Tuesday, December 18, 2007

I can't talk right now...

Hi all,

I never intended for this to be a sad blog.

When I was still crushing on my ex, I had 3 volumes of diary filled to the brim with the angst and unspent passions of a pubescent girl in the throes of her first serious crush. When I finally got him after waiting in the wings about 2 years, before finally saying goodbye in the 11th month, I continued the diaries, adding 2 more volumes. Pages and pages of roller-coaster emotions, enough happiness to sing and run around in stormy weather, jumping and laughing and gasping for joyful breath, licking raindrops, then another page dissecting my relationship down to its most miniscule excuses, looking for the reasons why he didn’t want to spent more time with me, what did I do wrong, why am I all empty inside, so on and forth. Pages and pages of guilt, remorse and regret, then anger and denial, then tears and loss.

Then I stopped writing. Because every word hurts. Even the happy ones, the innocent entries starting off with hope of seeing him and going out for a movie, knowing in the next entry, somebody changed his mind about meeting again.

During those days, I wrote because I was too emotional. This unburdening of words will come spewing out like a can of shaken cola, so I wrote to dispel them all in neat little letters or angry scribbles that gashes the pages. I wrote them all down so like snarling animal, I could then lock it all up and put it away, the eminent danger of that choking emotion having no chance to surface in the form of self-mutilation or whatever it was girls do to draw attention away from emotional pain.

Since then, I had found calm and peace. Then later, I found forgiveness and forgetfulness. If not for the diaries, I would be at a loss to remember exactly what happened during those years of my life. Once the worst of the hormones have passed, Life became more tranquil.

I’ve grown up. Happiness is something I’ve always appreciated, whereas happiness was more like a ticket to the moon previously, happiness now is like a cup of hot coffee in your hands whilst standing in cold weather. So equally does the sadness melt from an angry funeral pyre to smothering ashes.

I digress again, as usual.

What I meant to say is:

I’m glad I’m grown up.
I’m glad I don’t feel bone-crushing emotions anymore.
I’m glad I’m now in control.

What I really meant to say is:

There is a crack in AKK’s Life. Always has been, just never written down, not even said.

Like my diaries, perhaps the next entry will be a happier one.

I never intended for this to be a sad blog.


Love, AKK

Sunday, October 07, 2007

The Phone Call

Hi all!

Truth to tell, life has been a little more than hectic. I’m very sure that work is now under control, but in the meantime I’m studying after office hours. Actually, I’m sure that’s under control too. So I guess it must be the 7 games of scrabbles I’ve been playing on Facebook, which is not allowing me to blog as much. I’m still heady from earning 77pts for the word ‘moorier’ which I didn’t even knew existed

But hey, not to worry! While I was away on hiatus, I’ve been collecting pieces of short stories to revile you with.

Story 1: The phone call.

A typical day in the office, camera sweeps the room on a Monday morning, which is starting to bustle for the day’s activity and lands on an empty cubicle filled with unwashed cups and coffee dregs. The telephone rings, but no one is there to pick up AKK’s call. The other colleagues have their own lines. After a while, the telephone goes silent and in a sudden burst of flurry, AKK rushes into the office cubicle to dump her bag and hastily picked up her office phone, after dropping it once.

‘Hello hello?’ the other end is silent. And then there was a buzz emanating from the bag AKK has just dumped onto the floor.

‘Jidan!’ and the next flurry of movement saw her smashing the office phone back and rammaging through…

‘Hi!’ the handphone was unclamped and jammed to her head.

A familiar voice came through tentatively

‘May I speak with AKK? Ed here.’

AKK heaved a huge sigh of relief. It wasn’t a customer, Fren Ed had been chatting with her on msn yesterday.

‘Ohhhh hi…it’s you! Been looking for you!’

‘You have?’ an curious uplift in the voice. ‘good, been looking for you too, you have time to spare?’

‘Sure sure! I’m going to the toilet, so no prob.’

‘Er….i dun need to know that.’

‘That’s what I usually say if I need a break lah, no worries.’


‘All the time, man. So what’s up?’

‘I need a favour.’

‘Sure. What do you need?’

A sense of foreboding crept through while AKK’s mouth rambles on, she is vaguely aware that her peanut cranium, usually sluggish pre-kopi, is starting to warm up and run. Something’s happening here, but she isn’t registering yet.

‘I need you to write a memo.’

‘Memo? What memo?’ the brain decides to revved up suddenly. And a flood of ESP subconscion decides to finger itself out through her head.

The voice paused, as if realizing something is wrong also, then responded slowly, as if testing out an idea.

‘Erm, I need you to write a memo…for your project….’

An extra large finger flicked AKK’s grey matter with a huge TONK!

A nail falls and a bulb lit up. The sense of foreboding casts its net and envelopes AKK like spidey’s web with unadultered anxiety.

‘Memo....’ I quavered. ‘A memo, for my project? As in, work project?’

There was a smile underneath that tone. It had figured out and was enjoying the moment.

‘Of cos. Was there another project? I don’t remember giving you more than one.’

And then,

'Big Boss? Is that you?'

A sigh. "Yes, AKK, it's your BIG boss calling you.'

‘DIRECTOR! Oh, I’m so sorry! I thought you were my fren! I’ve got a lot of Ed names called frens, ‘ I cringed. ‘I mean, fren names called Ed……oh I’m so sorry!!!!! Oh my God, no wonder you were directed from the office phone ’ I wailed, the past 3 minutes running through and snippets of conversation screaming behind AKK's sockets. ‘I knew there was something wrong about this call!’

A chuckle. ‘That’s ok. So can you finish the memo by 5 pm today?’

Another wave of embarrassment threaten to sink her.

‘Sorry sorry. Oh my God…I really didn’t think….I mean …..You sound just like my fren……. ‘ AKK sputters, then paused and finally got a grip on herself.

She cleared her throat.

‘Yessir. You’ll have it on your table by 4pm today.’ The tone was cool, calm and collected, exactly opposite to her gushing, bleeding, humiliated heart.

‘Wow, what a big change! OK, thanks. I hope you enjoyed this toilet break! Bye!’ And the line went as dead as AKK’s professional reputation.

The camera finishes its round of the office atmosphere, then refocuses on one worker as she unglued her handphone from her ears. If this were a silent show, she would have won grammys for her facial depiction under the category of ‘hearing bad news’. Life can be cruelly funny sometimes.

Light dims out.


Next up is Keisha’s (PPQ series) crush!

Saturday, August 11, 2007

It's all about the letter 'B', voice blog vol. 8

Hi all!!

Long time no write! sorry siah, as you know lah....been busy with loads of things lah, mostly work and Life, so ah...either didn't have the time to write or else busy until never communicate with my frens and office ppl long enough to have something interesting other than work work and wmore work.

But hey! Today's different! I've done a VOICE BLOG cos its so much easier to say what i wanted to write. In order not to give anything away, i'd rather not mention anything about it here, so just pls go to this VOICE BLOG and enjoy yourself.

Caution: It's a bit long, but be patient cos it's always funnier towards the end. :)

That's all, guys!



Sunday, July 08, 2007

The Sad Ping Pong Queen Vol. 12

EDIT: The link was faulty, thanks to Desparate Addict for pointing it out. Solved liao, the link is actually about this male colleague that I was slightly crushing becuase of his lovely voice (point 4)

Hi all!

I sure bet you guys are surprised that there is another PPQ entry after the whole fiasco. Well, me too! But this time, it ain’t connected to LK liao and is just an episode by itself (I hope), otherwise the whole world should just end right about now.

The night was young when we gathered at the Balcony. The whole office was out to celebrate their performance bonus and also as a belated birthday treat to that cute Scottish guy (close to 50) whom I’d earlier talked about.

The Balcony had a great décor, which is the only thing I like about the place. The drinks were over-priced and horrors of horros, they did not have Frangelico, something I had come to accept as the rule of thumb that all ‘gold standard’ pubs should have, even if the bartender didn’t know he had it, which was what happened in IndoChine, heng for my fren’s sharp eye in locating the bottle hidden behind the Kahlua.

And best, the waitress was a young, pretty and slim affair in tight jeans and a shirt with a bad attitude and bored expression. I hate seeing these waitresses, you know? They have this ‘it’s-because-there’s-no-ang-mohs-around-so-I’m-taking-your-orders’ kinda look. She’s even less friendly than the door bitch, who actually smiled and welcomed a 20-strong bunch. OK, I know the Singaporeans don’t tip, but with the waitress (I’m-cerified-SPG) demeanor, we wun be tipping even if it’s customary. Hell, I’d charge them 5% for bad service. I mean, look at us!! We are peace-loving, law-abiding, even boring scientific personnel who won’t ever give you lip. We may all look fricking poor and unable to pay for that 1-for-1 1/2pint of Heineken, but that’s only because we just came from a biohazard warzone and don’t want to ruin our French cuffs and tarnish our Silver.

As if on cue, I was slated as the spokesperson for the group, since I have a carrying voice and can call up an octave higher than the boombox to get myself heard in any circumstance. So imagine my absolute chagrin having to deal with a sour face and rallying the large group to decide on their drinks quickly.

In the midst where everyone give their orders while the waitress’ face grew more sour at the load she had to carry, I took a quick look to survey my office group. Somehow the males and females found themselves all sitting in perfect symmetry around the round table like a split piechart depicting gender, with me right in the middle of the gals.

Then I heard this high-pitched giggle that was even more grating than my best Mariah Carey impersonation. I turned away from the bored face taking down the orders to note that discord.

