Tuesday, May 31, 2005

Cheeks In! Chest Out! Huff Huff Huff!

hi all!

I'm going into confessions today! I realised that since I'm now writing my dissertation, I'm 24-7 in front of my laptop (who's a pretty baby, who is it? You are, babe, you are! *smooch smooch sounds to the keyboard*) and of cos, 24-7 online.

That means I'm not going back to school already, so I'm now at home, typing away, feeling my fats in my breasts moving down to my ass and getting stuck there so it can mould itself completely into my cushion seat.

Yup, I meant what I said... My favourite body part, er...parts, seem to be disappearing. I went to bathe and I look into the mirror and I started staring, turning this way and that, then jumping up and down, then a small pirouette...it's, they're...shrinking! I cup them, massage them and did all sorts of stoopid things tat I know other girls do in the privacy of their room, and I swear...

.....Suddenly got more space than usual.....

..........!!! My chest! *collaspe on floor*

Then worse, after I dressed up, my pants felt...tighter...so I did the 'back pose' test. That's when you go stand in front of a mirror with your back facing it, then use another mirror which you held in your hands to show you exactly how your back view looks like.......

my butt looked like it could balance an entire tea set...(and I am NOT posting a pic of it!)

Oh God...this is bad, I told myself, I've got to fricking start my exercise frenzy again! I hate exercising! It's painful and I don't care what ppl say about exercising making you high, because I sure never felt orgasmic when I do it!

I was making all sorts of plans in my head....maybe go for a jog in the late evening? Nah, get stitch from dinner. How about morning? How about you try whipping that fat ass off the bed at 10AM huh? Ok, not a good idea...maybe night time? Yah sure, you might get lucky and get raped, you never know...

As much as I want to say that my inner self (u know, the mythical thin girl in every fat gal? Yea, it's true) is a nice person, she is not. She's like the nastiest piece of work you'll ever meet. Every soliloquy ends with me slapping myself and having a headache.

Finally I resolved to go running today around about 6ish without dinner, not too hot in the day and bright enough to see where I'm running. Barring the possibility of rain, sleet and snow, I'm about to start a new phase of 'trim your fat ass campaign'. Since it's the rage now in Bangkok to exercise your bust line, maybe I should ask around about all these breast massages.

In the meantime, I shall clench my butt cheeks and take deeper breaths when trying to impress....

That said, as I shall need plenty of energy for my evening run, I shall go knock off for an hour or 2. Afterall, a rice-filled lunch always makes me sleepy...

Hmmm....after I beat up my bro over taking sneaky pictures of sleeping maidens quite some time ago, I thought this pic was quite good, considering it came from a handphone, so im putting it in here anyway, contrary to what I was screaming to him before... thankee, lil' bro. Don't ever do it AGAIN! Or may spirits haunts your every steps and have u languish in the thousand fires of hell!!

Pic removed...sorry....

A back dated pic of Specimen A: exhibiting beauty sleep in progress.....Courtesy of a little brother with nothing to do during his free time.....he is now nursing a black eye.... Posted by Hello

Dozing off!

To Dear Anonymous....

hi all!

When I first started writing about my 1st relationship with a guy whom I had a crush on for 3 years, I was writing a story that is already old. Old, as in that the feelings I've spent, wasted and nurtured over it have gone under the bed already and not likely to come out and haunt me again. In a way, when i finished it, i had a sense of closure, of a loose end being tied. I know it for what it was - peace. :)

While i wrote mostly for myself, I sincerely and humbly thank all who cared enough with this issue to comment. it is surely not the most tragic of love stories, nor the most happy of endings. In fact, I believe that most of us have actually experienced this event, or hear someone's friend of a friend of a friend suffered the same thing. Yup, this type of story is pretty cliche`d and can actually be found in many romantic movies.

On the other hand, I got some readers who are feeling indigant for me, especially 1 anonymous reader who actually commented to my comments on his comments in the Comments.

Wonderful! I thought, now this is someone who actually comes back round for a reply! usually I'll just comment on a blog entry and forget about it, but this reader I wanna keep!

On the other hand, I don’t actually know if its all from 1 anonymous person who wrote both or actually 2 different anonymouses, so I am writing this for Anonymous, who represents the masses that flit through my blog (whom i never knew about)this entry is for YOU:

At 11:18 PM, May 29, 2005, Anonymous said...
While reading this entry, i can't help to wonder why some ppl are always so irresponsible? He is a real idiot if he does not know u treat him more than a best fren. Why can't he has the guts to trash thing out?

At 9:47 PM, May 30, 2005, Ang Ku Kueh said...
thanks for dropping a note. to answer your question: he was irresponsible, he knew I liked him but he wanted the frenship and yup, he did not have the guts. So basically, everything I do myself lah.

but he's changed now, I guess, can't be too sure. it's all back when we were all pretty young, early 20s...

