instead on concentrating on their breathing, are furtively looking around the room for someone 'to lend a hand to', it takes all sorts to visit the gym. PPQ, for all her flights of fancy, religiously uses the gym really to get fit. I mean, I think so. Well, what i really think, i probably can't write down or ppl will say I'm biased.


In any case, today is to answer the OTHER question that has not been posted in the previous entry, mainly because our subject wasn't PPQ last time. It's to disclose the 5kg-bag-of-rice-overestimate to our darling innocent. Actually, this episode almost didn't happen. After i had given PPQ the challenge and the hug (which I've been bathing 5 times a day to wash off the imprint unsuccessfully), in typical AKK fashion, I've gotten lazy and tired again. You see, the immediate gratification of emotional uncertainty i bestowed on her had been served, resulting in a sudden accumulation of gym 'hurghh!!!' (pumping grunts) per week, so after the 3rd day seeing her enter the office looking grey-eyed and 'ouching' her way tenderly whenever she moved from her seat, I had naturally felt guilty enough to not go through with the final insult to injure her equally tender emotional status by showing her I wasn't that heavy to begin with.


So this current episode exists because after the Bacardi moment, a close fren of mine, who had been following my series diligently, almost collapsed in agitation when I merely hinted that I was going to be nice about the whole weight issue. After enduring a half-hour of scolding, first on my laziness, then on PPQ's lousy-shame-to-all-women tirade, said fren finally cajoled me by saying that she is much too interested in what PPQ's reaction would be than to worry about the morality of sniggering at other people's weaknesses.


Hence I relented and played out the whole scene with artistic aplomb.


Never let it be said that AKK is a bad fren. The glee that came with it is moot.


Back to the scene of the crime. PPQ's wail carried like a whale's ultrasound. It was too soft and high to be detected in normal-day communication, but its persistent tinny texture grates on the chalkboard of your nerves so much that while you probably missed the dialogue, you can easily detect the buzzing quality fom across the length of the room.


For my part, I had also diligently took up exercising again. It's true that motivation can drive a person to do great things, but motivation from PPQ drove me up the wall. Never had I felt so much energy at the prospect of starting the exercise regime once more. Perhaps anyone would be able to throw off that mantle of disgust, but every single step I pounded onto the treadmill, a litany of 'I want to be smaller than PPQ' rolled off like a tape recorder.


So by the time Wednesday came around (so good I was, I gave her 2 weeks), I was feeling great and happier than ever. seeing her walking over to the scale made my heart leap in joy (and shudder at my fren's chiding). Now's the time.


'What is?' I chirped from behind her. I had been running, I'm sure she smelt me first. PPQ did an impressive pirouette in horror. i must admit that ever since she started irking me, every single action of hers looked over-done and cutesy. She's the equivalent of a wet market Auntie in Ah Lian get-up with full make-up. OK, so I'm getting personal, sue me. Never tarry with a woman's weight.


'Oh Akk,' she breathed, chest heaving in affront. 'I think the scale is spoilt. It's showing the wrong numbers.'


I looked at the electronic scale. It was patiently registering '0' while waiting for a customer.


'I don't see how, it's balanced.' I pointed out.


'I'll show you.' and she stood on it. The electronic numbers jumped to 60kg.


'See?' she exclaimed. 'It's spoilt! a week ago, it showed me 58kg! There must be something wrong. I worked out quite a lot, should have gone down again this week.' Her voice was pitching higher, an indication her Majesty is getting upset.


'I really am 58kg!' As if I didn't believe her. 'Why don't you try it and tell me if it's showing a few kgs heavier. If I remember, you're 57kg, right?'


She remembers! Why am I not surprised?


I shrugged and stood on the scale. Unlike PPQ, I kept all my gear on, shoes, towel and handphone. The numbers whirred and settled, to my delight, on 50kg.


I heard a gasp behind me and had to keep a straight face. It was that or start sniggering. The heavens had suddenly decided to rain lavishly on PPQ's parade. Not only was I a rice-bag lighter, according to the scale, I had gone down another 2. Furthermore, she had apparently gained some since last week.


I turned around. What was on her face was indescribable, like art is sometimes indescribable. Closest I could get? Possibly art by Edvard Munch.

Note the twist of the hips.




The actress in me raised to the occasion. Somehow seeing her overly bewildered look had made me slightly pissed too. What? Like I really don't look my weight at all? Geez....I forced a surprised look that mirrored hers and used the same breathless voice she used on me. If she had been less shocked, she would surely recognise the caricature.


'Oh My GOD!!! I'm so light? It can't be! OH my GOODNESS!' I gushed, pretending to be amazed. Then the metaphoric knife stab. 'Man, I think you are right! The scale doesn't seem very accurate!' I frowned concernedly at her horrific expression.


'We need to tell the trainer.' I continued. 'People can't go around imagining they are heavier or lighter than they should be.' And promptly I left the scene and made a fruitless trip to the staff room and made them fruitlessly switch the machine on and off using, of all things, PPQ as their weighing gauge.


I slipped away to bathe when PPQ got all angry trying to explain away to the staff why she should be 58kg, not 60kg, do you understand me? I did not put on any weight! the scale is still spoilt! And she lost 7kg, how is that possible, your scale is so unreliable!


While things couldn't have ended better in such a cinematic way, I was feeling slightly out-of-sorts the rest of the day. I supposed it's the guilt. I'm not that nice a person, but feeding people their own medicine has made me sick, because some people's medicine are really hard to swallow, even for themselves. While PPQ is probably suffering from the episode, she'll no doubt have learnt at least one thing she should never do. Comparing with others. If I were in her shoes, I'll probably never talk about my weight again and instead quietly lose all my kgs until I can finally fit that dream dress I bought to motivate myself, then go to work in triumph.



So for the next day, Jill and another close colleague, Keisha, after chortling delightfully at my summarised account, began to note a slight droop in my smile, so affected was I. Uncertain of my feelings (probably PMS) and knowing that I was being childish for cranking PPQ up, I kept to myself at the workplace. The self-imposed punishment ended abruptly on day 2 when Jill and Keisha yanked me out from my lab and plonked a bottle of Bacardi raspberry (yay!) unceremoniously on my lap in an undisclosed location (meant for slacking...SSShhhh...).


Then Keisha, the tall Amazon, who can easily fell me with a punch, sat across me in a serious manner and began her story.


***********************************



Keisha was a strapping tall lady with a very well-proportionate figure. And because of her height, she'll never be described as slim or small. She had wide shoulders that would make any model green with envy but meant she only wore size L clothes in the Asian context. To put it as accurately as possible, Keisha is eye-catching because of her height, straight shoulders and toned figure in the local sense. She had that kind of figure most men would look twice in admiration and women to look twice in awe, and not always positively. The word 'petite' will be applied to her only in a Caucasian community. What I am trying to say is: She neither fat nor consumptive. She is just right for her frame, but insipid stoopid Asian women will call her a Giant or simply Large.


And thus, the camera reverses and pans to a scene in the pantry a few months ago before all the hoo-haa started. It arrows in on one such stoopid, insipid woman, who was clueless that she'll be arguing with the weighing scale come the future. If she had known, she might not be snacking so happily on corn chips then.


The issuing conversation occurred when another colleague entered the pantry.


'These corn chips are great! You want some?'


'Oh no! No nachos for me! They just go directly to my hips. I like them so much that once I start, I cannot stop, confirm will turn into an elephant!' joked the slim colleague.


'Nonsense!' exclaimed PPQ, who couldn't stop eating the chips. 'If you are an elephant, I must be a dinosaur.'


On cue, Keisha entered the pantry to see both gals laughing. She smiled and asks, 'What's so funny?'


A sudden burst of more laughter from PPQ, who was clutching her stomach from an inner joke and then...


'Oh wait! If I'm a dinosaur, then what is Keisha?!'




**********************************************


Scene changes back to the present on a half-drunk AKK, a steadily drinking Jill and a slightly doused Keisha at the slacker's corner.


'What indeed!' Keisha huffed, waving her Heineken furiously.


Then she turned on me, who was hooting at her predicament.



'What did you say? What did you say?'



'What can I say, right? Treat the whole thing like a joke lah! Laugh along and say 'must be bigger than dinosaur lor!''


'Aiyo! So lame!'


'I cannot think of anything bigger than a dinosaur what!'


I hooted again. It's true! I myself couldn't think of a bigger animal than a dinosaur.



'Godzilla?' Piped Jill.


'You think I never considered meh? But Godzilla and Dinosaur both same size!Cannot!!' wailed Keisha in mock despair.


'Muahahhaha....' we roared in our chairs.



We laughed ourselves silly till we had no more strength, then packed up the room, removed all evidence of alcoholic involvement and went back to work with clorets in our mouths. I had regained my balance and had forgiven myself. Eating your own mdedicine might be bitter, but dishing it will make you ill.



This episode is dedicated, although they would never know, to Jill, for that slight on singlehood, and to Keisha, the Whale (we finally found one bigger), for that slight on her Amazonite frame.


Thanks for the timely intervention.




OUT!


AKK

The Sad Ping Pong Queen Vol 9

Hi all!


For those who just came in, welcome! we are nowin a full fledged running series. so feel free to scroll down for the earlier volumes. from volume 5 onwards, there are links to the first one, so thanks for taking the time to finger-clcik a little while longer.


for those who have been following, here's the latest longest episode yet.


I think you all must be waiting with bated breath to the answers to all your questions about the PPQ stories. Me? I confessed to much glee with the outcome of the series so far. Everything is so beyond expectation that I am absolutely flabbergasted. This episode will be no less dramatic. Please do remember that the whole story is true so far. There’s no addictives, MSG or other artificial colouring and flavouring added to this spicy drama. I swear. I really wouldn’t have cooked up such a storm.

So the following questions which I know you readers are thinking of, because I have thought of them myself, you’ll finally get the answer to. I’m proud to announce that I have diligently taken down all your questions and posted them to him, so it’s straight from the Horse’s mouth, LK himself. Under zero influence and hypnosis somemore! He was most willing to share.