It may be by chance, but PPQ is right where the split had ocurred and was seated beside that Scottish ang moh, giggling hysterically at something he said.

My mood soured like the waitress’ expression.

I snapped, ‘Has everyone ordered?’

A chorus of ‘Yes, Ma’am’, ‘Of cos, bring on the booze!’, ‘Yuppers!’ and ‘Aye’ went through the crowd.

All except the one I had my eyes trained on.

She was still giggling about God-Knows-What and was totally oblivious to my question, batting her expressive eyes at Mr Scottish Brogue.

Geez….someone save me from having to deal with her.

I snapped more loudly, ‘PPQ! Have you ordered?’

Already 1 cocktail above par before we even started drinking, her eyes were doing their usual yuan-liu-liu dew-drop-look I’d come to abhor on the unsuspecting Ang-moh, until Keisha elbowed her, rather sharply, I might add, and shoved the menu into her hands.

I was contemplating slapping my palm to my face while PPQ picked up the drinks menu as if she’d never seen before and opened it, all the while exclaiming in her ingratiatingly sweet-16 high pitched falsetto, ‘Oh …My …God! Have you all ordered?! Oh! I’m so sorry! Oh I didn’t Know! Sorry, AKK! Oh No! Whatever shall I drink?! So many Choices?! OH! OH!….’

I gritted my teeth when she went on auto-pilot, her Damsel-in-distress, perplexed voice and actions, eyes shining from some inner pain at the choice of so many drinks, and the bafflement of having to make a decision…’ Oh! Oh! I can’t decide!’

This went on for like 10 seconds…Oh! Which drink shall I choose?! Oh! OH!!....which in the beat of a pub or club, considered to be a million years too long a drag of the waitress’ time and my own patience.

‘Kuai dian lah!’ I snapped again. It was that or reach over and throttle her fat neck.

And to think that earlier when in the MRT, I actually deigned to make small talk with her because of the rule of proximity. I mean, you can hardly ignore her when the MRT after-office hour crush made sure the 2 of you were nose to nose at the same metal bar.

Quick! Something nice to say, my Social Ettiquette decided to take order from my Tih Kong side. A digression here: other people have the angel and the devil on their shoulders to guide their choices, I’ve got my Tih-kong and the Yan Luo Wang.

‘Er…that’s a nice dress you’ve got on.’ I spoke to her, slowly, as if listening to an inner voice. ‘It made you.... look slim.’ My Social Ettiquette sang my praises and gave me A++ to report to Tih-Kong.

‘Oh, thank you! What a nice thing to say! But it is true that I have slimmed down a bit! In fact, I..’ and she went on. After a while, I re-affirmed why I decided not to be her friend. I can’t deal with a self-centered person or rely on one. It is that simple.

Then of cos the inevitable happened, while Keisha begins to join the waitress in rolling her eyes, and PPQ worked herself into a hysterics over 3 running pages of strange drinks, Mr Scottish Brogue cuts in gently and asked in his lilting brogue.

‘How about Heineken? It’s a good beer. They are having a 1-for-1.’

The Crouching Tiger in me growled. It’s not that I’m jealous, seriously, it’s the inability of men to not fall for these types of displays, be they young or old.

I guess we should all have foreseen it, especially for someone as starved of attention as PPQ, but you see, in the company we are all Ikan Billis under division bosses and Mr Scottish Brogue is Keisha and Jane’s BOSS. So at the very least, I take it that a big huge fricking Golden Rule would be that there’s always a limit to who you should or shouldn’t target on professionally.

The next few hours after that made me cringe and shudder, and it all started because of 1 single detail. PPQ, upon hearing his suggestion, turned 180 degree to bestow him her dazzling liquid eyes of gratitiude for relieving her the duty of thinking, then coiled her arms around his left arms and squeezed it against her tits, the menu falling open on the table-top.

OK, so I was being crude. In other more civilized words, she hugged his arm. All the while exclaiming to a crowd who, for some reason or other, looking all over the place except at her, ‘that is a Great Suggestion. Oh! Oh! I’ll share it with you, I can’t drink so much! Oh! Thank you!’

Mission accomplished, the waitress rolled a final eye and went off, knees creaking. The whole ordeal couldn’t have lasted more than 2-3 minutes, but it felt like I had been subjected to a movie marathon starring PPQ.

As time wore on, the drinks arrived and left, and arrived and left…everyone was in a state of fun, because we had brought cards and were playing happily away. If you don’t look too closely through the inebriated haze of my present company, you won’t actually notice that PPQ had suddenly decided to make Mr Scottish Brogue the center of her Universe, eyes tuned onto him, both looking at each others’ poker cards, deciding to pick or stay. If you immerse yourself in front of the booming speakers, you can safely pretend that the occasional hyena laugh did not, in fact, issue constantly from the right side of the circle.

And while Mr Scottish Brogue is slightly bewildered at the high receptivity of his wit, he was nevertheless undergoing something I’d seen in all the other guys who ever had the pleasure to be bestowed by PPQ’s charms. Now would be the time to tell you that Mr Scottish Brogue is currently single and straight at the age of 50.

After a particularly bad bout of giggling, Jane , keisha and I called a time-out and excused ourselves to go to the ladies.

The first few minutes were carried out in silence while we attended to our ablution, then,

‘Did you see that?! I thought I’d go blind!’

‘Wah lau! I can’t believe she’s trying to hook our boss! Yeuks!’

‘He’s falling for it, argghhh! I thought he had more brains!’

‘Our boss! Our boss!’

‘They’re 20 yrs apart!!!’

‘Stupid woman!’

‘Stupid Man!’

‘Actually , he might not be stupid what, he’s ang-moh leh, they very liberal one.’

‘Helloooo!!! 25 yrs apart? Like twenty-five?? TWENTY-FIVE? She could be his daughter leh.’

‘Haiyah, she may be only 10 yrs old mentally but she technically legal liao, you can’t stop her from hugging his arms and whispering in his ear?’

We all paused for a moment.

‘Choujidan lah, Jane, can you please or not? I escaped here to run away from seeing PPQ repeatedly squeezing closer and closer to him leh, now you make me remember the scene again.’

‘Sorry lah, it’s not easy to forget anyway what. You come here also no use.’

‘Argh,’ Keisha was saying carefully, ‘Are you telling me that basically, it is possible that our boss, might just actually think that PPQ is eligible to take back home?’

‘Of cos, why not?’

‘Yah, of cos, all women have holes, even PPQ.’

There was another pause.

Keisha and Jane companionably put their arms around my shoulder while I clapped a hand to my mouth.

‘Pwah, can see somebody like cannot take it hor.’

‘Your hot hot hubby waiting for you at home not enough ah? Remember leh, You said 25 yrs old difference leh.’

‘Haiyah, it’s not about Mr Scottish Brogue lah, it’s about her lah. Firstly, which guy wouldn’t like a free meal of sweet young corn, right? Secondly hor, and I know you 2 lor, you’ll probably want to make sure nobody gets hurt tonight and already I’m feeling the horrible lousy responsibility liao. I mean, why do I bother right? Why do WE bother? If she wants to lose it tonight, I say let her lah. And if your boss wants her tonight, then OK lor, then I’ll know who he is behind that nice voice liao. Like that, my crush also died early death.’

‘Anyway,’ I mumbled again. ‘Anyone who can’t see her for who she is hor, isn’t worth my time.’

‘Haiyah,’ Keisha’s turn. ‘It’s very easy why we should help whenever we can. Because this here is my boss, I don’t want to lose respect for him if he decides that PPQ is easy prey tonight. I’d rather he don’t do this type of thing in the presence of the whole office. If he likes, he should get-together with her again without our knowledge.’

‘Yup,’ replied Jane. ‘We are essentially helping our boss preserve his own image, even if PPQ doesn’t want hers.’

‘Oh.’ I thought about it. ‘OK then, as long as it’s we’re not helping PPQ for PPQ’s sake.’

With that, we left the restroom.
PPQ was steadily going drunk, even with just a pint of Heineken. So for the rest of the night, Keisha piled PPQ with water while I accompanied her to the restroom, holding her arm. She was only half a pint from being wasted, judging by how she’s walking. Once again, I have this funny feeling that her life till now must have been truly blessed. She seems like an utter walking prey, she’s easy on the eye, can’t take booze but like to go pubs, have absolutely no sense of preservation towards men, can’t think, no brains and yet! She is currently having the time of her life while being take care of by worried people like us, who are having less and less fun with every second.

When time came for us to go home, I was thoroughly awake, sober and feeling instinctively that if the whole world were to be a large party right now, I’d be tidying up in the kitchen while PPQ does the congo line in the throng, splashing champagne all over herself. Such is the luck of the knowing.

On the way home, we send a happily muttering PPQ with some frens staying in the same area off in a cab. Mr Scottish Brogue and I are sharing the same cab due to our proximity. On the trip back, we had a little chat.

‘You know, lass, PPQ is such a great person. I never knew she was so much fun.’

‘Really? Oh, but we are all fun people, actually.’ Just that we don’t normally rub against other people so much, I muttered.

‘She blew me a kiss!’ Mr Scottish brogue’s voice was full of wonderment. ‘Do you think she likes me?’

My goodness, how the mighty have fallen. The final smattering of crushy feeling for his lovely voice curdled like cheese in me. All I could think about was: You’re 50! She’s 26! She can be your daughter!!! Why are you even considering the option?!’

‘PPQ is a very friendly person.’ My voice gave nothing away.

‘Of cos, she is….very!’ his tone took on a reflective tinge. I bet he must be thinking of his left arm right now.