At 10:18 PM, May 30, 2005, Anonymous said...
I dun see why u should put all blame on urself. There is nothing wrong to love somebody, and it is reasonable to expect the other party to response to it. At least have the courtesy to make ur stand clear, rather than being an asshole that always take but never give. Tell him tat he has no balls!

oh Anonymous, you are such a gem! I especially love the part about him having 'no balls'. Much as I like to say that he doesn't have any, he actually has lah, otherwise my Maths fail or I cannot recognise what a 'round 3D object, might bounce' is. You sound a friend of mine ...hmmm...

But that's not important. What's important is that I always reply to comments. Not only does it 'up' my comments numbers to make ppl think my blog is visited more frequently (which is actually true, becos i visit my own blog very very often, but then again, not bloody counted), but I feel that everyone deserves to have a reply back, whether they come back to read or not.

So here's my reply to you Anon (that's a good name),

At 12.29 AM, May 31, 2005, Ang Ku Kueh said...

u know hor, if we're going to have a conversation, you'll do wonders for the comments counter leh, eheehe...

But seriously, I can't say he's a coward. maybe he started out being one, not being resolute enough to say that our relationship is headed for disaster. But really, at the time of the break-up, I never ever blamed it all on myself. I know we both contributed to it. He was a bad ass, i admit, but not yet a 'hole'. I also very dumb, keep giving and never asked much in return. So to a young guy, he pretty much thought he's doing ok. But when it was over, he was pretty fraught with guilt and regret and he admitted it freely.

We all live and learn, you know, but few of us seldom walk back to our past and ask for forgiveness from the ones we hurt. He is one of those ppl. After leaving the country, he gave a long-distance call one night and asked for my forgiveness. Of cos, before that, he talked about life over in London and we chatted about his room-mate and how he like this girl or something, then out of the blue, he told me frankly,

'I'm sorry that it wasn't as good while it lasts for you than it was for me. I want you to know that Our relationship was the Best time of My Life, and I'm truly sorry that it was built on the worse of yours.'

There I was, thinking that he did learnt something from Law school…. That was singularly the most poetic thing ever said to me. I also happen to think that it True, so I said 'thank you' because he acknowledged the pain I went through and did not try, like some ppl, to glance off the blow of having to bear the brunt of a relationship gone wrong. That's a big deal, coming from the fact that we came from the same school and knew each other's friends.

I think that took balls, don't you?

Anyways, while I bet that he treats his current GF with more respect and love now than ever, I probably spoilt him for other women because seriously, he's not going to find another person like me anymore. That, also, made me a bit happy, although I shouldn't be.

Yups! I guess I've answered the question pretty OK. Anything, pls comment! Oh and yes, ok to put your initials? then i won't feel as if I'm addressing the whole WWW.

Thanks to all who contributed to this entry and all others, I'd be a hypocrite if I say I write for only myself. A voice that on one hears does not make a sound. On this online journal, I write to be heard.

Friday, May 27, 2005

I have a sudden thought...

This entry is going be a short inane one.

Let me just say that I don't do this sort of thing, but I can't help it right this moment...

Panties are called panties because they make guys pant....

That's all. Ciao


Tuesday, May 24, 2005

Do you have a Life Plan?

Oh no, Now that i see the title, it sounds as if I'm talking about insurance.... But of cos I'm not, I'd make a terrible insurance agent.... I did used to be a sales personnel-cum-arts teacher-cum-assistant manager in an Art and Crafts Store. That shop hiked up their prices by so much as a whooping 700%, then expect me to sell their product to the Singaporean masses...

EsQ me hor, you think the normal money-minded, KS singaporean will want to spend $30 on a single rubber stamp? Yes, albeit it was a pretty stamp of a Rose, but for fricking $30, I'd get a 'bukay' already (forgot how to spell), rather then go home and stamp the $30 rubber stamp on a $2 cardboard card, using a $15 inkpad. It was so bad that when arts students (very New arts students) or housewives come to the shop to look around or when I was teaching the newbie on how to make certain crafts, I'd be telling them to go get their supplies from Bras Basar. But of cos, some of the richer tai-tais always came back to buy crafts here, just so I'd be around to teach them how to make them properly.

So for that $30 rose stamp, you'd have thought I'd get like $10 from it, since the shop is actually still standing becos the customers required my expertise. But obviously got no such thing, so in the end, I'm paid a measly $5/hour, without OT pay and all the grievances I can encounter having like, at one time, 5 managers above me, wearing down the carpet in the shop, doing nothing but siewing hong-ki all the time out the backdoor.