And they are:


1. The reason why he never mentions he’s married till now.

2. Whether he told PPQ he is married.

3. What’s with the flowers on the first date?

4. How does PPQ know about the cookies? This one, I really want to know....

5. What, exactly, does he think of the fish porridge episode?


So the camera pans back to LK and AKK seated across each other over a large expanse of the meeting room table. The Ikea clock ticked its way to 7pm while the scanner hums contentedly in the background, minding its own business. Another 30 minutes and the whole thing will be done and it’ll be time to pack up and go home.


Contrary to popular belief that I’m not cut out for hard work, after the initial first so-called request to extend beyond office hours for LK, I got to entertain a few more other clients with the same treatment. Mainly because they really are nice and their bosses have finally come back from the Spring holidays to bug them about work progress. After a while, I’ve decided to hell with the office hour restrictions. After all, if the hoteliers are serving their customers ‘beyond the call of duty’, I figured that if I’m free that weekday evening, I might as well be putting a few more hours to prevent my clients from crying, which the female ones will do, since the experiment is usually kaput when it’s not ‘run’ on time.


Of cos, once an extension happens, I usually will go back to the office slightly later than usual the next day. At the end of the month, I still manage to churn in a tidy amount of profits just by being flexible with the opening hours, so why not? Boss’ happy that I seem to work longer than usual, clients are happy that their experiments are ‘served’ and I get a few more hours sleep into the morning.


So it’s a typical day at work for me. Just to set the stage, clients either sit with me to check the scan between breaks in the meeting room or to come back to collect when it’s done. LK chose the former so I was sipping my normal evening coffee kindly produced by Jill before she left while he took his lunch/dinner. I have found out that while most of my female clients eat lunch and skip dinner, it’s the other way around for the guys.


It was all good till the issuing spill from the overturned cup of kindness from Jill (hey, it rhymes!). Which left me bereft of fortification in the face of his bald statement and shall I say it, slight anger that he should chose such a moment to enlighten me and make me lose my drink. (see the previous entry)


I pulled away after he gave that cryptic answer. While a part of me is singing the high chorus for this extreme piece of juice sure to spruce up my diary, another part of me was aghast with the thought that this man is trying to play with us all. While I still believe that giving a gal flowers was a great ladykiller move, I don’t think it’s justifiable to do so after said ladykiller is married, yes?


I mean, what is he trying to proof by roping them all up like trophies when he’s obviously not available anymore?


Great! I miss my kopi and I need a Bacardi right now….



‘Why don’t you,’ I put a hand up and put the whole length of the table between us. ‘Tell me the whole story.’


He sighed and leaned back on his chair.


‘I knew people are going to look at me this way the way you are doing right now. It’s hard to change people’s immediate opinion about others.’



I bristled. I was playing the high horse and wasn’t counting on him frankly accusing me of being ‘like the rest’.


‘Sorry.’ I sighed. ‘I promise to keep an open mind.’


‘OK’ he was back to grinning again. ‘The truth is…..well, the truth is that I’m in the midst of separation.’


‘How young are you?!!’ I was aghast. He didn’t look a day over 30 and he’s getting a divorce already??


’28.’


I had a God-awful thought.


‘Oh man, she found out about the flowers, didn’t she? Your flowers for PPQ? Arrghhh….’


He laughed ruefully. ‘Nah, although it would be nice to be the one who hurts, but actually my wife left me.’


‘Why?’ Because you were infidel? But I did not say it out loud.


He crossed his ankles and lean back to stare at the ceiling. This time I would be lying if I didn’t mention that his eyes glimmered in those few short seconds under the lights. At first, I was indignant for myself, wanting to throw him into the mold of a stereotype so he wouldn’t accuse me of being narrow. However, seeing those liquid eyes suddenly brim made me feel like the worst sinner ever.


I have made a grown man tear up.


And then my timer beeped its 15th minute and made me jump in my chair. It was a complete anti-climax, but I leaped up gladly anyway and left him to recover while I check the machine.


By the time I was back, he seemed more normal, like his usual cheery self, although his eyes looked more red than usual. The suaveness had gone from his shoulder. LK has become more human. The chair creaked and he began his story.


It was by all accounts, a very sweet love-gone-wrong story. They met in school real young and spent a decade together as a couple, studying together from JC to Uni, finally accumulating in a wedding after their graduation. Newly wedded, they were poor but ambitious. The girl, in fact, had plans for post graduate studies overseas.


‘To where?’


‘Oxford’ and no less, she said. She wanted the best but wasn’t able to get a scholarship. He was ready to indulge her fully, being the newly blessed man. He never thought they could never work anything out, they had been through lots of thick and thin together. Although the entry fee alone was enough to cripple the couples’ finance, they both took multiple jobs to save. Boosted by his wife’s very obvious ambition to get a doctorate, he plunged in his whole savings into her venture.


‘The money was used for what?!’ I repeated.


‘Meant to pay the tuition fund. I took a scholarship which paid my Uni fees all the way till PHD.’


‘I don’t get it, why is there a need to save money to pay them back when you are on the scholarship?’


‘Because I didn’t want to carry on after graduation and the clause was to pay them back in full if I stop after graduation. Anything after that will be considered bond-breaking’


I gasped. ‘So you gave up the opportunity to buy your way out so she could have her dream.’


‘Yes, I never wanted to be a scholar or a postgraduate. In fact, I always wanted to go into finance, stop all this research thingy.’


‘So now that you are in it, how long is the bond?’


‘6 years, it was a longer version since it was a tuition and research scholarship combined.’


‘Fuck.’ I swore.


‘Yes.’ he agreed somberly. ‘Absolutely fucked up.’


‘You are a damn poor thing.’


‘Tell me about it.’


‘So when did you realize something was wrong?’


He shrugged. ‘The usual. We use to hold long distance calls every week. When that got too expensive, we relied on emailing. Then after a while, she said she was on a camping course with the school. Didn’t write for 2 weeks. I believed her.’


‘What was she doing then?’



He ignored my question, eyes glazed in remembrance. ‘Immediately after that, she called me and cried on the phone. I thought she was sick or got into an accident.’



‘She told me she found another guy there. Told me she couldn’t take the distance. She told me she wanted a divorce and then,' He turned his grave eyes at me. I stared back, soaking up the whole story.


‘She told me he was a banker and that I should be happy for her because she did not have to worry about money anymore.’


‘Fuck.’ I swore again. I couldn't help myself.



‘Not really. I would have flown over in another 2 weeks to surprise her. It would have been our 2nd year anniversary. It was good that she told me earlier, I cannot imagine being stranded in a foreign country knowing I wasn’t welcome.’



I sniffed. Sometimes things just have to seen as half-full even when it hurts like blazes.



‘How long has it been?’



He closed his eyes. ‘2 years. I haven’t seen her in a long while. The next trip back, she’ll be here just to sign the papers. I cannot imagine what I’ll do if I were to suddenly see her in front of me again.’



The timer leaped into life, slamming him back into the present and throwing me off my tiny perch on the seat (so engrossed I lean forward too much). Thank goodness for timers! We hurried back to the machine the final time and retrieved the data. I surreptitiously dried my eyes while the CD-R revved to life on the computer. Now I wonder if it would such a good idea to continue with the PPQ series, because it’s so invasive. I feel like a paparazzi who goes around collecting stories of other people’s private life and splashing them like front liners. Who would have thought that LK would turn out to be the one carrying the burden of hurt and anger? Compared to him, PPQ just had a nice walk in the park. Imagine if your other half, someone who pledged his/her whole life to you, turned around and said good riddance, even after you had done everything in your power to pledge your own life to theirs.



I was getting more and more upset. LK apparently send money to her every month as he slogged his way churning out tons of data in my lab, while she was happily studying away in prestigious Oxford and canoodling with a banker. Of all the things to say, she had to talk about money!



‘Oy, hello?’ I started and hastily blinked. I had been staring at the CD-writer till the CD popped out and had made no move to pass the data over to LK. I took it and handed it over while he peered at me closely.



‘There’s no need to get so upset.’



‘I don’t think I have the right to say this, but I think your wife stinks.’ I blurted out.


‘She doesn’t! Don’t say that!’ It was LK's turn to bristle. 'I didn’t tell you this so you can pin all the blame on her for our failed marriage. We got together too soon and married too early, we were both too young and I was too naïve. It takes two hands to clap.’



‘You’re right. I’m sorry.’ I apologized, all contrite. Things just happen sometimes. Perhaps it was the best course of action for all. Everyone moves on. At least she wasn’t cheating on him. He didn’t have to know anything but she told him anyway.



He smiled. ‘That’s why I tell you.’



‘What? Tell what?’



‘About this. At least you listened. I don’t want friends to drum up a personal vendetta against her just because I’m the one being dumped. It’s been better for me now. After a year, everyone starts forgetting the story and stopped looking at me with sadness. It’s easier to go through the motions everyday that passes.’


‘So I take it you did not tell PPQ?’ The journalist in me is remembering all the questions posted.


‘Right. About PPQ. To tell the truth, when I saw her at the seminar, I thought she just might be somebody who could be special to me. And knowing we are all connected made it just a tad easier to invite her out.’


‘So the flowers did mean something.’


‘Yes. It did. I lied to myself that I was accompanying a friend, in truth; I think I subconsciously agreed to go because I also needed some encouragement and some insights. Seeing her there was a step to venture into expanding my life again emotionally.’


I got it. ‘She was your first date since, that’s why you tried to celebrate.' With a pretty gal, flowers and a nice dinner.


‘Yes.’ his eyes mellowed again. ‘The flowers were for her, but I bought them because they were, to me, a symbol that I’m trying to move on. They meant more to me than she’ll ever know.’


‘So how are things between the 2 of you?’


‘She is a nice girl.’ He tried to speak carefully. ‘But we don’t have much in common. And frankly I don’t think I trust her enough. She strikes me as the jealous type. Oh, you better be careful.’


‘Me?’



‘You really should see her face when I off-handedly told her about the cookies.’


‘So it really was you!’


‘I’m sorry.’ He grinned. ‘Did I cause any trouble?’


‘Nah.' like cobwebs, i waved away all the trouble and stress PPQ ever caused me. 'I guess you know by now she has got the hots for you.’