I wished the driver to drive faster so I could leave the car before he goes under. We have heard from others that while he holds his drinks very well, he tends to open up very fast under alcohol and laments consistently about his singlehood.

And then, without preamble, ‘I’ve been lonely for 10 years.’ His hush puppy eyes grew sad.

I was prepared for this though, ‘No worries lah, I’m sure there’s someone out there for you. With a voice like that, gals find it hard to resist!’

He chuckled and said, ‘you’re a bomb, AKK, making an old man like me happy.’

Another ruminative 5 minutes passed in the cab while I feverishly wished the wheels to grow wings.

And then, ‘Are you a friend, AKK?’

‘Hmm…I don’t see why not I’m not a friend to you actually.’

‘Because sometimes I think I always mistake people’s friendship for interest, you know? I get foolish as I get older. I mix things up and hope too much.’

‘Well, most times, relationships do come from being friends first.’

I noted a distinct change in the air as I said that. Mr Scottish Brogue regarded me seriously in the darkness of the cab as we sped through the city lamps, flicking light through the windows.

Then he said, in that Scottish brogue that I used to like a lot for, but which has since today ceased to amuse, ‘AKK, do you think a relationship can come from this friendship?’

I looked him directly in the eye. By now, I was sure the cab driver is cocking a ear to our conversation, which was the reason he was weaving slightly and picking up speed to get me home first.

‘You know what?’ I said very gently, to this lonely man, with his twinkling eyes and melodic voice, now turned serious in his plea for companionship. ‘I think that a friendship……..is much much more important than a relationship. Jane and Keisha and me are here for you because you are our friend.’ I emphasized the point.

The taxi cruised to a stop. I’d arrived home. I said goodbye and got off the cab, leaving a decidedly more dejected Scotsman than before and returned home to my husband, whereupon I told him every single thing, even re-enacting PPQ’s voice and hyena act and finally the conversation on the trip back.

A took it all into his stride, laughed when the entertainment was on and patted me on the head for my reply, then we tucked in and bed down for the night.

A is my best friend. There is no other friendship I’d like to turn into a relationship anymore.


AKK :)

Thursday, June 28, 2007


Dear all,

Look, I know I've neglecting my blog....


I'm tired....so tired.... Been working so hard... We had a change of bosses here....so everyone's jobscope has been re-arranged, streamlined and categorised....

It's not that I don't like my job. It's just that I love playing more. It's not that i dun love the projects I'm spearheading, it's having to deal with group members that I abhor...

I mean...sometimes, you just wished you have 10 pairs of hands, 3 brains and 4 PCs to type away, without having to handle and manage team members....

Oh well, what to do? I took their pay increment and performance bonus and renewed my contract....

Looks like I'll be around there for a while....

see ya all and miss ya....*sniff*


Thursday, May 24, 2007

Waxing Lyrical Over Small things Vol 1

Hi all!

Recently I’ve been in a poetic mood. Not the Robert Burn ‘my love is like a red red rose’ kind, but rather the retro Haiku mood, which is ancient, but like platform wedges, are flying the high wave in comtemporary literature. Since my relationship with alcohol is starting to turn into a soppy love, and however much I always thought poems are too drippy, I have succumbed enough to wax lyrical over it. And since we are at it, why not just continue?

A haiku is a basic 5 syllabus-7 syllabus-5 syllabus poem, which can be adapted to different syllabus length for English, as long as the alternate lines have the same number of syllabus. Hence, 3-5-3, 7-5-7, etc etc are all viable. Usually Haikus are used for everyday occurrences with the last sentence slightly incongruent to the subject and yet able to sum up the earlier 2 sentences appropriately. But that said, it doesn't mean I can do it, and most common haikus don't, but they still read fine.

It’s terrible if you are forced to do it during lit class, but amazingly easy when there’s no pressure. I welcome anyone to pen a short haiku in this entry. I also think Haikus are here to stay, so expect more in the future.

For now, there’s my ode (5-7-5) to the amazing Chocolate Cake shooter, a recipe brought back by JayWalk from the Land of Dragons. No, it did not come from the Land of Dragons, it came from this ang-moh guy in the land of dra.....ok, i was a bit hazy on the details after my 3rd....

Pass the lips and down

Sugar-coated lemon wedge

One shot to Heaven

And here’s another one (7-5-7) when I encountered a super-shitty workday. R(A), you have been warned:

Had a God-awful Monday

4 more days to go

Kan Nee Na Beh Chao Ch** B**

For today’s entry, what less but to expound about myself?

Ode to Ang Ku Kueh:

Peanut Paste Pastry

Eaten past its Sell-by Date

Emergency Room

Anyone for haiku? How about one about your blog nick? Be sure to tell me!


AKK :)

Saturday, May 19, 2007

Tears over Scrambled Eggs....

Dear all,

i know lot of people here would like to know lots more details about PPQ and are wondering if the series are going to go on. I promise you, if there’s anything, I’ll be the first to update. Just so that you know, everything’s in real-time, yes? So that means that when nothing happens, nothing gets blogged. And sad to say, for the readers, PPQ has decided that I’m not fit for personal conversations anymore. On my part, my Bacardi days have become less and less, which is good for the pocket and the liver. I’m not sad she doesn’t confide in me. If I was, it’ll only be because I couldn’t write more about her in my blog. What kind of person would I be, yea?

Yesterday, I went out on date with a bunch of people I had not seen in a while. I was enjoying myself immensely and increasingly with every alcohol, so when my handphone beeped today morning, I was under the covers still and trying to swat it.

It was a female friend and since her voice sounded a bit quavery, I gave a groan and forced myself to wake up. When I called her back 10 minutes later, she sounded normal again.

Why, gal? What’s wrong? I asked her.

It’s nothing, she replied, I think I just called on the whim. We’ve not met a while, how are you?

So far so good, but come on, I know something’s up. Care to spill?

There was a sigh from the other end.

Ok, but when I’m finished, don’t hold it against anyone.

Woah, sounds bad. Ok I promise.

You know yesterday you were calling me to ask me where I was? Actually I was right in the heart of Clarke Quay, in XYZ pub.

Really? Then why didn’t you tell me? I was at ABC, I could have met you up!

Aiyah, I was with frens mah. Listen to me first, can?

Okok, sorli sorli, do go on.

You know how it is rite? My hubby nowadays very busy, doesn’t have much time for me. So I’ve been going out a bit more often and meeting up with frens. Then yesterday nite, I was feeling quite buzzed. My frens called other frens who called others so it turned out to be a really big crowd all sitting together.

Yah, and then?

So of cos, everyone got passed around from known to unknown, trying to make frens etc etc.

I replied, thinking about my own gathering yesterday. Did something happen?

Nah….only that I got a few people trying to hook me. I was wearing a short skirt.

Hehehhe….that’s hardly surprising.
I imagine her long legs, usually encased in loose jeans, clad in a short skirt. Any number of guys would go panting after her. But like me, she married pretty early.

So what? That's all you want to say? You called me early just to tell me you scored a few guys' business cards?

No, Akk, will you just listen?

OK OK….sorli sorli….go on pls.

Akk, I haven't felt this good in a long while. Haven't been out like this, doing the 'pub rounds' since I left PR. It's like all these are new to me and I'm this green gal happily sucking up the attention…..I felt so flattered…


And….and this morning, I woke up bright and cheerful and happy. So this was how I felt when I made breakfast for hubby.


So when he was watching the news and reading his papers in the living room, I just asked him from the kitchen, would you like toast or cereal, he said toast. I asked would he like eggs, he said yes and then I asked him if he's them scrambled and soft-boiled, he said.....

What did he say?

The hitch in her voice came back again.

He said, any damn eggs will do, why you want to shoot me so many questions in the morning? Why can't you shut up?


her voice sounded dangerously hoarse now. My heart just suddenly lurched and it hurt. Just standing in the kitchen, with a saucepan in one hand, eggs in the other, I just started tearing up. All I could think about was that I'm the greatest wife in the world, that I don't care that guys still try to screw me just because I’m a pair of legs but I don't let them, that I think about him all the time and whether his job is working him too hard and that I made myself wake earlier every single day, hangover or not, and worry about his breakfast and whether he prefers his eggs scrambled, hard-boiled or soft!

My friend fell silent after this outburst. I could tell she's crying.

Where is he now? I asked.

Eating breakfast.

And you?

I'm now in the bathroom.
She sniffed. I don't care how many business cards I get from cute strangers, I just want him to see me again. He didn’t even blink at my skirt.

I sighed and rubbed my temples. Don't think too much, dearie. Everything's ok, I shushed her with nonsensical words while she snuffled quietly on top of the toilet seat, her husband sittng just a room away, eating his blessed scrambled eggs and toast obliviously.

Why don't you talk to him?

Nah...I can't keep him from his work. He's in a difficult phase now.

We chatted a while till she calmed down long enough to put down the phone and go back to sleep for her hangover.

Hang in there, ok? My parting words for her before she hung up.

Yes, Ma'am. Now I'll go hide my puffy eyes from him, just in case he noticed.

It may not such a bad idea, him noticing.

No, I want him to see me the way those pub guys saw me yesterday.

OK, no yellow-faced fishwife, I agree.

The chirp is back in her voice. Ok, gotta go, thanks for listening.

Anytime for you, dearie. Anytime.

I put down the phone. This friend is fairly special because we are very similar, our circumstances, our age and our personality. Especially our determination to find happiness in everything or anything. Lemonade from lemons and all that crap.

But sometimes, I wonder if it's a good thing. Just yesterday, steps from where my poor fren was, I was also enjoying myself with my own bunch.

