Sunday, October 16, 2005

Chronicles of A…vol 2 : singing again

EDITED: an Original song included towards the end. :)
Hi all!!!

It’s been sometimes since I’ve been toying with the idea. You see, being the cheapskate that I am, I seldom like to buy things for myself. Which essentially means that I am the last person who would go out of my way to buy a gift for anyone. Since I’ve barely gotten into my job yet, there are lotsa money to be saved and earned for a rainy day. If like I kena big big accident and end up totally paralyzed (choi choi!), it will be nice to have enough money to apply for the right to undergo Euthanasia to end my suffering, rite?

Believe you me, Human rights also costs money nowadays and I intend to be a free man…woman.

This means that I don’t buy gifts, I’d rather make them.

Think about it, it’s a marvellous fantastic money-saving idea! Last time, there’s this guy who asked me to teach him how to decorate a glass bottle so he can put paper stars in them to give to his Gf… I mean, such a sweet thing to do right? And although I’ve got my eye on him in the craft shop and constantly helped him to troubleshoot and repair damage, the end result still look like the bottle was designed by an insane glassblower and later painted by a colourblind 3-yr-old.

It looked so bad I wondered if I didn’t teach him properly, but when he later paid for the lesson using his credit card, I saw that his signature kena like chicken scratchings, so I felt more relieved…

The point being that he later came back just to thank me for the lesson and to tell me that she loved loved loved it. Discounting the fact that she is, by then, his ex-Gf, didn’t change the point that:

a) Just becos it’s home-made/hand-made, ppl automatically think it’s 100 times prettier.

b) No matter how ugly something looks or is damn easy to do, ppl are automatically happier knowing that you made the useless ornamental gift rather than bought something more useful/beautiful/practical thing from a shop. They may like it less, but they’ll appreciate the work behind it more. Unless its jewellery or gold bars, of cos, then it’s a different category altogether.

So I’ve recently been toying with the idea to make something for A. I’m not particularly good at poetry, since my handwriting is also rather like chicken scratchings themselves. I’m not good at cooking and the bloody breadmaker is spoilt already (11 days old!).

So I thought about singing again.

I mean, at least this is one thing that I know for sure(!) that I do quite badly at, but it seems to make ppl damn happy to hear me. In fact, it has come to my attention that my singing can bring serious hilarity among my frens…

So I though….why not sing a song for him?

Oh goody! It’s one of those gifts with 1 cheap CD that can be nicely wrapped with cheap ribbon and yet can look so super expensive. And since it’ll contain my golden dulcet voice, I’m sure it’ll render A speechless with awe….

OK….probably just speechless……..

So I’ve been busy racking through my retro 80s CD sets for the perfect song. Bananana-rama? No. Ace of base? No. Bryan Adams? Nooooo……

Then finally I hit upon this song, babytalk!

Oh yeah! It seem to contain all the words I want to tell him. So excited was I that I started recording right away without learning the lyrics….Hahahah…it’s like the JPB song all over again!

But this time, I truly wanted to perfect it, so I made more recordings.

All the variations included:

a) Singing with face plastered to the lappy or across the room for the ‘hollow’ effect.

b) Singing under white light for energy or with soft light for lomance….even in the darkness for added shiver.

c) With fan or aircon.

d) Day or night

e) Standing or sitting

Towards the end, I was enjoying laughing at myself too much to stop. I even tried singing it lying down or hanging up-side-down over the bed, once even with water in my mouth….just to hear if there’s any difference. I pretended screaming linkin-park way, bo-chup pet-shop-boys-way, then shouting, then sexy, then sultry, then bubbly…..

And finally among the 17 over so recordings…I replay and play and play until I hit the correct track.

….It was the one without the frills….

No matter how much I re-listen between the Creed, Marilyn and Dick Tracey, I always ended up liking the no-frills version better. The sultry one was damn goosepimply and the sexy one sounded like I swallowed a horse (whole….so it was singing through me…). The one standing up sounded too high pitched while the upside-down version was simply gabled becos the lyrics were also upside down and half-way through, I lost concentration and started sweeping the ground playing with my hair…

Oh well… has to be the no-frills one then.

Incidentally this is related to the second incident (bloody damn big digression hor? Hur hur…I out-do myself every entry):

After the sorry hunt for the snail, (‘Oy, little snail with the brown stripes! Not you, You! I’m sorry if my toe destroyed your travels plans, pls tell grandma it’s my fault….) I was waiting for the opportunity to ask him, in a super-indirect-kinda way, whether he likes a gift of song from me or not.

‘Hey, dear, have you ever heard me sing?’

Oh well, so much for being indirect…..

‘As a matter of fact, yes, I have!’

OK, so I wasn’t expecting this answer….my breath hitched and I began to replay parts of my life for any unknown forgotten drunkard episodes.

‘You have? Since when?’