‘Believe you me, I didn’t encourage her anymore beyond the flowers. I even paid her back for the porridge.’


Strike 3! ‘And how was the porridge?’ I asked.



‘Cold.’



‘No, serious.’


‘I was a bit freaked out, to tell the truth. It’s sweet but I don’t even remember telling her I was going back during the weekend.’


‘She must have hung on every word you were saying.’


‘As I said, a bit freaked out right now.’


‘You led her on, with the flowers and everything.’


‘I'm sorry. I led myself on too.’


I nodded. Somebody was trying to chase his own ghosts away. ‘Did it work?’


‘No.’ he sighed mistily. ‘I miss my wife still.’


He held his experiment and CD and grew silent. I waved my hands agitatedly.


‘Get a grip. If you blurb now, I’ll blurb too. Then my eyes will become smaller than they already are.’


He pinched his nose. ‘Right right. Guess I need to tell PPQ straight huh?’



I said. ‘Well, she isn’t the most subtle of people.’ And I really wanted to add ‘you’ll probably have to hammer it into her head with a mallet.’ But I didn’t.



‘Yah………. I’ll probably have to hammer it into her head……... u OK?’



‘Good luck.’ I coughed.


‘That bad huh?’ We walked out the doorway so I could send him on his way.



I thought about her and what she did throughout the whole series, then opened the security door for him.


‘Ok lah. She just needs to grow up a little.’


‘Don’t we all?’ His voice echoed down the corridor as he walked off.


Knowing exactly what he meant, I waved him Goodbye.


And so the camera pans out AKK as she diminishes in size and dims.


OUT!


AKK.

The sad Ping Pong Queen Vol. 8

Hi all!


To recap the whole series, pls read the entries below, all are in running numbers and I assure you, has links to the previous volumes from Vol. 5 onwards. Sorry, i getting lazy....




Usually when I write something like ‘spewed the kopi’, I don’t usually mean it really that way. It’s probably like a drip from the corner of the mouth. Since I’m on for creative writing, words always tend towards being slightly exaggerated. So if anytime I ever wrote that I ‘spilled’, ‘spewed’ or ‘choked’ on ‘soup’, coffee’, or ‘bread’, I probably at most dripped a little or a hand capped in front immediately to stem the flow. In fact, except in the movies, I don’t even reckon it might be possible.



As usual I’m wrong. I can officially announce now that I am capable of such an action--spewing a true fine mist of kopi spread across a large surface area worthy of Mr Kleenex.


I had to blame it all on LK.



‘Actually….I’m married.’ LK announced somberly.


Cue the spewing of the kopi siu-dai and cup overturning….


‘Oh shit! Sorry! Did I hit you??!! Oh God, you’re MARRIED??!! Oh no, it’s spreading, take the cloth!!’


And the conversation broke in the midst of this interesting revelation as we 2 scrambled to clean up the meeting room table. Thankfully I had forsworn to only raise the PPQ vs LK topic after everyone had gone home or I’m sure to cause a ruckus.



*******************************************



And the whole day has started as promising as it will sure to end on his proclamation. PPQ, as I have once mentioned, has been actively trying to slim herself down from her obese days. While she isn’t exactly skinny, I’d say she’s only slightly fleshy. Which is usually less than what I say about myself, because the invincible A has announced very frankly that I am now under the term ‘chubby’. However, since he seems to like hugging the new me this much, it’s not a cause of much concern for me.


Once I would probably have said that I suspect PPQ of being unusually tactless, now I’m closer to saying that not only do I think she knows exactly what’s going through her mouth, she’s probably assessing your facial features for a reaction as well. The sneaky little creature….


‘Akk, can I ask you a question?’


Oh man….can I say no? I had begun to fear her opening statements.


‘How much do you weigh?’ she inquired politely, I’m sure my over-active imagination thought it saw an extra glint in her eyes.


I sighed. As usual, the day is too early to play games.


‘I’m a hefty 57kg.’


OK, so I lied. I was closer to 52kg, but whatever makes her happy. Incidentally, always always tell other gals a higher number when it comes to weight, especially the ones whom you know are actively trying to lose some, because for the simple fact that:


a) You don’t want them to whine more about how much heavier they are. Key word is ‘more’ because they’ll definitely whine, but telling them you are heavy too gives them less license to go pass a certain time frame.


b) Gals trying to lose weight happen to feel more charitable to those who aren’t watching theirs. Knowing that you are as heavy/heavier/will soon be heavier than them will make the office culture a better place to work in. For one thing, they are more likely to help you out. Whoever wants to lend a hand to that teck-goh that runs the biathlon every month, that over-skinny, anorexic, salad-touting over-achiever….bet she don’t need me to help pass the fax over. She can surely walk over and collect it herself, she might welcome the exercise….hah!


c) You don’t really want them to suddenly open their eyes big big and say, ‘Really??!! Oh my God, you’re so light? I mean, you’re so light!! Oh…My…God….’ And either win the Grammy for Best Pretense, or Best Knifing Moment.



The outcry from her lips screeched through my pre-caffeine head and her eyes had come to widen to that sickening extent I’m starting to hate.


‘Really??!! Oh my God, you’re so light? I mean, so light!! Oh…My…God….’ Apparently, my one-bag-of-rice over-estimate was not able to take away option C in PPQ’s case. She won the latter but completely lost the first award.



‘Really….I only look heavy, but I was told I’ve got the bones of a bird’, I gritted it out. Already, my blood pressure is rising to the occasion. I can also see the top of Jill’s head over at her cubicle grow still. She overheard the whole exchange.



My MSN pinged. ‘Want Bacardi?’ it was Jill. Ever since the smses, Jill and I have been actively having what we call ‘Bacardi Moments’, which is in the face of impending PPQ-related stress, to drop everything and have a toast of Bacardi or any alcohol-related drink to cool down. We are now currently having a lime Bacardi hiding in the fridge.



‘Not yet’, I pinged back.



‘Akk, I’ve decided to take control of my life,‘ PPQ suddenly announced seriously. She’s been acting like this at funny times during the whole week. ‘I shall not be so upset at being single anymore. There’s nothing wrong, ‘she intoned, she eyes shining with inner light while I imagined Jill hiding behind her cubicle and cringing. ‘in being single at all.’



‘Absolutely,’ I repeated. ‘Nothing wrong.’ And then, refusing to handle this conversation myself anymore, I added, ‘Rite, Jill?’


I heard some choking noises emanating from that end. My MSN immediately pinged an emoticon guzzling beer. Someone’s experiencing her Bacardi moment right now.


‘Rite rite…*koff*…best thing that ever happened to me…’ coughed a reply from the corner while PPQ started guiltily. She did not realize that Jill was at her desk. The MSN pinged me a second emoticon from Jill, this time with one emoticon strangling another.



‘In fact,’ PPQ continued, looking around to check more carefully that there’s only she, me and Jill currently avaible. ‘I’m going to start living for myself.’



‘Good good.’ I murmured and went back to my typing….I’d heard all these before.



‘In fact, I want to make myself prettier.’



‘Good good…huh?’



‘Akk, I’ve decided to give myself a goal.’



‘What goal,’ I asked suspiciously, my fingers floated over the keyboard.



‘I want to look smaller-sized than you.’ She exclaimed.



My Bacardi moment has arrived. More coughing issued from one useless corner of the office while I stared at PPQ blankly, wondering if I had just been bit by a hitherto barking toothless puppy who suddenly grew 4” canines in one night. I, who had given her the TS theory. I, who should be thanked endlessly for my morale-building on her current insight to Life, was being issued an insult.



Thankless little C*** B**. I had never been this roundly introduced to such a 2-face in my life.



‘Fine.’ The Lime Bacardi is starting to sound super-enticing. Jill pinged an MSN message which I am sure to kill her for later. ‘PPQ 1, AKK 0!!! Fight!!!’



‘Are you OK with that?’ PPQ asked. I no longer wish to know who she is anymore beneath her seemingly guileless demeanor.



Suddenly, I have an idea. ‘Sure! I’ll going to take you up on this challenge!’ I replied cheerfully.



‘But I wasn’t…I mean, I wasn’t trying to say you’re….’



‘Of cos not! No one ever says anyone’s fat these days. But I got your point!’ I continued. ‘In fact, that’s exactly what I needed to motivate myself! Yes!’



‘Yes?’



‘Yes! you and I can both strive to be thinner than the other! We will then both benefit greatly! I can see that now.’ I swung my arms and gave her a big hug.



‘Such a motivator, you are!’ I look into her terrified eyes. AKK, the cool aunty in the office with the hansem husband, is now taking on a new project with renewed zest.



‘er…er…’ she stuttered helplessly.



‘In fact, I shall start today!’ I waved a finger at her. ‘Don’t slack ah! You’ve got to be smaller-sized than me.’



With that, I left the office.



5 mins later, Jill found me in the pantry nursing a half-bottle of Bacardi Lime.



“What was that about? You’re going to get skinny for her?’



‘Nah, I’ve been exercising anyways, it’s no bother. I’ll give her a week to catch up.’


‘A week to what?’


‘A week, ‘ I repeated. ‘before I look for her in the office gym and we both compare on the electronic scale.’



‘So?’



‘So….,’ I passed her the unfinished alcohol. “So… she’ll kill herself wondering how I managed to shave off a bag of rice in a week’s time.’



‘You’re evil.’



‘Only to certain people.’ I replied.



****************************************************



‘So let me make this clear.’ I said weakly to LK later in the week after we had cleaned up the spill.


'Yes, I will tell you all, ' he salaamed.


‘You are married.’


‘Yes.’


‘Rather like me. '


‘Yes.’


‘You have a marriage cert, not just the tea-drinking thingy.’


‘Yes’


‘You are pulling my leg.’


‘No.’


‘Who knows about this?’



At this, LK leaned and whispered in my ear.



‘Now you do.’



I have a bad feeling about this……………



Stay tuned!!!!






OUT!


AKK

The Sad Ping Pong Queen Vol. 7

Hi all!