‘Wah lau! Take pic with me leh, I want those 2 things inside!’ Those 2 things referring to the 2 mammaries that were, for once, in their life, released from the confines of a wire prison in public. My newly minted Victoria’s secret low-cut top came with insets to take away the necessity of wearing a bra. I can see that my accompanying friend (female) loved them a lot and tried to zoom in to the valley after the pic was taken.

A, on the other hand, didn’t say anything apart from ‘It’s quite nice, dear.’ and ‘Goes with the shoes’, then finally, ‘Time to go or we’ll be late for work.’


But at least he doesn’t scream at me over eggs.





Sunday, May 06, 2007

Letter to a Friend

First it started out as a comment on meepok's entry, then it got too long, so I transferred it here. Then the more I wrote, realised it could be meant for all, although of cos it is address to him.

Well, to all you friends and family, yes I know you all are silent readers but I'm not penalising you for not commenting, at least not today, because yesterday was a beautiful but scary day, remember to ask me if I meet up with you.

Guess I don't say it enough and seldom do, but to you, young and old, new and old, siblings, you know who you are, you have been at different times in my life, my support and strength, my joy and laughter, my sarcasm and wit. I remember still, the things you have done for me and will continue to do in future, don't worry. Thank you and love you. My Work is not my Life. You are.


Hey Friend,

I really look forward to your entries because it’s so different from my own life. On the other hand, heng I never thought your pasture was greener, just more exciting and can take more pics since you travel so much. I stopped after taking 10 pics of my own machine. There are only so many angles you can take of it. My cubicle has loads of odds and ends of other friends souvenirs when they travel for work, on the contrary, my other friend’s cubicles are missing mine, but grudging put up pics of me posing with my machine. Heh.

My new fridge is still waiting to be filled up with fridge magnets that I vow to buy from any country that I go to. Currently, the uncovered bits stand about 99%, and my large clay mould magnet depicting the Istana takes pride of place over the remaining.

Hope that while u are working your butt off right now, you can then retire early with big big nest and play like siao to make up for it, or at the very least, ZZzzz like siao. Of cos, to spend lots of time with family, that’s a given. But currently, every now and then must slow down a bit and see the sunshine, yes? I know my life is about 100x slower and also about 1500x less important in the workforce of society, but hell, rather take it from a downtown HDB gal still worrying about money, family, work to hearing the same thing from an already ultra successful, can-take-vacation-anytime, can-spend-like-water-anytime, got-golden-family person, yes? Sounds so much more genuine.

Yesterday morning, while I was swimming, there was a circular rainbow surrounding the sun, it was beautiful and completely round. I noticed it only because I had my UV goggles on and while taking a breath during free-style, thwacked my neck. I’ve ever seen it once before and I still remember the year, the time and the place, it was an inspiring phenomenon. I rather hope all my friends saw it, but it was 8.30am in the morning and I bet they are all either sleeping off the booze or sleeping off the fatigue.

I hope u saw it too, but if you didn’t, then at least you know that it has occurred. And while life, work, money, dreams go on and people on the streets throng the traffic and buzz around like busy bees, the sky above creates a circle rainbow in silence.

Look up! :)



Thursday, May 03, 2007

The Sad Ping Pong Queen Vol 11.

Hi all!

Let’s get with the program! A little break from PPQ was just what the doctor ordered, since after the weight incidence, there seem like a complete increase in the number of jabs and jibes going around. As usual, given the circumstance, I’m always half wondering if she was conscious of her speech or is she truly one of Nature’s blinder creatures. Like an earthworm maybe, or a mole, but at least they are useful.

In any case, the episode today is back on track. If this blog were a TV show, there had be a deep manly voice saying, ‘And now! For more of…………. the Adventures of ………….PPQ!!!!’

And a theme song ala the Green Hornet will blare out and then onscreen, large block letters zoomed out accompanied by the same manly voice.

‘The Mystery of the Chinese Takeaway!!!’ It booms.

Yup! It is truly the subtitle for today’s entry. Of cos, taken into the asian context, perhaps it’ll be more appropriate to change it to….

The Mystery of the Hee Teng Ta-Pao!!!!!

Yup again! It’s another fish porridge episode!

Following the dearth of LK’s dramatic confession, I’ve not been in contact with him since he has finished with this side of the work for the time being. Assuring me that he’ll talk to PPQ however, doesn’t mean it’ll take place any time soon. It seemed that since the weight episode, I had become anathema. The subject of weight, which was by far her second most favourite topic, after men/potential boyfriends, has been abruptly trodden for the time being. After the incident where her large face suddenly plastered too close to mine for my comfort, I’d taken to installing a small mirror above my flat screen to monitor my rear end. Every now and then, I can see her take surreptitious glances at me, trying her best to see exactly where 7kg of flesh might have disappeared to in a space of 2 weeks without her knowledge. Other than that, things seemed to have gone to ground.

But during the rest of the week, I caught snatches of conversations between PPQ and the younger colleagues. Not joining the conversation, I nevertheless heard the murmurings of my colleagues. The words ‘LK”, ‘married’, ‘just friends’, any chances?’, ‘no more going out?’ floated out.

In this regard, I found myself incensed with PPQ’s terrible lack of sense and sensibility. Although the whole context was not wholly taken in, I’m pretty sure they were discussing the topic of LK. Following his confession, I felt it was only right to keep this news from the office or those who knows him. If he wanted to share, he can do so himself. But it’s been barely 2 weeks and already news of his married state is being spread around by PPQ herself. I heard the colleagues murmur condolences to her current ‘alone again’ state and commiserating that LK did not seem agreeable to meet up more often as ‘just friends’. I was sure that PPQ did not mean to spread it as a form of malicious gossip, but only as garnishing to her own problems of being ‘dumped’.

Ever since the recent hoo-haas, I’ve also stopped talking to her on a personal level. I just can’t seem to get enough heart and feelings to open my mouth. It is the truth that I no longer wanted to know what’s going on in her life. It bears no significance, no weight, no effect, not even a ripple to my own, since I don’t care for her the way I do the others. It will soon also spell the demise of this series, but at the very least, today’s entry won’t be much of a disappointment. It involves, of all things, very curious bowl of fish porridge (again) and a cup of regular kopi.

I’d like to say that LK and PPQ have it all over between them. Unfortunately, the episode of LK+PPQ hasn’t ended in the murmurings of the office gals. It is true that LK did eventually tell her, once on a Thursday to roughly run over his sob story, then again on a Sunday, for emphasis. All these, I gleaned from LK on one of his visits for another service, spending approximately 5min at the water dispenser filling me in.

To say that PPQ is upset is an understatement, she is back to ground zero ie nobody loves me. But following LK’s advice, she has stopped borrowing those relationship self-help books.

Nowadays she reads How to Say YES! to Life.

You had have thought everything’s finally gone back to normal. So the next few days were a breeze. No jabs, jibes, complaints, or any topics on LK, men, their eligibility or lack of, her eligibility or lack of and of cos, weight, hers and the rest of the office’s. When the end of the week swung around, I actually thought we could all get through this without a peep. To celebrate, I decided to once again attend the card sessions that were held in the office every lunchtime. And so when the freer gals came around to take order for takeways so we can hole up in office, I asked for rice, 2 veg and 1 meat. Another colleague, Penny, gave her order and also PPQ’s order, which she had passed to her before she went to do some lab work.

Half way through working at the PC in the office, I heard Penny received an SMS beep. Immediately after, she called the gals who was catering for us.

‘Hey, listen up! No need buy for PPQ liao. Her secret admirer bought lunch for her already!’ she chimed.

Silence and then, ‘No no, you have to buy for me, but not for PPQ. She got lunch, but you mustn’t forget me! I don’t have secret admirer like her lah!’ she chuckled.

A red loud siren twirling the words ‘Blog Entry Alert!’ flew a merry-go-round my head. I pinged Penny on MSN.

‘Oy Oy, buy lunch for her liao, how to be secret admirer anymore?’

‘Dunno leh. She just SMS me to revert the order.’

‘Orh…so is a guy ah?’ OK, I could have been more subtle….

‘Yah, she say he delivering.’

‘So nice ah? I must see who later.’

‘Heheheh….inform me if hansem hor.’

So ends the msn interlude. Soon the colleague left and I was alone in the office. I clicked on my blog URL.

Just as I was thinking distractedly and touching up on my entry, a sudden tap on my shoulder and a cheerful ‘hi!’ sent me almost scrambling to either topple the PC screen or use my body as a shield.

‘What what?’ I looked around anxiously. I had just used my mirror to check my itchy eyes and then misplaced it flat on the table. LK’s face loomed above it.

Piak! On came the Google default window to cover the familiar green template of akkueh.blogspot.com and I turned around to match him face to face, eye to eye with a suspiciously bright smile.

‘Heyyyyy……!! Long time no see!! How are you doing?’ I noticed 2 cups of coffee in a cardboard holder and a lunch of fish porridge in his hands. A vague idea formed in my mind….. Interesting….

For the sake of things, I asked politely, although I already knew the answer.

‘Who’s the lucky person you bought lunch for?’

He looked at his offerings, then calmly went to PPQ’s table and put the foodstuffs on it. Then he unscrewed a cup of kopi and nursed it in his hands and replied, ‘For PPQ.’

‘Huh? Like that only ah? Elaborate leh.’ I teased

He frowned. ‘No special meaning. She sms me to help her buy lunch. Since I was already out lunching, I replied sure and helped.’

Ho ho ho….someone’s being funny and it’s not him.