Oh shit, i digress again!

back to the topic:
did you ever have a Plan sometime in your Life? The one where, if you were a girl, you'd put the maximum age before you declare yourself a blue-stocking, on account of having no boyfriends, and then retire to China to live in the pasture? the one with the minimum age to achieve before you deem it morally possible to lose your viginity? Or the one with the maximum age limit to have a kid before the odds of getting down syndrome on your infant is too high for you to risk pregnancy?

if you were a guy, then it is the maximum age you can reach before you lose your virginity, duh! Any age above that and you'd to start lying to your other guy and gal friends that you've 'done' it before. The maximum age you can still remain a Bachelor, without having to surrender to the term 'old perv' or 'gay' among the female crowd?

Yes, very important, your Life Plan. It's made up of all your childish hopes and dreams and the underlying principle that the World is, despite the increasing crime rate, the unending wars, the crazy terrorisms, still basically a wonderful place to grow up in.

As for me, the excerpt below is a message from the past, in a bottle. Straight from my Diary is an entry of my Life Plan (pls bear in mind I'm already 26):

19 yrs old- 1st year university, get a BF

21 yrs old- Lose that piece of flesh, and get instant gratification plus love (so naive!) in return

22 yrs old- Finish University and go on a Backpacking trip in Europe for 3 months

23-25 yrs old- Find iron-rice bowl and work hard at keeping it filled

26 yrs old- Wedding, not just ROM, but the works, ie tea ceremony and banquet.

27-30 yrs old- Have at least 2 kids and at most 3 kids (!). Leave work to look after them.

30-40 yrs old- Stick to iron-cast bowl and work my way up to the top. make lotsa $$. Play Stocks, property etc. to increase output. Roll in dough.
40 yrs old- retire gracefully (!). Travel the world with hubby and kids. Send kids abroad to school, non of the singapore Education shit. get into mother/father-in-law's good books for a piece of inheritance (!)

55- death- enjoy tai-tai-hood. Learn mahjong to prevent onset of Alzheimer's. Workout and be healthy and slim. Botox and Lipo? or massage and spa? be a granny.

This would have been the story of my Life, had everything turned out as planned. I would have been this Tai-tai, career woman, successful mum, elegant grandma all rolled into 1. doe sit look difficult? Apart from the working to get money, I don't see any. It's pretty straightforward...

Hmmm....hell, so what went wrong?
you would have thought that it didn't matter leh, but I think the whole plan started unraveling when i didn't get a BF. in fact, looking and hitching for a BF was harder than I tot it would.

Then, at 23, instead of looking for a metal utensil, I continued studying. Because i was still a student, I was broke, so i never backpacked to Europe.

Now at 26 yrs old, I'm NO WHERE near to getting hitched, much less MARRIED.

*groan* Accepting this is hard to do, because i'm a biologist, we think women's egg cells start to go downhill after 24. i was actually conpromising already, giving myself till 27 to have kids...

So obviously, no hubby, no kids, no in-laws, no tai-tai-ism.

Hopefully, the career dream still viable, although with contract jobs right now, I'm probably earning a series of assorted cutlery of various metal alloys.

On the bright side, though, I already learnt how to play mahjong.

It's time to change! Posted by Hello

Alzheimer-free life, here I come!
aimless AKK ( in the true sense of the word!)

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Crushing Experiences about Crushes

Dear Diary,

Ahaha….I should really have started all my blogs in this way, right? Seriously, if I saw an entry like that while surfing, I’d just immediately clicked on it and snoop around and be Kaypo. What would humans be without curiosity, eh? Just a monkey that keeps falling out of trees, man…

Anyways, this entry is with regards to both Anna and Jayaxe’s takes on crushes. I know I’m, like, really slow, I mean, they’ve already talked about it and left the topic all alone already, what, like 4 entries since? But I remember the comment I wrote in Jayaxe’s entry, telling him I actually love to have a crush because it makes Life more interesting and Colourful, so I realised that instead of trying to analyse the topic to shreds again (which I can never do, not being philosophical enough), I might as well talk about my crushing experiences, pun fully intended.

I had a lot of crushes, I had one almost every year of my primary school days ever since the school nurse had to round the gals up to give those ‘you-know-what’ prep talks. There was always the

• Head Prefect Crush (Cos I’m seriously attracted to people with authority)

• Class Intellect (Cos I’m seriously attracted to smart people)

• Class Athelete ( Cos I’m seriously attracted to fit people)

• Class Joker (Cos I’m just so swept off my feet with people that can play pranks on the teacher and laugh at himself come the punishment)

So in actual fact, if you were to ask me, I wasn’t exactly crushing specific people in my primary/secondary school days, I was in fact having fun liking specific types of people. I was, if anyone asks, not seriously attracted to each and everyone of them, but more like attracted to different sides of personalities that I want a boyfriend to have. The perfect boyfriend (or so I thought) is obviously the mix of all 4, which is entirely impossible. Because like Batman and The Joker, these subsets are pretty mutually exclusive, you can mix some of them, but the whole package does not exist….so subconsciously the mind says that, hence I practically can harbour about like 2 crushes at once and exchange them regularly (much like friendship in those juvenile days).