Hope u are all kept up to date with the on-going series, if not, please read the entries below starting from the 1st vol. Oh yes, I admit I now very lazy, because I just cleaned up the whole house by myself, a rare occurrence, thankfully, so I beseech you to scroll to the previous entry to get all the links to the other volumes…hehehehe.


In any case, here’s the latest installation, which I’m happy to say, did not decrease in its excitement and drama. In fact I would go to say this is even more soap than opera. Here’s why:

The current situation is that I invited my colleagues over to my place for a poker session yesterday. Here’s something about the bunch that you should know. These are really really nice and young and fun people, even the older ones. Maybe because of the ulu location of our department, we needed to be more rowdy and raucous to balance our sanity and the ying-yang of the place. Perhaps next time, I shall blog about the ghostly occurrences in the department, so you can see why we needed to make some noise all the time and remain happy.


And nothing can make us happier than to have lunch together over an intense round of ban-luck or 21. The bids are in 10 cents only, but the point is not the winning, the point is the playing…..and of cos the excitement of the possibility of getting caught playing cards in the office.


So… back to the story, the whole office came over to my place for food and fun, PPQ included. We all noticed she was exceptionally happy, but as a group, we tend not to ask too personal questions all around. And frankly, I wasn’t that interested, even for the PPQ series. In a certain way, I’m sure I can get the whole story in its own time without my intervention.


Sure enough, halfway through the game, PPQ started telling us about her on-going. She went out with LK again, this time for dinner after work. The gals had to ask who asked first, him or PPQ. It was him that asked first, she verified.


Ah, I was thinking, this PPQ is either very smart or very stupid. Beforehand, LK already mentioned to me he received a few smses from PPQ for lunch but he was busy. I knew that he was going to make it up to her for not being free, so the dinner was no surprise. On the other hand, the way PPQ was saying it, she either wanted us to think he’s earnestly chasing her or she wanted to pretend it was all true.


I started worrying again, which was utter stupidity, but I couldn’t help it. On and on in my mind was LK saying the words over and over again, ‘Should there be anything else?’ when I asked him if the date was only for fun.


These 2 people are going at it at cross-purposes.


Oh yes, to digress a little, a quickie conversation that made me pissed happened on Friday. It was PPQ being asked by the younger, idolizing gals whether she does indeed like the irascible, charming LK. I was busy working at my cubicle but her lovely voice reached me anyway.


‘I think I do! I mean, he’s very eligible. Dresses very well and is a scholar! What more could a girl want?’


To which I snorted so quickly and so badly and so loudly, that I had to cover up, bring up a jokes website and ask the gals to come over to read them so that they won’t suspect I heard it. The whole thing is starting to turn into a joke I can absolutely appreciate. I’m almost sure I should see the demise of this relationship, if it ever happened, with PPQ the worse for wear again.


Of cos, what more could a gal want except that a guy is eligible? I’m sure she doesn’t need things like kindness, care, concern or basic attraction. As long as he dresses very well and get As for grades, I’m sure he Mr Right.


What utter shallowness. And it’s terrible because I didn’t know when I became so angry about the whole situation, except that I thought it was such a waste of time for both sides. Why can’t somebody just be the bad person and tell PPQ off for her air-headedness about relationships? Was it because that since LK became a friend, I’m actually worried for his reputation and safety? After all, after seeing her in action, the thought that she might like to turn Martyr for Love is highly plausible?


Again, the whole story is running away from me. There’s so much and so little information to write this out since everything is in bits and pieces. Back to the poker game at my place on Saturday: Suffice to say there was bit more conversation about LK this and LK that and LK everything for the next 30 minutes into the game. By then, everyone who’s got brains at least the size of peas have discovered the new PPQ and her rather larger-than-Life-imagination. Apart from naming her second future son, she did everything to confirm that as a person, she thinks much too much and much too highly of herself. It’s weird, because just a few days before, I thought she was suffering from low-self-esteem….


Colleague Jill came to the kitchen to help make the coffee during a short break, where she gave me the second largest piece of news of this entry. Due to her work, she’s required to sometimes go back on weekends and in fact, had came from the department to my place.


‘Guess who I saw at the labs?’ she gave me a cheeky smile while I ripped the 3-in-1s apart.


‘PPQ?” I said. It was hardly a subject between the 2 of us that never got back to her.


‘Yah and you know why she was there?’


‘I have no idea.’ PPQ’s work does not involve weekend burning…..Hmmm……


‘She went back to buy fish porridge for LK.’


‘Huh?’ I was mystified. Did LK lack the hands to buy his own fish porridge?


‘I’m not kidding. She told me she came back just to buy him lunch.’


‘Oh well, if he did ask her for help, that’s hardly news.’

‘Yup, but he didn’t. She just came all the way back to buy it for him because she knew he’s in the lab today. But that’s not the best part, the best part was that, not only did he NOT know she came to give him lunch, he didn’t even arrive yet when she got there, so she waited till she couldn’t wait anymore and actually left the takeaway at the receptionist.’


‘At the receptionist?’ I gasped. It was unbelievable.


‘Yes! Then she smsed him a cryptic sms and asked him to get ‘the surprise’ from the lady at the lobby.’


‘From the lobby.’ I intoned. I was gobsmacked.


‘From the lobby.’ She confirmed, her lips quivering.


And the dam burst out in the kitchen. We laughed at the flabbergasted performance that is PPQ. It was bad planning, and terrible coordination all rolled into one. I know I should look at it and think its sweet, but the thought of him going back to the lab, most likely with lunch already settled, receiving a ‘surprising’ soggy bowl of cold soup from a grumbling receptionist was too much. The whole lobby would have smelt of soup. I wondered how amused the receptionist must have been to receive it and how equally amused she would be to find out who the lucky guy was.


Somebody’s embarrassment shall know no bounds even as we speak.


Jill and I giggled irrepressibly when the whole bunch coddled us unsuccessfully to tell them the joke. It was nice to have an ally.


The whole thing ended with success. Success meaning that I won enough to buy a cup of coffee. The whole adventure would have ended here and in fact, been sufficient for a blog entry.


But another new thing about PPQ I would learn is never to expect the expected when it comes to her.


A series of smses was flung at me today, while I was dosing off to sleep at my balcony, mouth wide open, enjoying the sun….


They were from PPQ.


Dear AKK, I wanna tell you something. I strongly believe in the TS theory now bcos it has been proven in my case. I have managed to find out one of my secret admirers just now…. Haha…


I felt uncomfortable about the ‘Haha…’ I smsed back, ‘Really? Was it someone I know?’


No, u dunno….it’s 1 of my JC frens. He is marrying soon. He drove me home just now. On the way, he asked me why I never like him…then I told him why, then he told me tat last time he did have crush on me. Haha… But it’s all past le. Haha…



The ‘Haha…’s are starting to sound demonic.


I wrote back, ‘Actually, it’s best not to go looking, just know it can liao.’ Whatever possessed me to tell her the TS theory…



The next sms made my toes curl and wonder about her mental state….it was long and filled with lots of haha-s and apostrophes.



Ya…I know…unless they divulge themselves.. so I strongly believe tat there are at least 9 more out there who is thinking of me now. Haha… Really…I am so glad tat this fren of mine is so brave 2 be vulnerable to me, to tell me this. It really makes me even believe tat theory, felt better about myself. LK jus happen to be the bravest to approach me in a more aggressive way… Haha… Or he is hiding something behind his sleeves by being so nice 2 me…So I have 2 be mre careful… Now I believe tat ‘the one’ shall overcome all obstacles 2 court me, and not the other way round. Haha…=)



Oh man! This time, I got a very amused A (who has been kept very updated) to pen the sms back to her because I am left speechless with guilt and …fear?



It would be best not to think so much and just enjoy a great frenship in the making. Even if things don’t work out, everyone can still be frens.



Rather than dampen the spirit, her reply was a roar of self-expression starting with…..



Haha… thank u 4 ur advice. Anyway, I still wanna thank u 4 ur TS theory. This is going to make a difference in my Life le… Haha…^-^




Oh no!!!! What have I done??!!! I have given power to the undeserved!!! The knowledge has mentally disabled her senses!!! And what’s with ‘hiding something behind his sleeves’ mean? While I agonized, A guffawed at the entertainment.



Half an hour later, PPQ sent her pièce de résistance. Note the hesitance.




O……..Ya……AKK...... mind I check w u? Did anyone give you cookies 4 ur birthday? Haha….




I have a bad feeling about this…..


OUT!

The Sad Ping Pong Queen Vol 6

Warning: please read the whole series as they are all part of a running story. Apart from vol. 1, 2-5 are all consecutive entries. Vol. 1, Vol. 2, Vol. 3, Vol. 4, Vol. 5.




Hi all!

It would seem that the drama of PPQ couldn’t seem to slow down enough for me to take a break before I update again. So I am, cramping my fingers away on my lappy for the sake of my sanity. Because writing these things out purges me from those demons that the whole episodes have put into me. Now I can say that I’ve learnt something, which I always knew, but always had to re-learn again and again because I ALWAYS ALWAYS forget. And that is this:


You really don’t know a person till you see them react to situations.


For PPQ, it should be known by now that while I harbour no ill will towards her, I am somewhat tired by the incessant outpouring of her private life. Every now and then when she deigned to talk to me about her new leash of life, I will try to turn it into another standpoint. Mainly by telling her that having guys like her or liking guys are currently not the most important thing in her life right now.


‘if you must know, you shouldn’t go crazy over just these 2 guys, you know?’


‘oh AKK,’ she flicked her hands dismissively. ‘I’m not.’


‘you aren’t?’


‘No, the other one was much too old.’


I recalled her having another date from the seminar asking her out. And almost immediately, denoted him Andy.


‘Like how old?’ I was think to the tune of 15.


‘He’s 7 years older than me, he’s so Uncle!’


My eyes widen than narrowed. Some of my most charismatic friends are 10 years older than me. In fact most of them age better than wine….


‘PPQ, 7 years is pretty short, considering you aren’t that young yourself.’ I twisted the knife in slowly.


‘But I can’t look at him in THAT way!’ she confessed.



‘What way?’


‘I mean, I can’t consider him at all, he’s just too old for me.’