I made myself a cup of kopi and asked, ‘You already talked to her, right? I thought you did?’


‘Left anything out?’

‘Nope, but it’s a watered down version, none of the dramatics.’

I motioned him to the meeting room. ‘There’s something I need to tell you….’

‘What what? Do I do something wrong again?’ As I kindly ushered him to a seat.

‘Well, you bought lunch for her.’

‘Only cos she asked for it! If I wasn’t eating myself, I wouldn’t have gone any extra mile. Not after talking with her.’

‘So you didn’t sms her and asked her if she’s hungry?’

He was indignant. ‘Unless my HP can type itself, I hardly think so.’

I went for broke. ‘Did you know in our office, we have our own tapao system?’

‘Really? Then why did she sms me?’

A moment of chagrin marched across his face. Then his jaw dropped.


I grinned. I was enjoying this moment a little too much.


‘You sure?’

‘Yup. Today, one order was cancelled at the last moment.’


He looked so scared for a moment that I laughed.

‘Be sure to tell me if you dare to ask her.’

He stared at his empty cup of coffee.

‘Great! I thought the whole thing’s solved…I told you I told her twice…First time on Thursday when she called me and second time on Sunday when she came over.’

‘Eh…aftershock?’ I chortled again. An idea occurred. I announced expectantly.

‘In fact, some girls react badly if you rock their world.’

Silence met this statement a moment longer than was necessary. I tried again.

‘As in you? Like when she met you, you Rock her World? And then metaphorically, when you gave her the bad news, you rocked her world again? You know?’ I coughed.

His jaw closed and his eyebrow lifted in a look of disgust.

‘Wah lau! You very corny, you know?’ He burst out.

‘Hur hur hur….thank you thank you. Incidentally, corn don’t have knees, they have ears.’ A memory of some sort was trying to bug me in the last few seconds, but I couldn’t quite catch it.

With that retort, LK grimaced at the chilliness of the joke and whacked me on the shoulder with his empty cup while I laughed away. He grabbed me by the lanyard around my neck to bring me closer to the security door so he could get himself away from me. 5 seconds later, he was out the door and saying goodbye. Through it all, my sub consciousness was screaming at me and trying to get my attention.

Half way down the corridor, it hit me. I ran to a retreating LK.

‘She went over to YOUR PLACE??!!!’ I shouted. The echo sped through the walls. He spun around, startled.


‘You said she came over. To your place?’

He relaxed.

‘Hah! I know what you’re thinking! She came but she stayed at the void deck, yes? I didn’t invite her to my place.’

‘Unbelievable….’ I’m trying my best not to think my colleague is completely off her rocker but it’s getting harder everyday.

‘Believe it. This tapao thing isn’t too bad already. When I saw the sms was from her, I was filled with utmost dread, so imagine my happiness when it was just an ordinary request to help get a meal.’


‘Gotta go, gal. Before she comes back from her lab. Best to not see her in the next few days. I’ve got work to do.’ Then he spun around and took off.

While I can’t be too sure, I have a feeling that the PPQ series, or at least the LK/PPQ episodes are drawing to a close. LK definitely came off the whole thing the wiser for it, while PPQ remained essentially the same. A bit eccentric, but no less beguiling to other men. Beats me, but I just heard there’s yet another guy going after her. Perhaps one day she may indeed find the one person who suits her. Of cos, he’ll probably be dumber than a puppet with its mouth glued shut and emptier than an open packet of chips in a rat’s nest (I’ve been watching too much Hannah Montana), but hey, there’s one for everyone out there, ya?



Tuesday, May 01, 2007


Hi all!

For those anxious for epi 11, very sorry, I have been working my fucking ass off....

Check back in a few day? or at least till I calm down after labour day......

There's another 24 hr day on the way....


AKK :)

Thanks you guys for visiting and those kind words.:)

Saturday, April 21, 2007

Let's take a break from PPQ.....

Hi all!

I found this from Nadnut:

We all have things about our friends that make us slightly envious. Not in a bad way, but in a ‘Wow! I wish I had that person’s boobs/eyes/money/relationship/nose hairs/whatever.’ So tell me what about me makes you envy me. . . then post this in your blog and see what makes me envious of you.


I only realise I have great depths of envy only after commenting on her entry, telling her what I envy about her. A sign of person with low self-esteem.

So trying hard to remember the TS theory, this is a rallying call to those out there who reads me. Is there something you want to tell me?

Let's make it a frank feedback. good stuff and bad stuff, all comments welcome. everyone always needs to hear both sides of a story (although in my blog, its always one-sided).

PPQ series will resume after this message.



Monday, April 16, 2007

The Sad Ping Pong Queen Vol 10

Hi all!

As usual, the disclaimer: if you have been reading the series, thanks again. if you have arrived by accident, after a long while, or just passing through, pls click on the right side panel for the start of this series (vol 2 will connect you to vol 1, vol 6 will connect you to all the previous vol on this series). Very sorry about this, but we are in the mid-end of a running series, so there's a lot of character buildup and plot twist, so pls take some time to update from the start. :) Thanks!

It's highly impossible for me to even stick around on anything for so long, so having the PPQ series reach its 10th episode is a wonder in itself to behold, not just its contents.

so while everyone has been faithfully updating on the series, i thank you all. Hope it has been as exciting to read as it is to write.

Without further ado, here's the latest installment.


'The weighing machine is spoilt!' came the plaintive wail as i walked over. It was a Wednesday Evening and the office gym was packed with office people trying to get fit. Well, some will walk leisurely and pose in front of the mirror after every pump of the iron, while some, instead on concentrating on their breathing, are furtively looking around the room for someone 'to lend a hand to', it takes all sorts to visit the gym. PPQ, for all her flights of fancy, religiously uses the gym really to get fit. I mean, I think so. Well, what i really think, i probably can't write down or ppl will say I'm biased.

In any case, today is to answer the OTHER question that has not been posted in the previous entry, mainly because our subject wasn't PPQ last time. It's to disclose the 5kg-bag-of-rice-overestimate to our darling innocent. Actually, this episode almost didn't happen. After i had given PPQ the challenge and the hug (which I've been bathing 5 times a day to wash off the imprint unsuccessfully), in typical AKK fashion, I've gotten lazy and tired again. You see, the immediate gratification of emotional uncertainty i bestowed on her had been served, resulting in a sudden accumulation of gym 'hurghh!!!' (pumping grunts) per week, so after the 3rd day seeing her enter the office looking grey-eyed and 'ouching' her way tenderly whenever she moved from her seat, I had naturally felt guilty enough to not go through with the final insult to injure her equally tender emotional status by showing her I wasn't that heavy to begin with.

So this current episode exists because after the Bacardi moment, a close fren of mine, who had been following my series diligently, almost collapsed in agitation when I merely hinted that I was going to be nice about the whole weight issue. After enduring a half-hour of scolding, first on my laziness, then on PPQ's lousy-shame-to-all-women tirade, said fren finally cajoled me by saying that she is much too interested in what PPQ's reaction would be than to worry about the morality of sniggering at other people's weaknesses.

Hence I relented and played out the whole scene with artistic aplomb.

Never let it be said that AKK is a bad fren. The glee that came with it is moot.

Back to the scene of the crime. PPQ's wail carried like a whale's ultrasound. It was too soft and high to be detected in normal-day communication, but its persistent tinny texture grates on the chalkboard of your nerves so much that while you probably missed the dialogue, you can easily detect the buzzing quality fom across the length of the room.

For my part, I had also diligently took up exercising again. It's true that motivation can drive a person to do great things, but motivation from PPQ drove me up the wall. Never had I felt so much energy at the prospect of starting the exercise regime once more. Perhaps anyone would be able to throw off that mantle of disgust, but every single step I pounded onto the treadmill, a litany of 'I want to be smaller than PPQ' rolled off like a tape recorder.

So by the time Wednesday came around (so good I was, I gave her 2 weeks), I was feeling great and happier than ever. seeing her walking over to the scale made my heart leap in joy (and shudder at my fren's chiding). Now's the time.

'What is?' I chirped from behind her. I had been running, I'm sure she smelt me first. PPQ did an impressive pirouette in horror. i must admit that ever since she started irking me, every single action of hers looked over-done and cutesy. She's the equivalent of a wet market Auntie in Ah Lian get-up with full make-up. OK, so I'm getting personal, sue me. Never tarry with a woman's weight.

'Oh Akk,' she breathed, chest heaving in affront. 'I think the scale is spoilt. It's showing the wrong numbers.'

I looked at the electronic scale. It was patiently registering '0' while waiting for a customer.

'I don't see how, it's balanced.' I pointed out.

'I'll show you.' and she stood on it. The electronic numbers jumped to 60kg.

'See?' she exclaimed. 'It's spoilt! a week ago, it showed me 58kg! There must be something wrong. I worked out quite a lot, should have gone down again this week.' Her voice was pitching higher, an indication her Majesty is getting upset.

'I really am 58kg!' As if I didn't believe her. 'Why don't you try it and tell me if it's showing a few kgs heavier. If I remember, you're 57kg, right?'

She remembers! Why am I not surprised?

I shrugged and stood on the scale. Unlike PPQ, I kept all my gear on, shoes, towel and handphone. The numbers whirred and settled, to my delight, on 50kg.

I heard a gasp behind me and had to keep a straight face. It was that or start sniggering. The heavens had suddenly decided to rain lavishly on PPQ's parade. Not only was I a rice-bag lighter, according to the scale, I had gone down another 2. Furthermore, she had apparently gained some since last week.