‘Since when we were frens?’ Gosh! This was 5 years ago!

‘Er…but that’s quite a while ago…u mean u remembered?’

‘Of cos! How to forget?’

A nigging suspicion and dare I say it? Fear began to eat at me…an image of all my 17 re-takes being unsuccessfully flushed down a toilet bowl began to form….

‘Er….what song did I sing?’

He turned and looked at me gravely.

‘You really wanna know?’ and squeezed my hand in his…. Jidan! It must be something really bad….


He looked up into the clear starry night and briefly closed his eyes in remembrance. Then he turned and looked at me again. I see that his infamous girl/auntie/lady/married women-killer lazy smile has surfaced.

‘You sang…’ and the grin became wider, before it was hastily stifled….

‘Stop keeping me in suspense lah!’ I head-banged his shoulder with my forehead just for emphasis….

'You sang.......The Elmo Song.....'

‘ WAT??!’

‘The ELMO SONG……..’

Lala-lala-lala-lala...elmo song!!!

that instant, i appreciated the true meaning of the word ‘flabbergasted’. He had to shift my chin back up before the night moths invaded. I never knew! Elmo song?! Of all the songs to sing, I sang a Sesame Street kiddy song that even my 10 yr old cousins would shy away from?!

Suddenly, like a charging MRT on the loose, a distant, long-lost and obviously tightly-bound memory burst through the tracks of my brain….a series of images in monochrome shades focused and flipped like a photo album.