‘wait a minute.’ I had a thought. ‘So how was the date, really? Was it nice?’


‘Yes, it was great! I had lots of fun.’


‘Fun until you found out he’s 7 years older than you.’I accused.


‘AKK,‘ She huffed. ‘I’m not as shallow as you think. I just gradually felt like I was talking to my 2nd uncle as the night wore on’


‘Yes,' I persisted. ‘AFTER you knew about his age.’



'I’m not like that, ‘ She replied quietly.



‘I just want you to know that there is nothing wrong with just making friends, be they older, younger, shorter, plumper, cuter, uglier. I’m just saying that you should just learn how to make friends first rather than make boyfriends out of these new friends. In fact, only when you love yoourself can you find somebody who can love you back the way you want. And Singlehood is the best situation to start loving yourself more.’ Once again, I thought of Jill and her composed and happy demeanor.



PPQ’s eyes misted again. While a part of me grew more disgusted with her with each passing day, another part of me constantly beats me up for forgetting who and what she is. I seem to always forget that we are all different and we think differently and while PPQ may never be a friend of mine because we think from 2 polars, doesn’t mean I should force her to accept my own views.



‘I’m just very lonely.’ She intoned sadly. ‘after I broke up with him (the latest BF), I lasted 3 days before I begged him to return to me….but it didn’t work. I’m really a failure.’



Oh man….I’ve made the Heavenly Queen’s eye water!!! Awkwardly, I patted her on the shoulder and grimaced at the scene I was imagining, her having to beg him to come back. Perhaps I’m married and therefore feeling all smug that someone’s tied to me, but I can’t help but feel she gave the whole of womankind a bad name for not standing tall when she should have.


She relived her past while I absently slapped her back, finally I took the easy way out of the whole situation.



I opened my mouth and said, ‘Have you never heard of the TS theory?’



=======================15 minutes later=======================


‘Meaning,‘ PPQ reiterated slowly, ‘that every person has 10 secret admirers that they don’t know about?’

‘Exactly! Isn’t that great to know???’


‘I don’t believe it,’ she said flatly.


‘Well, the theory stands because it can’t be proven lah. If it’s proven, then how to be secret admirers anymore?’



She looked dubious, but I knew if this doesn’t raise a gal’s esteem, nothing will. It sure did for me.


‘Think about it.’ And I went off.


Later that night and the next day, I would soon know the error of my ways by empowering her with my theory.


I have worse feelings now than ever.


Stay tuned........



OUT!

AKK

The Sad Ping Pong Queen Vol 5.

Hi all!


Again the warning: if you dun understand the title, please read the whole series as they are all part of a running story. Apart from vol. 1, 2-4 are all consecutive entries. Vol. 1, Vol. 2, Vol. 3, Vol. 4.


As promised, here's the newest installation.


The morning started off busily with me cramping the keyboards away for a memo update, and reading blogs at the same time. So imagine the back of my hair standing up when I heard a small voice from the left ear drowning out all the office noises of hard workers.


‘AKK, can I ask you a question?’


PPQ had pasted her face close to my left cheek, which totally freaked me out. Firstly because I was lost in work and secondly because I suspect she was reading my monitor.


Thankfully, I had the outlook to cover the blog sites. I faked a large stretch that made her face shy away and asked loudly and within earshot of everyone, ‘Yes? How may I be of assistance?’ There was the hope that she would change her secretive question with a more mundane one, since my Life is definitely too short to cater to her cloud-nine or hell-eighteen emotional status right now.

But I guess PPQ is not much of a subtle thinker. In fact, I now swear that while she’s academically woo-hoo, she’s ZERO brain cells in emotional quotient and social etiquette. When the question came, it was a shocker.



‘AKK, does LK have your handphone number?’



The question was tentative and yet, I could spot a slight accusatory tone mangling the innocent sentence into something derogatory and insulting. My temper started rising. Because of the security access required to enter our block, anyone coming in had to call the center for help, usually the technician that provides the service. Since LK had failed to reach me to get him in, he then called PPQ to allow him access. As I’ve left my HP on my desk while I went to the restroom, she must have seen it vibrating and blinking away just before LK called her.



Bloody Hell……


‘Why do you ask?’ What I really wanted to say was: What business is it to you?


‘Nothing. Just asking.’ For the rest of the day, I would receive this lame phrase for the other questions she’ll randomly throw at me. But I see her eyes grew concerned at my answer.


Blow this for a lark. I’m not up for a fight this early in the morning and I’ve plenty to do. So I told the truth, which was, ‘My office number is directed to my handphone, any client will get my HP blinking.’


Apparently satisfied, she turned back to her work while I hastened my own so I can attend to LK, who was using my machine 3 rooms away.


The whole morning was spent in relative peace till we broke for lunch. LK took the first half of his data back, promising to return after lunch to continue. On my side, I heaved a sigh of relief that PPQ was busy with her own work and did not linger outside the lab door. Perhaps the whole day will pass uneventfully.


I should have known better. As I escorted LK down the corridor out of the building, I saw the whole bunch of my colleagues crowding it, all ready for lunch. LK said Hi to PPQ and everyone along the corridor before stepping out. As I said, he really is a very friendly person. Since no one knew this guy was the date of PPQ, I stayed silent and let him out quietly.



Once the door closed, I turned and walked back to a tittering crowd.


Then I heard PPQ’s voice wafting through.


‘Yup! Yes! He’s the one! That’s my date! Isn’t he cute?’



Oh brother… Now the whole world could put a face to PPQ’s joy. On and on, the phrase ‘Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched’ went through my head again.


During lunch, PPQ took center-stage again. Another guy from the relationship seminar had asked her out, so she happily told anyone willing to listen. On my part, I’m beginning to suspect that she’s either having a much too-low-self-esteem that she couldn’t believe such ‘peach-flower-luck’ could strike her twice, or she having such a high self-esteem she thinks she’s got it made just because she had dates.


While I was silently munching away on my noodles, one of my favourite colleagues elbowed me.


‘I know exactly what you are thinking,’ she whispered.


‘Really? Like how?’ I answered morosely, wandering how the whole thing had got out of hand.


‘She was worse when she broke of with the first and second boyfriends. I was her shoulder to cry on.’


‘I really don’t know what she’s doing, you know, it’s a huge big hoo-ha now. What if people just want to be friends first? It’s like eating the batter before the cake is baked, eventually she’ll complain that she couldn’t eat the cake in the end…’


’Well, for PPQ, you need to understand that she doesn’t have guy friends. Guys are to her avenues for boyfriend- or husband-hood. Did you know what she thinks about us single gals in the office?’


‘What?’ Eyes big big, I was aghast that PPQ had opinions about singlehood status and made it known to the singles. Colleague Jill is currently in her 30s but happily and fulfillingly single. She’s my favourite because she’s always logical and calm in the face of the younger, crazier colleagues. To think that anyone would use her first as a comfort pillow, and yet insult her is hard to understand.


‘What what? Say say!’


‘Well, for one thing, she thinks there’s something wrong and incomplete about us. She thinks that in order to be whole, we need a guy.’


‘Oh God….’ I exclaimed, soaking up the office currents.


‘That’s why she’s so adamant about getting a guy. She’s barely single for a month and she’s on the high radar already. Probably also why she’s so anxious that these guys should be the answer to her loneliness.’



‘So…essentially, ‘ I said slowly. ‘She doesn’t want to end up like you or the others…She thinks you gals are losers…’’


‘Exactly!’ She beamed.


‘That’s mean!’


‘Yup, but you can’t change what a person truly feels.’


‘How come you never told me?’


‘I hardly think it’s a proper office conversation.’



I am sick in the stomach. That’s what PPQ was on the insides. She sounded like an absolute bumpkin who’s never had her horizons widened. This girl has got TUNNEL vision. Were she born during the old days, she’ll probably cheer the loudest should an adulterous pair be tried at the village square and drowned in the river.


She sounds like she never grew up and never adapted. Men, to her, are a means to an end. Like a status symbol.


Sitting across Jill, I was glad I did not mention this after-hour servicing to anyone in the office. My survival instincts must have clearly heard the call of the Wild (probably PPQ again). Because eventually LK and I did do dinner together, although a dinner of packed rice across the large table in the meeting room, which is vacated every 15 minutes to check the machine, is hardly what anyone would call a ‘date’, more like a necessity. Even then, I felt it’d be murder to leak this tidbit out to PPQ.


‘So how was the date?’ I asked casually.


‘Great! Had a lot of fun!’


‘Hmm…Is it all fun and nothing else?’


LK leaned back in his chair and stretched nonchalantly. ‘Should there be anything else?’



‘I mean, don’t the flowers and the musicians mean anything?’



He slammed the chair back onto its four legs. ‘My goodness, she told you that?’



‘That and more, my man.’


‘Ow…. I was hoping the whole thing would be a bit more discreet.’


I thought about how the whole department now knows who he is and what he did and how they met and felt sorry for him.


‘The flowers were just because it’s a date. It’s just something I do.’ He said defensively. ‘The musicians didn’t require any planning, I just waved a hand over and they came. And while I may or may not be interested, what’s wrong with knowing each other better first?’


I nodded. It was as I suspected. LK really was just built this way. Earlier when I escorted him back in, he ended up talking to the cleaning lady who was in the same elevator as us. By the time we reached our floor, he knows her name, how many kids she had and how her bad back ached on rainy days.



When the whole session ended at a timely 9.30pm, he whipped out a plastic bag and flourished it at me. I took it and looked inside. It was a large bag of mixed chocolates from Chocolate Heaven. I almost flung it back at him. His connection to PPQ is making me wary accepting anything from him or treating him any better.


‘What’s this for?’ I asked suspiciously.


‘Ta-daa! Happy belated Birthday!’


‘Eh? How did you know?’


‘You told me.’ He looked wounded.


‘I did?’ Arrgghh….kopi and chocolates….this guy does his homework well….


‘Yes lah!’ he huffed. ‘During our last scanning, your hubby asked you if you were free for a dinner reservation on your birthday and you said OK, then when you put the phone down, you told me.’


‘Oh…. Thanks but I really needed to tell you that I can’t accept gifts from my clients.’