I turned around. What was on her face was indescribable, like art is sometimes indescribable. Closest I could get? Possibly art by Edvard Munch.

Note the twist of the hips.

The actress in me raised to the occasion. Somehow seeing her overly bewildered look had made me slightly pissed too. What? Like I really don't look my weight at all? Geez....I forced a surprised look that mirrored hers and used the same breathless voice she used on me. If she had been less shocked, she would surely recognise the caricature.

'Oh My GOD!!! I'm so light? It can't be! OH my GOODNESS!' I gushed, pretending to be amazed. Then the metaphoric knife stab. 'Man, I think you are right! The scale doesn't seem very accurate!' I frowned concernedly at her horrific expression.

'We need to tell the trainer.' I continued. 'People can't go around imagining they are heavier or lighter than they should be.' And promptly I left the scene and made a fruitless trip to the staff room and made them fruitlessly switch the machine on and off using, of all things, PPQ as their weighing gauge.

I slipped away to bathe when PPQ got all angry trying to explain away to the staff why she should be 58kg, not 60kg, do you understand me? I did not put on any weight! the scale is still spoilt! And she lost 7kg, how is that possible, your scale is so unreliable!

While things couldn't have ended better in such a cinematic way, I was feeling slightly out-of-sorts the rest of the day. I supposed it's the guilt. I'm not that nice a person, but feeding people their own medicine has made me sick, because some people's medicine are really hard to swallow, even for themselves. While PPQ is probably suffering from the episode, she'll no doubt have learnt at least one thing she should never do. Comparing with others. If I were in her shoes, I'll probably never talk about my weight again and instead quietly lose all my kgs until I can finally fit that dream dress I bought to motivate myself, then go to work in triumph.

So for the next day, Jill and another close colleague, Keisha, after chortling delightfully at my summarised account, began to note a slight droop in my smile, so affected was I. Uncertain of my feelings (probably PMS) and knowing that I was being childish for cranking PPQ up, I kept to myself at the workplace. The self-imposed punishment ended abruptly on day 2 when Jill and Keisha yanked me out from my lab and plonked a bottle of Bacardi raspberry (yay!) unceremoniously on my lap in an undisclosed location (meant for slacking...SSShhhh...).

Then Keisha, the tall Amazon, who can easily fell me with a punch, sat across me in a serious manner and began her story.


Keisha was a strapping tall lady with a very well-proportionate figure. And because of her height, she'll never be described as slim or small. She had wide shoulders that would make any model green with envy but meant she only wore size L clothes in the Asian context. To put it as accurately as possible, Keisha is eye-catching because of her height, straight shoulders and toned figure in the local sense. She had that kind of figure most men would look twice in admiration and women to look twice in awe, and not always positively. The word 'petite' will be applied to her only in a Caucasian community. What I am trying to say is: She neither fat nor consumptive. She is just right for her frame, but insipid stoopid Asian women will call her a Giant or simply Large.

And thus, the camera reverses and pans to a scene in the pantry a few months ago before all the hoo-haa started. It arrows in on one such stoopid, insipid woman, who was clueless that she'll be arguing with the weighing scale come the future. If she had known, she might not be snacking so happily on corn chips then.

The issuing conversation occurred when another colleague entered the pantry.

'These corn chips are great! You want some?'

'Oh no! No nachos for me! They just go directly to my hips. I like them so much that once I start, I cannot stop, confirm will turn into an elephant!' joked the slim colleague.

'Nonsense!' exclaimed PPQ, who couldn't stop eating the chips. 'If you are an elephant, I must be a dinosaur.'

On cue, Keisha entered the pantry to see both gals laughing. She smiled and asks, 'What's so funny?'

A sudden burst of more laughter from PPQ, who was clutching her stomach from an inner joke and then...

'Oh wait! If I'm a dinosaur, then what is Keisha?!'


Scene changes back to the present on a half-drunk AKK, a steadily drinking Jill and a slightly doused Keisha at the slacker's corner.

'What indeed!' Keisha huffed, waving her Heineken furiously.

Then she turned on me, who was hooting at her predicament.

'What did you say? What did you say?'

'What can I say, right? Treat the whole thing like a joke lah! Laugh along and say 'must be bigger than dinosaur lor!''

'Aiyo! So lame!'

'I cannot think of anything bigger than a dinosaur what!'

I hooted again. It's true! I myself couldn't think of a bigger animal than a dinosaur.

'Godzilla?' Piped Jill.

'You think I never considered meh? But Godzilla and Dinosaur both same size!Cannot!!' wailed Keisha in mock despair.

'Muahahhaha....' we roared in our chairs.

We laughed ourselves silly till we had no more strength, then packed up the room, removed all evidence of alcoholic involvement and went back to work with clorets in our mouths. I had regained my balance and had forgiven myself. Eating your own mdedicine might be bitter, but dishing it will make you ill.

This episode is dedicated, although they would never know, to Jill, for that slight on singlehood, and to Keisha, the Whale (we finally found one bigger), for that slight on her Amazonite frame.

Thanks for the timely intervention.



Saturday, April 07, 2007

The Sad Ping Pong Queen Vol 9

Hi all!

For those who just came in, welcome! we are nowin a full fledged running series. so feel free to scroll down for the earlier volumes. from volume 5 onwards, there are links to the first one, so thanks for taking the time to finger-clcik a little while longer.

for those who have been following, here's the latest longest episode yet.

I think you all must be waiting with bated breath to the answers to all your questions about the PPQ stories. Me? I confessed to much glee with the outcome of the series so far. Everything is so beyond expectation that I am absolutely flabbergasted. This episode will be no less dramatic. Please do remember that the whole story is true so far. There’s no addictives, MSG or other artificial colouring and flavouring added to this spicy drama. I swear. I really wouldn’t have cooked up such a storm.

So the following questions which I know you readers are thinking of, because I have thought of them myself, you’ll finally get the answer to. I’m proud to announce that I have diligently taken down all your questions and posted them to him, so it’s straight from the Horse’s mouth, LK himself. Under zero influence and hypnosis somemore! He was most willing to share.

And they are:

1. The reason why he never mentions he’s married till now.

2. Whether he told PPQ he is married.

3. What’s with the flowers on the first date?

4. How does PPQ know about the cookies? This one, I really want to know....

5. What, exactly, does he think of the fish porridge episode?

So the camera pans back to LK and AKK seated across each other over a large expanse of the meeting room table. The Ikea clock ticked its way to 7pm while the scanner hums contentedly in the background, minding its own business. Another 30 minutes and the whole thing will be done and it’ll be time to pack up and go home.

Contrary to popular belief that I’m not cut out for hard work, after the initial first so-called request to extend beyond office hours for LK, I got to entertain a few more other clients with the same treatment. Mainly because they really are nice and their bosses have finally come back from the Spring holidays to bug them about work progress. After a while, I’ve decided to hell with the office hour restrictions. After all, if the hoteliers are serving their customers ‘beyond the call of duty’, I figured that if I’m free that weekday evening, I might as well be putting a few more hours to prevent my clients from crying, which the female ones will do, since the experiment is usually kaput when it’s not ‘run’ on time.

Of cos, once an extension happens, I usually will go back to the office slightly later than usual the next day. At the end of the month, I still manage to churn in a tidy amount of profits just by being flexible with the opening hours, so why not? Boss’ happy that I seem to work longer than usual, clients are happy that their experiments are ‘served’ and I get a few more hours sleep into the morning.

So it’s a typical day at work for me. Just to set the stage, clients either sit with me to check the scan between breaks in the meeting room or to come back to collect when it’s done. LK chose the former so I was sipping my normal evening coffee kindly produced by Jill before she left while he took his lunch/dinner. I have found out that while most of my female clients eat lunch and skip dinner, it’s the other way around for the guys.

It was all good till the issuing spill from the overturned cup of kindness from Jill (hey, it rhymes!). Which left me bereft of fortification in the face of his bald statement and shall I say it, slight anger that he should chose such a moment to enlighten me and make me lose my drink. (see the previous entry)

I pulled away after he gave that cryptic answer. While a part of me is singing the high chorus for this extreme piece of juice sure to spruce up my diary, another part of me was aghast with the thought that this man is trying to play with us all. While I still believe that giving a gal flowers was a great ladykiller move, I don’t think it’s justifiable to do so after said ladykiller is married, yes?

I mean, what is he trying to proof by roping them all up like trophies when he’s obviously not available anymore?

Great! I miss my kopi and I need a Bacardi right now….

‘Why don’t you,’ I put a hand up and put the whole length of the table between us. ‘Tell me the whole story.’

He sighed and leaned back on his chair.

‘I knew people are going to look at me this way the way you are doing right now. It’s hard to change people’s immediate opinion about others.’

I bristled. I was playing the high horse and wasn’t counting on him frankly accusing me of being ‘like the rest’.

‘Sorry.’ I sighed. ‘I promise to keep an open mind.’

‘OK’ he was back to grinning again. ‘The truth is…..well, the truth is that I’m in the midst of separation.’

‘How young are you?!!’ I was aghast. He didn’t look a day over 30 and he’s getting a divorce already??


I had a God-awful thought.

‘Oh man, she found out about the flowers, didn’t she? Your flowers for PPQ? Arrghhh….’

He laughed ruefully. ‘Nah, although it would be nice to be the one who hurts, but actually my wife left me.’

‘Why?’ Because you were infidel? But I did not say it out loud.

He crossed his ankles and lean back to stare at the ceiling. This time I would be lying if I didn’t mention that his eyes glimmered in those few short seconds under the lights. At first, I was indignant for myself, wanting to throw him into the mold of a stereotype so he wouldn’t accuse me of being narrow. However, seeing those liquid eyes suddenly brim made me feel like the worst sinner ever.