A conversation with A in a car. On cartoons. Yous favourite childhood shows? Mine? Sesame street. You like it too! Cookie monster. The count also. Elmo is cutest, of cos. Have you heard him sing? No? I sound like Elmo. Really! Don’t believe? Don’t laugh ah?

~~~~~Lalalala-lalalala…..ELMO SONG!!! Lalala-lala-Elmo song!!! ~~~~~~

.............And slowly the train of thought faded into the distance, leaving me hollow with dread. Yet, a bubble of hilarity seem to be easing itself upwards past my throat….

No! I’m not gonna ask!!! I tell myself, don’t ask it! Shut up!

‘Er…..’ ............SSSsssHHHHhhhh..........!!!!!


‘What did you do?’ Dammit! Mentally I head-banged myself.

‘Pretend to like it….’

Horrors of horrors, the moment I heard him, I started into a fit of giggling….especially when I saw his face was momentarily twisted in wry recollection. Oh gosh…I couldn’t stop my shoulders from shaking when he started looking at me in mock accusation.

‘Did you know how long it took to stop the song from blaring in my head?!’

That’s it! I bursted a spleen and started whooping in laughter! And to think this guy, after what I did to his poor ears, after all this while, trawling this gory memory, he still thinks I’m the bee’s knees…. I gripped my sides while he ferociously tried to keep his scowl from sitting up.

When I sufficiently recovered to stand upright again, I heard a reedy, nasal voice issuing from his lips….

‘This is the song…lala-lala….elmo song…lala-lala-lala-lala….elmo song….’

I sang the music, i wrote the words...that's elmo song!!! Posted by Picasa

I collasped like a rag-doll again…

A, a true tactician, believes that revenge is best served in cold....blood…..

And yes, this episode took me a whole week to recover…..


AKK :)


Li-er said...

My favz irritating elmo! Ha!

Cae said...

Yeah Yeah! The return of the Singing AKK!!!

JiEq| ^_^ said...

Now you've done it! It's blaring in my head non stop!!

I'm gonna go terrorize someone with that song. Muahahahaa =X

daniellekris said...

hey! you've got a very nice jazz voice :)

lancerlord said...

Elmo Song. Lancerlad's favorite. :)

Jay "How Come Never Thank Me For Introducing The Song To You?" Walk said...


Now can you sing Crazy as well? Would love to hear it.

Jayaxe said...

That was some wonderful unplugged singing! Now where's your version of that Elmo song???

nadnut said...


sing for me next time k?

Derrick said...

so, how much does Euthanasia costs?

Anonymous said...

er... would love to hear a recording of your elmo song...


barneysaurus said...

Walau, you and A damn sweet lor :D!! Damn envious sia... I want a relationship like that too :D!!!!

Eh... ever considered sending A your Ji Pa Ban :)?

Ang Ku Kueh said...


hahahah....irritating like hell!!!


eh? i remembered u! hheheeh...u only appear when got songs...:)


there's a downloadable version of the original Elmo's song from the internet, hehehe...enjoy!


wah lau....ur ears are playing tricks on u, heheheh....but thanks! :)


want lancerlad to duet with me? hehehehe.....


hahaha..ya hor!thankew you!Crazy's a bit hard, i'll try my best siah? no garuantees!


complimenting so blatantly against its real nature for this song won't fool me into letting out an AKK-elmo track one!!! hahha...pull the other leg siah! :)


u go buy earplugs then we talk again, heheh...


are u someone i know? :)


want a relationship like mine? i tot u almost or having it liao lor....a big frenly purp dino like u!!!isn't there a green triceretop somewhere in ur show? everyday sing song sweet wat! :)

Anonymous said...

Actually I have no idea how does elmo's song sounds like, so maybe U can sing a little tune so I can at least how does elmo's song sounds like. haha deprived childhood.
I oni remembered the theme song to the sesamee street and the one that goes "123456478910 11 12"..

Tempest Blue said...

Wah... pei fu pei fu! *clap clap* You really have a great voice, esp in the upper range! Hee, should remix that clip and put in the backing track. Liddat damn pro liao! ;-)

Anonymous said...

hey akk, perhaps u could write abt how u and A got to know each other, and how both of u developed your feelings/relationship...

cant wait for you to share your romantic love story... =D hee...

nadnut said...

i wanna hear de ji pa ban one! send me next time!

babytalk sounds great!

Lynne said...

OK, now I know how you landed your bf, by singing a song that will etch in his head for 5 years!

BTW, what did you do to the bread-maker?

Zhe Bin said...

You know what, I thought he was going to say he heard you sing JPB. Got a lil scared dio. Haha.

Ang Ku Kueh said...


I left the wav file of elmo's song in the entry liao. just click on the underlined 'elmo song' in the conversation.:)


hahaha....actually i tot i did leh. ok lah, perhaps can go into detail of how we met next time. for more info on the courtship (not that there was alot of it, ahem), pls read


eh........have to go find it......


wahahaha!!! you think so?! oh gosh! lucky i sang that stoopid song then! hahahah......

I've yet to haul the thing to the company for 1 yr warranty. but it's a good machine while it lasted....sighz...


hahaha...ya hor, I can see that it might have turned out that way...hehehe...but i know wun one lah, singapore so big! why got so suey! hehehe:)

Bittersweet said...

you sound good on the baby talk.. May i know who sang that song? i wanna get the lyrics!!

wally said...

Surprisingly, after what, 7 years? I STILL REMEMBER YOU SINGING THE ELMO SONG!!!

Ang Ku Kueh said...


someone commented I sound soft, do I? actually thre lyrics have been provided! pls click on the underlined 'song' beside babytalk. it's by Dave's True Story.:)


ahhhh!!!!! really!!!! choujidan!!! SSSsssHHHhhh!!!!!

Ruok said...

prefer ur jbp leh. maybe u shld upload a with lotsa frills version one hehehe.

lancerlord said...

If lancerlad sing with you, you sure kee siao one. He anyhow the sing one. He will sing too many lahs. :)

Winter said...

shall we go to ktv sooon?

This is a good idea for our meet-up


Chaichakri said...

AKK..... you are such a cheapskate.... but a SWEET cheapskate nonetheless.... I wish I could be so 'handy' with my hands, voice and 'other things'.... ha ha hee hee

nadnut said...


am eagerly waiting to be serenaded by akk next week.


stars_of_rain said...

Somehow this sounded better than the JPB. Maybe 'cause I wasnt laughing and could hear you better. Wahaha.

Btw, I LOVE ELMO!!!!

averilchan said...

Wah lau...Hurry go cut album can my Idol! Don't hesitate. No more Baby Talk. Just go cut your debut.

Your biggest fan,

stars_of_rain said...

Check your gmail?

Ang Ku Kueh said...


wah lau....wait long long...i trying to be demure now..hur hur hur....:)


er....isn't that the whole point?


heheh...i actually dun like KTV leh... :)


heheh...i'm only handy in crafts, nothing much.:)


hur hur...dun want!!! :)


aiyo.....thank goodness, not supposed to be funny, heheh :) i got ur email and replied.:)


heheheh....will only have 2 sales. 1 by me, another by u for 5 sec b4 u throw into dustbin...:)

frenie said...

heehee. I think singing for him is super sweet. Maybe add in an elmo track.

desperate addict said...

I love Elmo Song too!

becca said...

you sound very nice, i thought it was a cd track! :)

ivanny said...

awwwww he remembers!!! 5 friggin' years and he still remembers! hmmm...

hey the track wasn't too bad... at first i thought it was a cd recording by some jazz singer... but that was until i hear some minor pitch probs (which is totally fine... i'm worse)
anyway u sing quite well girl! just give him the cd with a nicely decorated album sleeve!!! lol... he is bound to remember this for the rest of his life; since he can still remember the 5 year old elmo rendition... lol

Ang Ku Kueh said...


he just might kill me ....

desperate addict:

i like it too! so cute! :)

becca: nice you are. :) my frens smsed me to quickly take it down, hahahaha.....


funny how things work out sometimes? we were both attached to other ppl then. din occur that we'll go 1 full circle and have him remember me doing something stoopid...:P)