He sighed. ‘I’m treating you as a friend right now and showing you my appreciation of your bending the rules for me. Even if you don’t accept this gift as a real present, then take it as a treat for the whole department.’

‘Hmmm…’ I considered. He had a point. Somewhere along the way, we had become friends. It is really quite idiotic to pretend otherwise. And while I have misgivings, there’s absolutely nothing to hide, especially from PPQ. There’s nothing I owe her.


‘OK, thank you very much. I shall share it with my colleagues in the pantry. As a friend, I’ll regard it as a birthday gift, but you’ll have to understand that I’ll say it’s meant for everyone.’


He broke into a smile. ‘So long as you know, it’s fine with me.’


‘I do. Thanks again.’ I led him out of the facility.


As I watched him walk off, I recalled what I said to PPQ just before she left for the day when she came and asked me, ‘Do you think I should have told so many people about LK?’



To which I replied rather archly, ‘What do you think? While you may not value your own privacy, don’t you think as a friend, you should value his?’



Eyes shuttered, she looked thoughfully at me and walked away. I have a bad feeling about the whole bloody thing….



Out!

AKK

The Sad Ping Pong Queen Vol 4.

Hi all!

Wah lau…I think I can update everyday…..

For those who do not understand the title, you’ll definitely have to read the series in their appointed volumes since it is a running story.


If so, pls read them in the following sequence: vol 1, vol 2, vol 3 (below this entry).

So early in the morning when I entered the office, to say that I was curious would be an understatement. I found out that PPQ is not exactly a subtle person. Her emotions do run their course on a roller-coaster, sometimes in a series of endless hoops.

To say that I was concerned would also be an overstatement too, because I’m not that nice a person to care for people who aren’t so close too much. I may worry a bit, but that’s about it. But with somebody like PPQ, who always seem to relive her history through her encounters with the opposite sex, and this time with someone who’s obviously been around, I confess to being a little more than anxious.

But generally overall, I’m curious enough to want to witness a dramatic story unfold in a fashion akin to a novella. Yea, I confess extremely readily of my KPOness to the whole situation.

So when PPQ came sailing in all smiles and happy laughter, I was prepared to cock a ear to listen to her. Because of my client relationship with LK, I was the obvious choice to pass the joy to. But I needn’t have worried, because her joy was palpable and full of charity. She’s prepared to share all date details with everyone in the office.


I’m still considering the earlier wisdom of telling her to ‘not count her chicks before they are hatched’, but she’s on a roll and starring as lead actress, so hell, I joined the group and sucked up the drama. Her happiness is indeed pretty lovely to watch.


In the abject attention of all the female colleagues (close to 10), she excitedly exclaimed her date to be the most fun and happiest she’s ever had and met. An hour long discussion with many ‘oohhs’ and ‘ahhhs’ and ‘lucky you’ followed.

‘He brought me to XXX restaurant for a candle-lit dinner’

‘ooohhhh….that’s nice!’, gushed the office gals.

‘He bought flowers and asked the waiters to present them to me with the dessert!’

‘waahhh….’ We wowed. I had to admit that it was a classic LK (ladykiller) touch, especially with the dessert.

‘There were singers that went to our tables just to serenade to us! I think he planned it!’

‘Ooohhhh…goodness! That’s so charming!’ the whole office (the guys has joined the conversation) warbled and commented. Obviously LK has scored a clear goal into PPQ’s heart.

‘And best of all? It’s all so coincidental! If it wasn’t for AKK, he might not even have spoken to me!’


The whole cohort aimed their optic lasers onto me as I was suddenly thrust into the limelight. They too knew that PPQ had been depressed like sugarcane being pushed through the juicer of Love. The guy seems to them perfect in every way and they must have been glad to see the increasing-radial aura of sadness shrink away from the office atmosphere. Oh no! I remembered thinking this. Some pre-disposed survival instinct is kicking into high gear.


‘Er..er….I don’t actually know him that well.’ It’s a LIE, I know him well enough to form some opinions already.


‘Oh AKK, his ice-breaker was ‘Do you know AKK?’ If I didn’t know you, the conversation would have stopped there.’ She giggled deliriously.


And the crowd ‘oohhh’ed again and patted me on the back.


I’m expressly certain that LK would have steered the conversation proficiently all by himself, but under the metric gaze of the office and her megawatt gratitude of my involvement to her Prince Charming, my guts shriveled like a raisin trying to raise that point. Already I have foreseen my future. It was either to be hailed as the Saint of Love and Fortune or the Witch of Bad Coincidences.


Then my phone rang just then to save me. But argh! The witch of Bad coincidences brought none other than LK to sing out my name on the other end.


‘Yo! Got time for me, Miss AKK? I need a lot of it.’


The cheek of the man. But yea, to give a benefit of the doubt, he is indeed one of my best and most law-abiding, well-behaved customer who never blames the tools. You’ll be surprised how many researchers blame the machines for their bad results when it’s obvious it is their own skills they should question.


‘Anytime. Scanning only though.’ I should shut up right about now.


There was a chuckle. ‘Ok, sorry for teasing. How about a slot for tomorrow? And get this….’


He gave me a heart-stopping number to the amount of plates he’s scanning.


‘So many! I’ll need to block the whole day tomorrow and half the day after for you then.’


‘Yes, as to that.’ His voice grew serious on the phone. ‘I really need this batch of data ASAP. In fact, I was hoping to finish them tomorrow.’


‘Hmmm….but I can’t finish unless I open after hours.’


‘Please? Just this once, I promise.’


‘Hmmm….’


‘For all the times I’ve been a great client? I’ll not pull this type of stunt anymore, promise promise….’


And then, as the coup de grace….


‘And you can ask me anything about the date yesterday. There’s no kissing, so I can tell.’


And I burst out laughing. I appreciate his candour and the fact that he knows I know and doesn’t care.


‘Right. Promise not to tell the rest of them users of your privileged treatment, put my name and facility in the paper you are publishing and I’ll open shop for 4 extra hours for you.’


There was a sigh of relief on the other end. ‘Thanks, man. You’re a saint. I agree to all terms and I’ll buy you dinner while you work.’


And I’m thinking currently, as I wrote this, that PPQ and I are different types of girls altogether. I’ll go even further to say, dare I say? That a dinner’s a dinner and means nothing. That a guy friend can be a friend only and nothing else. That making friends is not a choice depending on whether he’s eligible for the future or not. Friends can be made anytime anywhere. So the thing is: what is it about PPQ that her heart can jump out of her mouth just because a guy looks at her and what is it about me that my heart doesn’t even pump when I was similarly single last time? Maturity? And yes, expressing to spent more time with a person does not equate said person likes the other?



But while I don’t grudge a free meal. Professionalism needed to win over.


‘Nah. It’s OK, nothing to it. No bribing the technician.’


‘You sure?’ he persisted. ‘Perhaps a coffee?’


OK. Professionalism is great but nothing gets in the way for a cup of kopi.


‘Deal. Help me get that nice kopi-siu-dai in the corner hawker and I’ll pay you back.’




Out!


AKK

The Sad Ping Pong Queen vol 3.

Hi all!



Today I had an extremely excited PPQ (pls read vol 1 and 2) corner me the minute I walked into the office. Although we talk abit, we were nevertheless not very close, so it was a surprise that she thought it fit to drag me to a corner of the office just to show me something.

It was an sms from my client (denote LK for ladykiller):

Hi PPQ, I got your number from the seminar contacts list, hope you don’t mind. Would you like to have dinner sometimes?



‘Oh, AKK!’ she gushed. ‘I’m so excited! I think he likes me!’


My open face closed. I was hesitant to tell her in the face of her brilliant happiness that while a guy asking you out is a good indication he’s interested, it doesn’t mean he’s THAT interested, especially to someone like LK.


But just in case, I said ‘that’s good. But you must understand he’s a very very nice and very very friendly (I emphasized) man.’


What I really wanted to say was, ‘Don’t count your chicks before they are hatched.’


She didn’t get it. ‘Yes, I know!’ eyes sparkling, she smsed back and told him she’ll be delighted to go out with him.


Very soon, the date is set. They are going out…tonight.


PPQ is getting so excited she fairly floating off the ground.


LK came over to run his plates again at my department. A casual question got this answer.


‘Nice to just make more friends!’ and he winked at me.


I think he wants to be my friend too.



I have a bad feeling about this.


Out!

AKK

The Sad Ping Pong Queen vol 2.

Hi all!

Recently I had another chat with the Sad Ping Pong Queen. To update a few things about her? She has finally dump her then current BF and is going around trying her best to enjoy singlehood.


The key word is ‘trying’.



One of those things she did to get herself out of thinking too much, was to catch up on her reading, which was good until I realised....


scenario 1---PPQ intently reading a thick book and AKK approached her:

‘Hey! What’s that you’ve got there?’

‘Oh! It’s a self-help book, I need some motivation.’

‘ok, I bet it’s about women power and independence, ya? That type of book makes me feel great sometimes.’ W#hich was a lie, of cos, because I don't like books that superiorly tells me my life isn't good because I've not actively practicising what they preach.

‘Oh no, actually. It’s about how relationships work. I’m trying to see where I went wrong.’ At this, PPQ coughed and her eyes misted over.


I sighed and left her to her feelings.

So much for looking for happiness. Would she really want to know that the whole thing could have worked out fine if she’d follow their 10 ‘golden rules’ of lasting relationships? Really, I wouldn’t, but hell, I’m not her and I’m not that masochistic either.

=====================================

Scenario 2:
A few days ago, PPQ asked AKK to accompany her to a seminar during the weekend.


‘Wait wait…I think i heard wrongly, what was it again? What's it called?’


‘It’s a seminar on ‘how to make relationships work’. Want to come with me? It’s only $10.’

‘er…no thanks. You enjoy yourself though.’

‘Yup. I'll try. I’m sure I will learn many things.’


PPQ thought a bit more then voiced out.

'Do you think, AKK, that I could meet someone there? perhaps another person with the same problem as me?


'Er...I'm sure you aren't the only female who decides to make her life better with a clean slate.'


'No, AKK.....another guy.'