Then come JC, that was when my first serious crush started. It came out of nowhere but it had a fist like a Sumo wrestler. Wham Bam, then…..Floating Stars! I saw him and that was it. I’d tell you then, that it was probably love at first sight, but 7 enlightening years down the road, I’ll honestly say it’s Lust, Hormones and just plain Loneliness of having no one to plonk your excess restless energy on.

How serious was it? Let’s see.

• I started caring about the way I look. For like the umpteenth time, I looked into the mirror and saw a Fat Person, except that this time, I can see a Thin Person inside the Fat Person trying desperately to Come Out. So I begun to try and help her.

• Instead of usually telling All my girl friends about it, I started keeping it to myself and (OK, I’m a Girl! We do Girly things) telling my closest friends only.

• Started keeping a diary and begun a creative process. I started eating less to languish in angst and fear and hope, I wrote poems to describe this overbearing feeling of despair. I wrote tirelessly into my diary to relive the experience of having him glance once in my direction; to have him talk to me; of holding the house phone for 20 minutes plucking up my courage to call; the abysmal self-hatred for putting the receiver back on the cradle.

• Continued writing on my diary and added 2 more volumes. It was all about him, EVERYTHING, because my life revolved around him, whatever I did could somehow to connected back to him, so it bears writing and savouring.

• The crush lasted 3 years. I rejected a few suitors in University. I kept a fading Neoprint photo of us on a keychain and stuck it to my bag for all to see, I did it to stop seniors (desparate ones lah, u know, the ones that have the clause ‘anything will do, even AKK’) from asking me out. I did it for my newfound friends to find something to talk about- him.

The final year, he became my boyfriend. Why? Because I was his friend, I was his Best female friend, we did quite few things together- like helping him buy V-day prezzies for his other girl friends (and I din have any becos he tot I didn’t want any- so Bull shit). He wanted me to remain a best friend so much he was afraid, when I finally told him I like him, our friendship would end.

Towards the end, I kind of coerced him to be at my side. It’s that or GoodBye friendship. Yes, I realise that now. It was all so self-sacrificing, selfish and pathetic. I put him in a bad spot by liking him when I should have been just the Good friend. Things would not be like this if I’d treated him like a Sister. But let's face it. It was obvious to me from the start that I wanted to know him and be his friend because I really really like him.

It was also obvious from the start that he couldn’t make himself like me as much as I did him. How could he? I really was just a friend to him…I should have known better.

The nightmare then begin in earnest. I just read my diaries, some of my entries….it seems that I only wrote about the bad things, there were endless pages of heartache, hurt, resentment and fear. He was in NS, so I never saw him except on weekends, but he’d said he wanted to hang out with his platoon mates, go pubbing, clubbing etc. In any case, he was too tired to go out, he wanted to be alone, he seldom returned my calls, he forgot it was my BDay, V-Day, Anniversary. Sorry dear, forgive me pls? Won’t do it again.

It was a bad time. Suddenly, the crush that I had, something that fuelled me and made my world achingly bright and colourful, had turned grey. I remember seeing the greyness, the emptiness, and strangely, the loneliness of being in a relationship but not exactly having one. I started thinking he didn’t like me (which is pretty accurate actually), I started asking my male friends about Male thinking. I started feeling like extra baggage. I thought I looked ugly when I'm standing next to him (hmm…that wasn’t far from the truth either). I felt worthless and really low on morale. You couldn't have made me feel high even if you put me in en elevator. I started thinking and crying over something that was so plainly obvious but which I refused to see. I refuse to acknowledge that part of it was my fault, that I made the 2 of us miserable.

Out of the greyness, I saw him finally, as a real person, with human faults. For once, there was no bright–blue aura of super-hero worship surrounding him anymore. He was callous not because he wanted to hurt me, he just didn’t know how to deal with me, the ever-loving, supportive girlfriend. He was tactless because he still treats me like a friend. He gave me the cold shoulder because he did not know such actions break me, because I never did any of these things back to him. I was like a Hush Puppy Lapdog! I always gave in, I supported him no end, I encouraged him to go out with his friends and I always always asked him if he was free, if he wanted to go out with me because he never once asked me out on his own…I really should have been sufficiently warned, you know....but aiyah..first Loves...

Then one day he said, ‘I want to study law.’
I said, 'Great! You filled in for NUS already?'
'Er...no, I want to study overseas,'
'Why not NUS?'
'Because it's not...good enough.'
'Yes...I think so.'