I have made a grown man tear up.

And then my timer beeped its 15th minute and made me jump in my chair. It was a complete anti-climax, but I leaped up gladly anyway and left him to recover while I check the machine.

By the time I was back, he seemed more normal, like his usual cheery self, although his eyes looked more red than usual. The suaveness had gone from his shoulder. LK has become more human. The chair creaked and he began his story.

It was by all accounts, a very sweet love-gone-wrong story. They met in school real young and spent a decade together as a couple, studying together from JC to Uni, finally accumulating in a wedding after their graduation. Newly wedded, they were poor but ambitious. The girl, in fact, had plans for post graduate studies overseas.

‘To where?’

‘Oxford’ and no less, she said. She wanted the best but wasn’t able to get a scholarship. He was ready to indulge her fully, being the newly blessed man. He never thought they could never work anything out, they had been through lots of thick and thin together. Although the entry fee alone was enough to cripple the couples’ finance, they both took multiple jobs to save. Boosted by his wife’s very obvious ambition to get a doctorate, he plunged in his whole savings into her venture.

‘The money was used for what?!’ I repeated.

‘Meant to pay the tuition fund. I took a scholarship which paid my Uni fees all the way till PHD.’

‘I don’t get it, why is there a need to save money to pay them back when you are on the scholarship?’

‘Because I didn’t want to carry on after graduation and the clause was to pay them back in full if I stop after graduation. Anything after that will be considered bond-breaking’

I gasped. ‘So you gave up the opportunity to buy your way out so she could have her dream.’

‘Yes, I never wanted to be a scholar or a postgraduate. In fact, I always wanted to go into finance, stop all this research thingy.’

‘So now that you are in it, how long is the bond?’

‘6 years, it was a longer version since it was a tuition and research scholarship combined.’

Fuck.’ I swore.

‘Yes.’ he agreed somberly. ‘Absolutely fucked up.’

‘You are a damn poor thing.’

‘Tell me about it.’

‘So when did you realize something was wrong?’

He shrugged. ‘The usual. We use to hold long distance calls every week. When that got too expensive, we relied on emailing. Then after a while, she said she was on a camping course with the school. Didn’t write for 2 weeks. I believed her.’

‘What was she doing then?’

He ignored my question, eyes glazed in remembrance. ‘Immediately after that, she called me and cried on the phone. I thought she was sick or got into an accident.’

‘She told me she found another guy there. Told me she couldn’t take the distance. She told me she wanted a divorce and then,' He turned his grave eyes at me. I stared back, soaking up the whole story.

‘She told me he was a banker and that I should be happy for her because she did not have to worry about money anymore.’

Fuck.’ I swore again. I couldn't help myself.

‘Not really. I would have flown over in another 2 weeks to surprise her. It would have been our 2nd year anniversary. It was good that she told me earlier, I cannot imagine being stranded in a foreign country knowing I wasn’t welcome.’

I sniffed. Sometimes things just have to seen as half-full even when it hurts like blazes.

‘How long has it been?’

He closed his eyes. ‘2 years. I haven’t seen her in a long while. The next trip back, she’ll be here just to sign the papers. I cannot imagine what I’ll do if I were to suddenly see her in front of me again.’

The timer leaped into life, slamming him back into the present and throwing me off my tiny perch on the seat (so engrossed I lean forward too much). Thank goodness for timers! We hurried back to the machine the final time and retrieved the data. I surreptitiously dried my eyes while the CD-R revved to life on the computer. Now I wonder if it would such a good idea to continue with the PPQ series, because it’s so invasive. I feel like a paparazzi who goes around collecting stories of other people’s private life and splashing them like front liners. Who would have thought that LK would turn out to be the one carrying the burden of hurt and anger? Compared to him, PPQ just had a nice walk in the park. Imagine if your other half, someone who pledged his/her whole life to you, turned around and said good riddance, even after you had done everything in your power to pledge your own life to theirs.

I was getting more and more upset. LK apparently send money to her every month as he slogged his way churning out tons of data in my lab, while she was happily studying away in prestigious Oxford and canoodling with a banker. Of all the things to say, she had to talk about money!

‘Oy, hello?’ I started and hastily blinked. I had been staring at the CD-writer till the CD popped out and had made no move to pass the data over to LK. I took it and handed it over while he peered at me closely.

‘There’s no need to get so upset.’

‘I don’t think I have the right to say this, but I think your wife stinks.’ I blurted out.

‘She doesn’t! Don’t say that!’ It was LK's turn to bristle. 'I didn’t tell you this so you can pin all the blame on her for our failed marriage. We got together too soon and married too early, we were both too young and I was too naïve. It takes two hands to clap.’

‘You’re right. I’m sorry.’ I apologized, all contrite. Things just happen sometimes. Perhaps it was the best course of action for all. Everyone moves on. At least she wasn’t cheating on him. He didn’t have to know anything but she told him anyway.

He smiled. ‘That’s why I tell you.’

‘What? Tell what?’

‘About this. At least you listened. I don’t want friends to drum up a personal vendetta against her just because I’m the one being dumped. It’s been better for me now. After a year, everyone starts forgetting the story and stopped looking at me with sadness. It’s easier to go through the motions everyday that passes.’

‘So I take it you did not tell PPQ?’ The journalist in me is remembering all the questions posted.

‘Right. About PPQ. To tell the truth, when I saw her at the seminar, I thought she just might be somebody who could be special to me. And knowing we are all connected made it just a tad easier to invite her out.’

‘So the flowers did mean something.’

‘Yes. It did. I lied to myself that I was accompanying a friend, in truth; I think I subconsciously agreed to go because I also needed some encouragement and some insights. Seeing her there was a step to venture into expanding my life again emotionally.’

I got it. ‘She was your first date since, that’s why you tried to celebrate.' With a pretty gal, flowers and a nice dinner.

‘Yes.’ his eyes mellowed again. ‘The flowers were for her, but I bought them because they were, to me, a symbol that I’m trying to move on. They meant more to me than she’ll ever know.’

‘So how are things between the 2 of you?’

‘She is a nice girl.’ He tried to speak carefully. ‘But we don’t have much in common. And frankly I don’t think I trust her enough. She strikes me as the jealous type. Oh, you better be careful.’


‘You really should see her face when I off-handedly told her about the cookies.’

‘So it really was you!’

‘I’m sorry.’ He grinned. ‘Did I cause any trouble?’

‘Nah.' like cobwebs, i waved away all the trouble and stress PPQ ever caused me. 'I guess you know by now she has got the hots for you.’

‘Believe you me, I didn’t encourage her anymore beyond the flowers. I even paid her back for the porridge.’

Strike 3! ‘And how was the porridge?’ I asked.


‘No, serious.’

‘I was a bit freaked out, to tell the truth. It’s sweet but I don’t even remember telling her I was going back during the weekend.’

‘She must have hung on every word you were saying.’

‘As I said, a bit freaked out right now.’

‘You led her on, with the flowers and everything.’

‘I'm sorry. I led myself on too.’

I nodded. Somebody was trying to chase his own ghosts away. ‘Did it work?’

‘No.’ he sighed mistily. ‘I miss my wife still.’

He held his experiment and CD and grew silent. I waved my hands agitatedly.

‘Get a grip. If you blurb now, I’ll blurb too. Then my eyes will become smaller than they already are.’

He pinched his nose. ‘Right right. Guess I need to tell PPQ straight huh?’

I said. ‘Well, she isn’t the most subtle of people.’ And I really wanted to add ‘you’ll probably have to hammer it into her head with a mallet.’ But I didn’t.

‘Yah………. I’ll probably have to hammer it into her head……... u OK?’

‘Good luck.’ I coughed.

‘That bad huh?’ We walked out the doorway so I could send him on his way.

I thought about her and what she did throughout the whole series, then opened the security door for him.

‘Ok lah. She just needs to grow up a little.’

‘Don’t we all?’ His voice echoed down the corridor as he walked off.

Knowing exactly what he meant, I waved him Goodbye.

And so the camera pans out AKK as she diminishes in size and dims.



Sunday, April 01, 2007

The sad Ping Pong Queen Vol. 8

Hi all!

To recap the whole series, pls read the entries below, all are in running numbers and I assure you, has links to the previous volumes from Vol. 5 onwards. Sorry, i getting lazy....

Usually when I write something like ‘spewed the kopi’, I don’t usually mean it really that way. It’s probably like a drip from the corner of the mouth. Since I’m on for creative writing, words always tend towards being slightly exaggerated. So if anytime I ever wrote that I ‘spilled’, ‘spewed’ or ‘choked’ on ‘soup’, coffee’, or ‘bread’, I probably at most dripped a little or a hand capped in front immediately to stem the flow. In fact, except in the movies, I don’t even reckon it might be possible.

As usual I’m wrong. I can officially announce now that I am capable of such an action--spewing a true fine mist of kopi spread across a large surface area worthy of Mr Kleenex.

I had to blame it all on LK.

‘Actually….I’m married.’ LK announced somberly.

Cue the spewing of the kopi siu-dai and cup overturning….

‘Oh shit! Sorry! Did I hit you??!! Oh God, you’re MARRIED??!! Oh no, it’s spreading, take the cloth!!’

And the conversation broke in the midst of this interesting revelation as we 2 scrambled to clean up the meeting room table. Thankfully I had forsworn to only raise the PPQ vs LK topic after everyone had gone home or I’m sure to cause a ruckus.