=======================================


Then the weekend went by and on a Monday, my office phone rang. It was one of my clients who wanted to request my services. After we confirmed time and date, he suddenly perked up over the phone,

‘Ay, Akk! I got stuff to tell you! I met your colleague, the PPQ, at the relationship seminar! What a small world!’

Eh? This client of mine is quite the ladykiller. He dresses well, looks cute, can talk, is super-single and happy just the way he is. Apparently he went just to keep another guy fren company. Lo and behold, PPQ sat just beside them and they all started chatting.

Just as I finished the conversation and put down the phone, PPQ came into the office and went straight for me, chirpier than I've seen her in weeks.

‘Guess what! I saw your client there! I didn’t know you had such a cute client! So gentlemanly somemore…….’ And she walked to her desk with a silly smile on her face….


I have a bad feeling about this…..


out!

akk

Things that make you go ‘er….’

Hi all!



When your colleagues unabashedly with 2 oranges and say, ‘ happy CNY, AKK! Here’s a pair of oranges for you!!’

AKK: “Great! Thanks! And here’s a pair back for you too!’

Colleagues: ‘Ay so bad ah, no ang pow ah? U married liao leh’

AKK (embarrassed): er…..





When you invite your friends to come over for CNY during a dinner gathering:

AKK: hey, everyone at this table is invited to come my place this Saturday!!
XYZ: yayy!! Another gathering! ABC, you bring your bf along leh, I’ve never seen him. AKK, ask ABC to bring her BF leh!

AKK who has seen the bf and really didn’t like him much goes ‘Er….’







AKK on email: hey all, you guys are invited to my place for CNY!!

ITE ask AKK loudly and with everyone within hearing range, ‘Hey AKK, my BF says he wans to come, can he come? Pretty please?!’

AKK who wans to keep it small but got caught in the great outdoors goes ‘Er….’


NUS asks AKK ‘Ay, I have activity with my BF in the morning, so can I bring him to your place? I’m driving and it’s very bad to dump him lonesomely at the MRT while I come here by myself.’


AKK who can’t think of a better place to dump the BF so he can go home goes ‘Er….’






NUS mass-mailed everyone: Yo! See u all, I’m bringing BF, Akk allows!!!’


Then.....‘Oy, AKK, I heard NUS’ BF going, can I bring my other half too?’

and the cycle begins....





So when did I start having idiots who can’t read between the lines of ‘If you didn’t hear it from me, then you aren’t invited?’ clause?

Have I been missing out on the erosion of common courtesy?




And why when I open my house with purely good intentions, I get ppl who get pissed that their other halfs can’t come along? I mean, come on, my house right? It’s got a capacity to what it can hold and how much I can cook.




Pls think for me and be kind to me. I didn’t have to do this. Stressed over pitiful lousy things……



OUT!

AKK

Sleeping habits, Vol 1

Hi all!

if you have been catching up with the blog and especially the latest voice entry (which was eons ago), then you'll know that I have been staying with A for quite a while already. To someone who's never once had a man in the same bed before (never for want of trying), the first few starts were very daunting. I mean, it's pretty hard trying to keep my hands to myself and not let them stray all over the place....


In any case, this entry has been ruthlessly censored because it's confirmed that Chuikueh (bro) will turn green if I continue from those dots. So rather than all those R(A) moments and making him waste his school pocket money, why not go into the X-files-moments that occurred since the bed started getting bigger and yet smaller at the same time?


There's more than a few already, so it'll be made into a series. :)


Conversation between A and AKK on a weekend morning in front the TV:



A: Hey dear, did you have a good rest?



AKK: Yah, why? Did I kick you again?



A: No lah, not kick. You have no recollection?



AKK: No leh. God, what did I do this time?



A: At first you were asleep, then your eyes suddenly open and you pointed at the ceiling and you shouted ,'Chinese!!!'



AKK: huh?!



A: Really! You pointed at the ceiling lamp and shouted 'Chinese!!'. Then for a while, I kena those 'sadako' moments, cos you look so awake. So I stared at the ceiling too and asked you, 'Where?'



AKK*scared*: then then?!! what I say?



A: you shouted, 'On the Streets!!!'



AKK: huh?!



A: Then you immediately went back to sleep.



AKK: Really?!



A: Really! After that, I kept nudging you 'which street, which street', but you dead to the world liao....




==================================



Haiyah.....I forsee many more such moments with a light sleeper like A....


OUT!


akk

how's that for a short entry?

Happy New Year and an Update!!!

Yooooo!!!!!


To everyone out there, xin nian kuai le, wan shi ru yi!!!! Sorli siah that the new year should bring out all the guilt in me about the MIA-ness of my entries. But the thing is….


I was truly so fricking busy!!! And I was doing actual factual work!! *gasp!!!** you know, the thingy that people need to go through to get money at the end of every month….legally?

So the new year has been a deserved big break, so flouting and commiting all top 10 abuses in the workplace, I am now, here, writing a new entry for the new year to all of you. At the risk of job, career and big boss’ radar.

How has my Jan month been? I’d like to say it was hunky dory, cos I had my first work trip overseas, to the US, no less! But seriously hor, if you really see beyond that smiley face and look deep into me soulful eyes, you may suspect a twinge of deep-seated resentment waiting to ram out the mask. Would I be disloyal if I said I didn’t much like it, to break the trust the company gave to send me all the way on SIA to a touristy city within 6 months of the job?


Perhaps. But I truly truly hated it!!!! Argghh!!!! Minus all those 3 times when I sneaked out of the fricking 12 hour-5-day-iron-shackled-conference, I disliked every second of it!!!


Yuck yuck yuck!!! Meeting all those snooty high-powered academics!!!! Yuck yuck!! Listening to their lacklustre speeches that makes even my Chinese teacher’s mumbling the stuff of a Toastmaster’s praise. Yuck yuck!!! Trying to read the fine prints of their powerpoints. Argghh!! Having to say ‘Hi, how are you?’ with the megawatt smile turned on high and eliciting zilch response in return, that was the worse!!! Argghh!!


Snooty, snobby bunch of intellectual idiots….


And then I came back to face a huge mountain of work, all sussed up and upset that there wasn’t much to learn from it all and that I had wasted my 5 days trying to do so when I could have disappeared from it all and toured the city flat…..double aarrgghhh arghhh argghhhh……


And then there were the clients who had missed me much during my leave and came with piles of work for me to sort out. Urgent urgent!!! Everything must be done by today so I can collect by tomorrow….and they never did. Then came the monthly takings and production data to calculate, organise and file up. Then came, hot on its heels, the bi-annual meeting with the director, who talks money all the time…..


Money money money, you’d think that he was paying us loads to keep from having to come every month for a check-up. I mean, the whole bloody place was running as efficiently as if he comes in every single day. But noooo…..he pays us peanuts, and it’s normal peanuts, not the Durai peanuts, mind you.


Which is why I’m so frustrated. Because my own department is new, I’m the only one holding the whole fort. Heck, I have to close shop just to take leave. So it hurts when they always tell you ‘we cannot offer you more, this very high liao.’ And then they turn around and offer the exact same amount to someone with a half the jobscope, zero experience and 1 notch down the academic ladder just because that someone has been working since she left school and has had the good sense not to believe these conniving bosses and the HR about not be able to offer more. Hey! I study so much for what?


Arghhh!!! In anycase, talks on promoting me are on the way, but hell lah, I know I’m a good worker, but I dun care about the promotion, that won’t make my eyes light up. I care more how much you can raise my stinking pay.


It’d better be high!!! Idiots…..


My dad once told me that no one is indispensable. Last time, I would agree when I first started on this job. Now? There’s only me that knows how to work the machine, indispensable? I’d like to see the department try to accept clients when their main core is not around.


Another fren says, ‘no job is indispensable.’ Yup….I think so too.


You know why? Cos I ain’t afraid of change.


It’s time to fight for my rights…..



Out!
AKK

Layer by layer you'll be stripped clean....

Hi all!


man am i glad Jaywalk sent me this! I'm running low on fuel for blogging because i've been busy reading, took up a lot of my time being in another place....so thanks!



Layer ONE- On The Outside
Name: Ang Ku Kueh
Birth Date: 198*
Current Status: Married
Eye Color: Black
Hair Color: Now dirty brown (dye lah)
Righty or Lefty: Right-wing
Zodiac Sign: Fishy

Layer TWO - On The Inside
Your Heritage: what’s this? Clementi town eating yong tau fu on a sunday morning?
Your Fears: Failing although you tried fricking hard
Your Weaknesses: my libido… Can’t seem to go down. Have to be barred from erotica novels and anime for my own good but isn’t.
Your Perfect Pizza: beef, mushrooms, tomato paste, and topped with mozzarella cheese and jalapenos

Layer THREE - Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow
Your thoughts first waking up: AArrgghh!!!! Prince Charming was just about to snog me!!! Come back! Come back!!!
Your Bedtime: Anytime I feel like it.
Your most missed memory: waking up at ungodly 6.30 am in Granny’s home and smelling Great Gran’s (GG) infamous aroma of black-kopi-from-proper-local-kopi-hoon-brew-in-sock. Yup, I drank kopi very very early in life….kindergarten years….and I drank from the best source too.

Layer FOUR - Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke: None. Makes me burp bubbles. But if I must, coke.
McDonald’s or Burger King: Definitely Burger King lah!
Adidas or Nike: Nike because I want to pretend I’m a sports-person
Lipton tea or Nestea: Lipton Tea
Chocolate or vanilla: Chocolate.
Cappuccino or coffee: Kopi-Si Siu Dai. Or late GG’s Kopi-O-that one no fight. Wish she was still around….

Layer FIVE -Do You
Smoke: Never ever wanted to. Saw Uncle die of lung cancer….terrible. Doctor cut out the lung to show auntie the cancer….
Curse: progressive. From normal eggs to smell eggs and graduating to fuck and now got CCB liao… If you don’t know CCB, I hope you remain clueless and will not meet anyone that deserves the label.

Layer SIX - In The Past Month
Drank alcohol: Lotsa beer and vodka mixes in the office. Lotsa wine at parties…
Gone to the mall: Just during the weekend for post x’mas sale. :)
Been on stage: No. Got stage fright.
Eaten sushi: Nope, too healthy for my taste.
Dyed your hair: all the time!