Then I knew it was time to let go. However much I felt like ranting and raving at this poor choice to split us up across a few continents, I wouldn’t want to be labelled as the one who dragged him back, and kept him from fulfilling his dream. I'll never live the guilt down, it wasn't as if the whole thing was rosy-tinted anyway- it was all...grey. So I told him I fully support his decision, I helped him vet his admission essays; I borrowed books on how to study abroad for him. I did everything within my power to help him make that step. Then I upped and left him.

It’ll be great to say that I dumped him, but truth to tell, I guess I was already dumped long before that. I might be in a relationship then, but it felt more like a restraining order to keep me from getting to close to him.

Eventually, of cos things turned out really well. He’s doing very very well right now. We are still on good terms and he calls me every now and then to update. He got himself a girlfriend, whom he told me is a fantastic person. He said he’s learnt a lesson between us and that he’ll never treat her the way he treated me. This, I thought, was one of the best things he could have said to me. It told me we had grown up and worked outwards. Basically, we came away from it learning a lot about ourselves. I learnt that it was wrong to place idol-worship as real love, to mistake it to be something deep and meaningful, when all it did was to blind me from seeing that we are totally incompatible. I learnt that I shouldn't be looking for Mr Perfect, but instead, for Mr Perfect-for-me.

I say it now that since then, I never wrote another diary entry. Which is a good thing, because I no longer have any bad experiences I care to put into words anymore. Since then, I’ve again had a few crushes—u know, the Dean's Lister, the Hostelite Dude, the Orientation Leader, but I’ve learnt to handle them the way they should be handled- lightly and happily and above all, secretly.

Because sooner or later, the target changes.

But fortunately, the colours never fade away.


Tuesday, May 17, 2005

BB and the pantry: a 'normal' day entry

OK, a note of honesty here. Compared to the horrible incidences I've been hearing and reading from (mostly contributed by Fat Fingers), my workplace is a veritable heaven. No a pinch of office politics can be found.

Why? Because we really work independently of each other in the laboratory. We may work in the same field but we don't do the same projects, so no cause for one dog to eat another and definitely nothing to fight about among us. And everyone is on each other's side because no one is on the side of the BB (Big Boss). This is an ordained fact and created by Natural Selection. Office politics occurs very frequently, but only when there's 1 person, just 1, who sucks up to the boss. Thankfully, we've already...ah...took care of the situation. (I never said nothing. There was never a Jerad in our Lab. Nope, you must have been mistaken. BTW, what's your name and where do you live?)

The BB: He is this Big (no, actually, quite small sized...), Wily (pretty much), Old (not that old..) Fox. Ok lah, I guess when you are as accomplished as he is in research, you can probably be able to think 1 thing, but say another all the time....

But he is still the only person I know, Prof/student/chicken rice Uncle/kopi auntie or otherwise, that actually thinks Science is 'sexy'. We, that means I, never really knew what he meant. I mean, how can Science, the study of logical and technical function of our World and the equivalent of a smack-in-the-face to Myths, Deities, Fairy Tales, Superheros and all things creative, be compared as something like SEX, that all exciting, hitherto unmatched taboo-ically, frenzy-causing, caveman-historical act of Nature, which against all scientific thinking (in-shoot-out), manages to possess unimaginably creative inputs and outputs. I mean, look at the porn industry, will you?

But enough about Sex and the BB, today we are going to discuss about the pantry. Yes, the pantry, the place to relax and take a breather, to hide from the boss behind a cup of Milo, the place to stash your cookies and of cos, the place to eat someone's stash of cookies. My lab has this tinny pantry that we all take our meals from. It spans 1 bench width and has a PC right beside the hot water flask, powerpoints overloaded with multi-way sockets.

Like an old garang guni's HDB corridor, it is a real serious fire hazard zone. As there are about 10 of us, so you can imagine the no. of cups, water bottles, bowls, cutlery, 3-in-1s, digestives, newspaper, magazines, containers that we have over there. Space can get really cramped.

ugh ugh ugh....! Posted by Hello
Added to that, ever since CNY 2004 and 2005, we have been dumping unwanted CNY goodies onto the pantry table for desparadoes to tuck in during times of need. No kidding, we'll eat just about anything when

a) we are broke,
b) the canteen closed too early/on hoiliday and we are not.
c) the 1 yr-old cheese went bad in the fridge and we have to evacuate all the food from it and ourselves from the pantry
d) there's no more instant noodles to coax out of hiding underneath the bench anymore.

It worked great, having these CNY goodies, because when we're hungry, a look at the expired pineapple tarts melting on the plastic is enough to make you full. But still, it meant that the food kept increasing and the space kept decreasing.

So the pantry is in a glorious mess, with half opened packages of biscuits, unclaimed lunchboxes with mouldy food, flat kueh bangkit, finished cups noodles still filled with soup, dirty chopsticks and spoons lying beside unwashed cups. Yuk.