Layer SEVEN - Have You Ever?
Played a stripping game: I wanted to!!! Anyone up for it? I suck at Poker!!!
Changed who you were to fit in: Who never?

Layer EIGHT
Age you’re hoping to be married: right on schedule!!!
Layer NINE - In A Girl/Guy
Best eye colour: Anything. Good to hug can liao.
Best hair colour: Anything. Good to hug can liao.
Short or long hair: Anything. Good to hug can liao.

Layer TEN - What Were You Doing
1 minute ago: pretending to work while doing this meme.
1 hour ago: small-talk with satisfied client…O.O
4.5 hours ago: reading a storybook at my cubicle. (came early lah! Office hour haven’t start yet!)
1 month ago: Busy working. Dec was a killer month with high pickings. :)
1 year ago: Teaching and having a cushy life in Uni.

Layer ELEVEN - Finish The Sentence
I love: to have an easy life, one where money is no longer a concern and I could buy any books I feel like without cringing and spent the days reading and reading and dissociating. Better yet, be a librarian or live right beside a library so I'll never run out of things to read. hmmm....and A, of cos....ahem....
I feel: happy enough right now to daydream about what I’d love to do but know that I’ll have to shelve it for later. Next time, next time. One day, I shall own Terry Prachett’s Unseen University cut-out book, you’ll see.

I hate: people who disrespect me and my expertise in my work just because they think they are PHDs, Post-Grads, Scholars and therefore automatically think they know more than I do.
I hide: my sex-addict thoughts most of the time from most friends. Oh…so now you know....
I miss: GG….and her Kopi-O. My late hamster. That silly pussy cat at the void deck. And A, of cos.....6 more hrs to seeing him...
I need: nothing. I am happy. I think.

I mean, I'm breathing and the air is clean and I've got enough to eat and a place to sleep.

Layer TWELVE - Tag 5 People
Anyone who will benefit from this exercise and who reads me. :)


That's all!

out!

akk :)

Happy New Year!!!

Hi all!

Thanks to all you well-wishers out there that have made my x'mas just a little much more better and meaningful. I've not been blogging because of something which I will be posting up soon. Just like to say that everything's hunky dory and pretty well-rounded in terms of highs and lows in the year 2006.

In fact, it has been such an eventful year for me, changing jobs, getting married, moving house. Oh yes, everyone keeps asking me when's the ceremony? I'd like to say that I'll probably serve my tea to both sides of my folks and that will be that. But I seem to have friends who are ready to whip out their wallets to do a generous bit of charity (i.e. me), so perhaps when I'm finally debt-free, I might actually book a restaurant for them so they can shower me with their gifts and cash-cheques. This debt-free thing, while it might occur when I'm alive, will definitely occur when I'm in the grave, so the dinner amounts to the same thing ('choi choi!!!').


recently, i have been taken for a ride on Neil Gaiman's new book 'Fragile things'. if you like freakiness and sadism, this is it. It's a collection of short stories, one of which I'm totally disturbed, which is why it makes for such a good read. For him, it might be best to leave reason and logic on the doorstep before entering, he is never sensible and always fantastical.

When I have time, I'll share his shorter stories here.


Today, topic is about nightmares. Someone once told me that dreams and nightmares stops where the knowledge ends. Eg, if you have never been kissed, then you may dream of it, but you'll not feel the lips. it'll be like empty air.


hmm....actually to digress abit--- if this person is correct, how come when I dreamt this porno-sci-fi dream where I got raped hibitually by my robotic hubby, I can actually feel his small sharp tentacle jabbing into me? The feeling was so profound and utterly indescribable that I woke up startled by the wierdness. Almost immediately I slap my head for stupidity and tried my best to go back to sleep, hoping to dream out the entire episode so I can experience the rendering without going through the actual event.

That was back in 1998.


And seriously, you ain't old till you start recalling the exact year instead of saying, 'last time,....'

More about that dream next time.


For this nightmare, I had it in 1997. My family had moved to a mansionette to make more room for my lil' brother. I had a big bedroom all to myself. It must have been during the time when my dad was retrenched and trying his hardest to get another job during the economic downturn. The family was running fairly well on savings and my mum was pulling double-loads giving tuition and keeping us fed. We kids all worried, nevertheless.

I can never forget that night out of the many nights of slumber and stress. It was dead quiet in my room because I had the windows closed because it was raining. Only the whirring fan broke the abject silence and ear-ringing. It was meant to be a cosy night ensconced in my bed, which was placed against the wall. I have the habit of sleeping with my back right against a solid object, a remnant learnt from another nightmare.

The square room was cast in grey and blue shadows-- a still-frame if not for the fan turning silently in one quiet corner.

So that was when I woke up. Blearily opened 1 eye and about to burrow into the blankets before I noticed my big bro. He was in the middle of my room.

A long straight figure with his crumpled head slumped. Suspended, he swung to and to from my ceiling light. Somehow he had shifted my study chair from the study table to the middle of the room and used it to hang himself from the ceiling.

What made the whole situation more horrifying was that although his body amd limbs was deathly still, he swung violently to and fro.

'Gor...' I whimpered, hoping to squeeze against the wall harder but paralysed.

In response, the body swung harder. I knew then that it wanted to snap the rope to get to me....

My heart thudded so strongly I woke up hyperventilating. For the longest time, I couldn't fall asleep because I was too scared to close my eyes. I was sure that not only will I have the same dream again, it will be a continuation of it, this time, the rope will snap and I wouldn't be able to open my eyes.

If only I could also peel my eyes off my study chair, which was exactly where my nightmare left it.

In the middle of the room and beneath the ceiling lights.

Out!

Akk

Happy New Year!

Cheeky lil' Bro....

Hi all!


A prelude to this christmas...


Met my brother a couple of days ago for dinner. Halfway thruough the char kway teow, i noticed he was staring at me very very intently...


AKK: *preening* what what? Chio Bu never see before issit? Must stare until eye drop out.

Bro: Eh, sorli hor, u chio, I strike toto hor. Ay ay, ask you ah...very personal question hor....don't scold me.


And a million different personal questions flitted through my mind....hmm... sex? (always top the list) hubby? gf-bf problems? and so on.

AKK: oh why leh? got something so important must ask permission to say one ah?

Bro: *still staring at AKK* Yah, this question confirm.

AKK: *pause to think* OK lah, now I must know the question liao... Say say...





Bro: Is it just me or are your cheeks sagging?



AKK: ...........


Bro: What what?!!! You say can ask one what!!




Bro: *frying under AKK's glare* OKOK, actually I don't think so lah...not sagging lah...



AKK's heartbeat and blood pressure start to slow down....




Bro: *take cue from AKK* Ya, your cheeks not saggy...... they are probably just fat...

Out!

AKK

Revealing myself finally....

Edited with most spelling mistakes taken out. Ya ya, was rushing the entry and since I got fat, so have my fingers.....1 type, 2 keys....

Hi all!


I know I have been so utterly remiss in posting my entries. Nothing interesting actually. In fact, because lappy has been suffering a bit and feeling under the weather, I have stopped trying to bang on him recently (hur hur...) and instead tried to write my entries in the office PC.


Ok....so apparently I have been caught and given a big stern warning, especially after I typed 'porn' and 'gahmen' and 'blog'. My boss has given me some time-out and suspended my MSN.

In any case, I'm trying out the flickr thingy to see if it works as good as it sounds.


So yes! I'm gonna post up pics! And what pics are these, i hear you say? Oh...pics from my not-so-recent HK trip. i saw lots of stuff but I only got one thing to share... Just One.



Guess who I met???



This man....

WWAAAHHHH!!!!!!! I really met him, I really really met him!!! And he is soooo gorgeous, I had to take a pic with him!!! In fact, I lined up to get his pic, ok? The bloody Jap couple in front of me had so many tries!!!


And so because seeing him is such a worthy experience, I , ANG KU KUEH, shall throw away thine Mantle of Elusivenss and Mystery!


I, AKK, shall cast the Towel of Obscurity and Unveil the Silk from the Unseeing Eye.


I, AKK, shall finally reveal Myself in this Blog! YES!!!! In this blog! So that you may all share the Utter joy with me, of having Andy Lau, Plastered, yes!!! Plastered against My Body!!! *swoon*


Behold!!!! Throw the cobwebs from your eyes!!!






*Drum Roll.....*






























Aaahhhhhhhh..............Joy..........




Out!


AKK

Hi all!


The following is a mirror of Jaywalk's site. The standard chartered marathon is taking place on the 3rd of Dec, 2006, which is this SUNDAY!! Of cos, this time, the RFF won't be getting funds for their running. Instead, they are running to thank those who have helped, big or small.

But wait! this doesn't mean that once RFF isn't getting any funds this year, we can take a breather and keep away the money/sweat....In fact, I was slightly upset because I had already saved a bit for this purpose.

If you are doing it as I have done, then why not shuttle to others who need the help? I'll be splitting to MILK and ST Pocket Money Fund.


While the year is ending, let me wish you all a fantastic Christmas December ahead and while you are mulling over what to get for your family and friends, remember there are kids out there worried over more difficult things.


Another idea: How about doing a donation in your loved ones' name? My Uncle recently donated $5 under my name for the Cancer Foundation, which is quite touching. If the operator had not called me to confirm my IC no., I would not have known about it. So you go, Uncle V! i promise not to call you uncle ever again after this. :)

Without further ado, here's the mirror. :)

Dear All,

This week, we have featured folks who shared their thought on how we can all contribute to plug small gaps in our welfare system. I hope it has triggered some thoughts on how you can make a difference to someone's life. It need not be a $10million donation to a foundation. It just needs to be an act from the heart.

Maybe you can buy a cup of coffee for the cleaning Ah Soh in your company who is struggling to make ends meet.

The principle stays the same. If you don't do anything about it, there can be no change. As Ghandi said, "Be the change you want to see in this world."

I would like you to leave a comment on how you will be a change agent in your small way.

My parting words...

"The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention"

- Adrian


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