And I'm now sitting in the middle of it all, trying my best to ignore the leathery Love letters and avoid glancing at wads of tissues left on the table. While I'm typing away on the laptop, I'm also trying very hard to squint ferociously at any ants that dare to rummage through its circuitry...

Hmm...maybe later I'll clean the place up (which I usually do, with a few conscientious collegues of mine). But right now, I'm finger-dipping on my sweet precious laptop and am hynoptised by its ergonomically designed keyboard too much to stop. Also with a hot steaming cup of coffee beside me and ensconced in my imitation Polo Ralph sweater with a storm raging out there, I'm feelin' kinda warm and fuzzy and am enjoying myself.

The ant legions are coming....
later...later... :)

Thursday, May 12, 2005

My favourite things part I

Hi all! This post is about the stuffs that are close to me. Sometimes I think it's a bit sad that everyone have different taste in clothes, fashion, books etc. So in the end, when I say I'm a reader and that I love books, my friends say, 'Really? Good for you! I've not read a book, like, in years!'

The way they say it, sometimes makes me think they think I'm doing some hateful chore to better myself. But I actually read to relax and sleep, unless I read for an hour like ppl take sleeping pills, I toss and turn all night. But seriously, when have you touched a book since? Much less open it and reading it from front to back? Can't remember?

Anyways, the point is moot. Today, I want to talk about my favourite author's books; Terry Pratchett' Discworld series. It'll not be a boast to say I've read every single one of his 28 (till now and 1 illustrated hardcover) novels at least twice. Some I've reread up to five times. This usually happens when I've mowed through all the series again and decided to go back to some of my favourite ones before his newest book comes out. Thankfully, when i knew about him, he already had 10 Discworld books up, that was a golden era for me...Sigh...

The thing is, this guy is a true-blue comedian. Very funny and slap-stick and his books are filled with truer-than-life characters and his fantasy Discworld (which is flat and lies on the backs of 4 galactic Elephants that are in turn, standing on the huge shell of a Universally large turtle hutrlting through space) is a satirical rip-off of our own world. If you ever laugh at something in his books, you're probably laughing at yourself...

Oh yes, before you pple start dozing off, I would like to share some of his excerpts from one of his series, not as good as some of his other works, but good enough to make me a happy person for buying and possessing it.

Thief Of Time Illustrated by Josh Kirby Posted by Hello

'Where there is suitable country for grain, pple farm. they know the taste of good soil, they grow grain.
Where there is good steel country, furnaces turn the sky to sunset red all night. The hammers never stop. People make steel.

There is coal country, beef country and grass country. The world is full of countries where one thing shapes the land and the people. And up there in the high valleys around the hub of the world, where snow is never far away, this is the enlightenment country.
Here are people who know that there is no steel, but the idea of steel *but they still use forks, or the idea of forks*. They give names to new things and to things that don't exist. They seek the essence of being and the nature of the soul. They make wisdom.

There are the Listening Monks, seeking to discern within the hubbub of the world the faint echoes of the sounds that set the universe in motion.

There are the Brothers of Cool, a reserved and secretive sect which believes that only through ultimate coolness can the universe be comprehended, and that black works with everything, and that chrome will never truly go out of style.

......In the highest, greenest, airiest valley of all, where apricots are grown and the streams have floating ice in them even on the hottest day, is the monastery of Oi Dong and fighting monks of the Order of Wen the Eternally Surprised. Not much is known about the History Monks, as they are called, although some have remarked on the strange fact that it is always a wonderful spring day in the little valley and that the cherry trees are always in bloom.

....'Why is he eternally surprise?'

And they were told: 'Wen considered the nature of time and understood that the universe is, instant by instant, recreated anew. Therefore, there is in truth no past, only a memory of the past. Blink your eyes and the world you see next did not exist when you close them. Therefore, he said, the only appropriate state of the mind is surprise. The only appropriate state of the heart is joy. The sky you see now, you have never seen before. The perfect moment is now. Be glad of it.''

Ok, so you see the magic of Terry Pratchett? He is a very strange combination of poetic prose, funnyman and philosopher all rolled into one... Better still, his books have plot, are clever and very fast-paced. He is a Great Man, is TP! I hope he'll never retire and live to a very ripe old age...

That's all for today! Incidentally, his books are available in all National Libraries, not complete, but the newer ones are there. It's the best place to keep them, cos he really has too many books, I'll need a new shelf just to fit them in.

PS your favourite book?

Monday, May 09, 2005

Tomorrowed and Rambled....(!)

Er....I need to confess something.....

Something has happened but I don't understand its significance or its meanings. This entry is just for queries, because I would like to ask around the blogging community, but I don't exactly dare to post a comment asking a totally unrelated question...

I think also, that I'll probably be bashed head-first into the toilet bowl because it's those type of stoopid questions that everyone here would know about, eg. 'your money or your life?' and I an idiot (me) might have said,' money?'

What does it mean by 'tomorrowed'? It's a recommendation? I just realised that I got an excerpt for my R(A) entry over there (thank u, yan!). Er...I think it's good news, yes, happy happy. Think can celebrate hor? *tentative*

Also, I think I should doubly celebrate becos I've been 'rambled' by the Ramblinglibrarian? I think that's the term...and a second mention about wedding gifts.....

Oh well! How about that, ay? That's very flattering!

Thank you! I should preen a little! *preen preen*

And I discovered all these after a depressive blog on the same day.... The sun/moon blazes/shines bright bright again!

Nite out! I go off for happy-bunnies dream!


Sunday, May 08, 2005

Sometimes i wish I wasn't so...

Sometimes i wish I wasn't so.....

1. Affected by the comments and no. of comments on my blog and to the comments to my comments in others' blogs.

I made a blog so that i could comment on Bubblemunche, which was how bublemunche started, so he could comment in Xiaxue's blog. Even so, i was impressed by the constant attention ppl paid him, because he's really good at what he writes. but then, after i surfed around more, i begin to see that a lot of other ppl's blog were as good, even better than him. But because they don't care or are underexposed, they don't get the same amount of attention.

OTOH, some blogs like Xia xue, though interesting, are never much attractive to me. Sure, the pics were pretty and she's beautiful, but i wasn't glued that way i was glued to some others. Somehow i don't like to read about her real Life, about the bitchiness of it, about the honesty of it and the cynical way of it.
Aren't we all living that kind of Life already? The bad, cynical, back-stabbing, political world so full of prejudice among us. Who's gotten fatter? Slimmer? Bustier?Who got married? Attached? Broken up? Who got sick? Cancer? Sex? Pregnant? Yes, lay it all down, put it all in, Ppl will read you and absorb you, criticise you or exalt you. But don't you feel drained and sucked dry?
Put on those shades wherever you go.
Tired Eyebags, Celebrity status, 2 birds with a stone.

What's her catch? What's her deal? But I know her deal...pics sell, honesty sells, bitchiness sells, reality TV sells, Life itself sells.... if I wasn't so afraid, if I was as pretty, I'd do it unabashedly like her, but who're we kidding, eh? I know my motivation was wrong, i know that i write well for somebody new, but still, i look at my entry comments the way i pray for my test grades.

It's really so wrong, the reason behind the blogging, the need for attention in this huge WWW, but I can't help myself. So I told a few friends about it, i hope they'd write something, but being friends in real-life sometimes mean that they don't connect cybernetically. They'd rather call and tell you, or say it to your face, but they don't leave a note, which I want them to more than the first 2. So shallow ah? Sigh...

2. Sensitive during PMS...

i think there should be a law to keep women from mouthing off the week preceding menses. I think many things have been accredited to that sudden burst of temper over a normally minor accident. Note: who dared to leave pee on the toilet seat? Again?! *Huff Huff KA-BOOM!!!*

Hormones get charged up, ready to spew forth in ugly words and bitter feelings in an instant. I think I'm pre-conditioned like that, I try to keep words to a minimal during this time, but i'm feel like I'm like dry tinder, i flare almost instantly and regret immdeiately. then i suffer from feeling guilty and resentful with my wicked pouting self because the rest of the 3 weeks i've been such a good, fairly reasonable and sensible adult.

Buddha forgive me....except Buddha had probably tweaked his eyebrow at me and say, 'Woman, there's nothing to forgive, you know the rules, you've got to reap what you sow, baby...'

So....I keep quiet and write it all down now in a Blog instead....

Same content but different output,

Pain also, slap with your hand or jab with your foot.

3. blue today on a extremely fine rainy sunday morning.

I think it's the height of stupidity to point a middle finger at the sky and curse at impersonal thunder clouds and dripping water. Like Mojo-Jojo who screams, 'CURSES!' everytime the powerpuff girls beat him to a pulp.

Blossoms, Bubbles and Buttercup are just doing their job (-Dedicate their life to Fighting crime and the Forces of Evil!- da da da da da da daAAA!!!). Mr cloud is making sure we have drinkable water tucked up in McRitchie and to aid Mr Sargeant in his Chiong Suah Jungle training in Bukit Timah Reserve.

But like Mojo, I've got plans too! Not to take over the world (tho that comes a close third, right after get more visitors to blog). I wanted to go swimming, I've waited to go swimming all week, swimming's what i do on Sunday afternoons! I've been huddling at home, trying to churn words for a dissertation when the sun was out blasting Singaporeans to golden-brown the whole of the work-week, and yet, the day of rest, on Sabbath Day, I get pimply sky and lightning....

So I did my favourite impressionism - height of Stupidity - at the nothing in the sky.

Of cos the rain didn't let up. It became sleet...

Curse the rock for tripping you over

But right in front, how come no manhole cover?

4. Disgusted with the state of this blog entry.

OK, I admit! it's my first depessing entry. I, who pride myself on churning out happy-bunnies-go-play-under-rainbow entries no matter the aggravation (read: colleague), am in this instant, succumbing to happy-bunnies-ravaged-by-wolves-I'm-so-sorry-eulogy. I, whose a eternally optimistic, right-hand-held-by-Entity-of-Chinese-Origin (Blessed), happy-go-lucky, Yippee and Wahoo person, just spend a wasteful hour on a rainy Sunday writing something I'm not proud of....and getting it published. May the blowing winds cool my fevered brow and the pelting rain smack angry face. After I log off, I shall calm down and go back to work.

You'd think, that, a Bunny is a Cute Bunny ia s Happy Bunny

But they've got their Breaks, you know they eat their own Sonnys?

Perhaps rain today is not too bad.

Perhaps tomorrow will be sunny, I'll take my chances.

Perhaps there really is something about xiaxue afterall.

I'm going off to watch Cartoon Network...

Off till PMS roll over!

AKK out

Thursday, May 05, 2005

This is an R(A) entry, you have been warned!

Hello all!

it's only been a week, but I really had to get something off my chest before I absolutely Expire from the revelation!!! Just 5 min ago, I've been reading up Yan's Blog on 'Being Hot makes you Horny'. Before you guys go tearing up there to read his blog, it's not 'adult' content, Yan being a decent man........

On the other hand, I never said I was a Decent Woman. Yan was recounting about this lady who was reading this underwear catalog in a public bus. Except that it was a MEN's underwear catalog. My interest was so piqued that, thanks to Lancerlord's link, I was actually directed to the website!

Ok, now pls be very prepared now for some ahem...racy pictures! I've looked, squinted and stared through the catalog and have some points of discussion to make about some of these por...male models.

Let's start with something more mild:

This is the PBB, so called the Padded Butt Brief, as written in the website, it is Silhouette enhancing. The Slightly padded backside gives you a rounder, fuller appearance.

ahaaha.....Oh gosh, when I first saw this, I cracked up like a peanut under pressure. What you mean by rounder and fuller? I didn't know that men treat their buns as Southern Breasts! i didn't know that they wanted Big Round ones like we girls do! I was so blind and stupid! I haven't got a clue! Now like some chigopek men who stare at women, I shall be going round staring at men's butts, trying to see if it's real or maximised....

Wait ah, got more! You know that some women's lingerie come in bright colours? Comon, Triumph had their gold and bright red dragon version during CNY, remember? Ok, guess what? So does Undergear!






I've heard of clothes that grab your attention. Hell, I mean, there are like bras that come with sheer lace, or else have cups that nevertheless, without rhyme or reason, nothing covering the most coverted 'spots' that men would like to see. But this guy is not just begging you to see him in briefs, he's asking that your eyes just Fixate on his Royal Jewels shrouded in Pink.
A note to Men, I'm very sorry, but being a gal, I really need to give some advice...unless you
a) want your one-night-stand to die laughing
b) want the species of Man to die in shame
c) want your sex partner to think you are having your period
d)want to break up with your girlfriend under the excuse that you are gay, which you should seriously consider if you think it looks good...

then don't! I swear! Pls! for the sake of mankind! A girl can't possibly sleep with you properly if she got stitch....she'll probably be so traumatised by the sight that it'll always superimpose itself on her other 'friends'. She'll start laughing under reflex everytime a man drops his pants. You will be the criminal that made her swear off men forever.

Really lah! This man looked like he just soiled himself...and he seems really sick....

I don't think that anyone can blame me for saving the last 2 pictures as a finale. When I was younger (ages ago), we girls had to learn Home Economics while the boys do Technical. One topic under HE was to learn about stripes on clothings. we girls learnt that vertical lines can make a short, plump girl look taller and thinner while horitzontal lines can a lanky, skinny gal more plump....yup, my smart readers, i think you guessed what's gonna come up!



Ahahahhaahaahahhha........... What happens if a guy is a 'minus' on both length and breath? What to do?!!! Polka dots?!! Ahahaahhhhahahaha!!!!!!!!

Woohoo! Oh dear *wipe tears*. You know what? i feel bad about this. I know that most guys are looking at these thing-jimmies for the first time, much like me. you are probably, like, blushing and eyes slanting this way and that....haiya...i can't help the birth of this entry. Seriously, it's such a revelation, thanks for the inspiration, Yan. you really made my day, i haven't laugh this much since I saw Zoolander ....maybe i should buy these as wedding gifts for some of my Guy friends....

Gotta sleep or die trying, shoulders shaking or not,