And the whole day has started as promising as it will sure to end on his proclamation. PPQ, as I have once mentioned, has been actively trying to slim herself down from her obese days. While she isn’t exactly skinny, I’d say she’s only slightly fleshy. Which is usually less than what I say about myself, because the invincible A has announced very frankly that I am now under the term ‘chubby’. However, since he seems to like hugging the new me this much, it’s not a cause of much concern for me.

Once I would probably have said that I suspect PPQ of being unusually tactless, now I’m closer to saying that not only do I think she knows exactly what’s going through her mouth, she’s probably assessing your facial features for a reaction as well. The sneaky little creature….

‘Akk, can I ask you a question?’

Oh man….can I say no? I had begun to fear her opening statements.

‘How much do you weigh?’ she inquired politely, I’m sure my over-active imagination thought it saw an extra glint in her eyes.

I sighed. As usual, the day is too early to play games.

‘I’m a hefty 57kg.’

OK, so I lied. I was closer to 52kg, but whatever makes her happy. Incidentally, always always tell other gals a higher number when it comes to weight, especially the ones whom you know are actively trying to lose some, because for the simple fact that:

a) You don’t want them to whine more about how much heavier they are. Key word is ‘more’ because they’ll definitely whine, but telling them you are heavy too gives them less license to go pass a certain time frame.

b) Gals trying to lose weight happen to feel more charitable to those who aren’t watching theirs. Knowing that you are as heavy/heavier/will soon be heavier than them will make the office culture a better place to work in. For one thing, they are more likely to help you out. Whoever wants to lend a hand to that teck-goh that runs the biathlon every month, that over-skinny, anorexic, salad-touting over-achiever….bet she don’t need me to help pass the fax over. She can surely walk over and collect it herself, she might welcome the exercise….hah!

c) You don’t really want them to suddenly open their eyes big big and say, ‘Really??!! Oh my God, you’re so light? I mean, you’re so light!! Oh…My…God….’ And either win the Grammy for Best Pretense, or Best Knifing Moment.

The outcry from her lips screeched through my pre-caffeine head and her eyes had come to widen to that sickening extent I’m starting to hate.

‘Really??!! Oh my God, you’re so light? I mean, so light!! Oh…My…God….’ Apparently, my one-bag-of-rice over-estimate was not able to take away option C in PPQ’s case. She won the latter but completely lost the first award.

‘Really….I only look heavy, but I was told I’ve got the bones of a bird’, I gritted it out. Already, my blood pressure is rising to the occasion. I can also see the top of Jill’s head over at her cubicle grow still. She overheard the whole exchange.

My MSN pinged. ‘Want Bacardi?’ it was Jill. Ever since the smses, Jill and I have been actively having what we call ‘Bacardi Moments’, which is in the face of impending PPQ-related stress, to drop everything and have a toast of Bacardi or any alcohol-related drink to cool down. We are now currently having a lime Bacardi hiding in the fridge.

‘Not yet’, I pinged back.

‘Akk, I’ve decided to take control of my life,‘ PPQ suddenly announced seriously. She’s been acting like this at funny times during the whole week. ‘I shall not be so upset at being single anymore. There’s nothing wrong, ‘she intoned, she eyes shining with inner light while I imagined Jill hiding behind her cubicle and cringing. ‘in being single at all.’

‘Absolutely,’ I repeated. ‘Nothing wrong.’ And then, refusing to handle this conversation myself anymore, I added, ‘Rite, Jill?’

I heard some choking noises emanating from that end. My MSN immediately pinged an emoticon guzzling beer. Someone’s experiencing her Bacardi moment right now.

‘Rite rite…*koff*…best thing that ever happened to me…’ coughed a reply from the corner while PPQ started guiltily. She did not realize that Jill was at her desk. The MSN pinged me a second emoticon from Jill, this time with one emoticon strangling another.

‘In fact,’ PPQ continued, looking around to check more carefully that there’s only she, me and Jill currently avaible. ‘I’m going to start living for myself.’

‘Good good.’ I murmured and went back to my typing….I’d heard all these before.

‘In fact, I want to make myself prettier.’

‘Good good…huh?’

‘Akk, I’ve decided to give myself a goal.’

‘What goal,’ I asked suspiciously, my fingers floated over the keyboard.

‘I want to look smaller-sized than you.’ She exclaimed.

My Bacardi moment has arrived. More coughing issued from one useless corner of the office while I stared at PPQ blankly, wondering if I had just been bit by a hitherto barking toothless puppy who suddenly grew 4” canines in one night. I, who had given her the TS theory. I, who should be thanked endlessly for my morale-building on her current insight to Life, was being issued an insult.

Thankless little C*** B**. I had never been this roundly introduced to such a 2-face in my life.

‘Fine.’ The Lime Bacardi is starting to sound super-enticing. Jill pinged an MSN message which I am sure to kill her for later. ‘PPQ 1, AKK 0!!! Fight!!!’

‘Are you OK with that?’ PPQ asked. I no longer wish to know who she is anymore beneath her seemingly guileless demeanor.

Suddenly, I have an idea. ‘Sure! I’ll going to take you up on this challenge!’ I replied cheerfully.

‘But I wasn’t…I mean, I wasn’t trying to say you’re….’

‘Of cos not! No one ever says anyone’s fat these days. But I got your point!’ I continued. ‘In fact, that’s exactly what I needed to motivate myself! Yes!’


‘Yes! you and I can both strive to be thinner than the other! We will then both benefit greatly! I can see that now.’ I swung my arms and gave her a big hug.

‘Such a motivator, you are!’ I look into her terrified eyes. AKK, the cool aunty in the office with the hansem husband, is now taking on a new project with renewed zest.

‘er…er…’ she stuttered helplessly.

‘In fact, I shall start today!’ I waved a finger at her. ‘Don’t slack ah! You’ve got to be smaller-sized than me.’

With that, I left the office.

5 mins later, Jill found me in the pantry nursing a half-bottle of Bacardi Lime.

“What was that about? You’re going to get skinny for her?’

‘Nah, I’ve been exercising anyways, it’s no bother. I’ll give her a week to catch up.’

‘A week to what?’

‘A week, ‘ I repeated. ‘before I look for her in the office gym and we both compare on the electronic scale.’


‘So….,’ I passed her the unfinished alcohol. “So… she’ll kill herself wondering how I managed to shave off a bag of rice in a week’s time.’

‘You’re evil.’

‘Only to certain people.’ I replied.


‘So let me make this clear.’ I said weakly to LK later in the week after we had cleaned up the spill.

'Yes, I will tell you all, ' he salaamed.

‘You are married.’


‘Rather like me. '


‘You have a marriage cert, not just the tea-drinking thingy.’


‘You are pulling my leg.’


‘Who knows about this?’

At this, LK leaned and whispered in my ear.

‘Now you do.’

I have a bad feeling about this……………

Stay tuned!!!!



Sunday, March 25, 2007

The Sad Ping Pong Queen Vol. 7

Hi all!

Hope u are all kept up to date with the on-going series, if not, please read the entries below starting from the 1st vol. Oh yes, I admit I now very lazy, because I just cleaned up the whole house by myself, a rare occurrence, thankfully, so I beseech you to scroll to the previous entry to get all the links to the other volumes…hehehehe.

In any case, here’s the latest installation, which I’m happy to say, did not decrease in its excitement and drama. In fact I would go to say this is even more soap than opera. Here’s why:

The current situation is that I invited my colleagues over to my place for a poker session yesterday. Here’s something about the bunch that you should know. These are really really nice and young and fun people, even the older ones. Maybe because of the ulu location of our department, we needed to be more rowdy and raucous to balance our sanity and the ying-yang of the place. Perhaps next time, I shall blog about the ghostly occurrences in the department, so you can see why we needed to make some noise all the time and remain happy.

And nothing can make us happier than to have lunch together over an intense round of ban-luck or 21. The bids are in 10 cents only, but the point is not the winning, the point is the playing…..and of cos the excitement of the possibility of getting caught playing cards in the office.

So… back to the story, the whole office came over to my place for food and fun, PPQ included. We all noticed she was exceptionally happy, but as a group, we tend not to ask too personal questions all around. And frankly, I wasn’t that interested, even for the PPQ series. In a certain way, I’m sure I can get the whole story in its own time without my intervention.

Sure enough, halfway through the game, PPQ started telling us about her on-going. She went out with LK again, this time for dinner after work. The gals had to ask who asked first, him or PPQ. It was him that asked first, she verified.

Ah, I was thinking, this PPQ is either very smart or very stupid. Beforehand, LK already mentioned to me he received a few smses from PPQ for lunch but he was busy. I knew that he was going to make it up to her for not being free, so the dinner was no surprise. On the other hand, the way PPQ was saying it, she either wanted us to think he’s earnestly chasing her or she wanted to pretend it was all true.

I started worrying again, which was utter stupidity, but I couldn’t help it. On and on in my mind was LK saying the words over and over again, ‘Should there be anything else?’ when I asked him if the date was only for fun.

These 2 people are going at it at cross-purposes.

Oh yes, to digress a little, a quickie conversation that made me pissed happened on Friday. It was PPQ being asked by the younger, idolizing gals whether she does indeed like the irascible, charming LK. I was busy working at my cubicle but her lovely voice reached me anyway.

‘I think I do! I mean, he’s very eligible. Dresses very well and is a scholar! What more could a girl want?’

To which I snorted so quickly and so badly and so loudly, that I had to cover up, bring up a jokes website and ask the gals to come over to read them so that they won’t suspect I heard it. The whole thing is starting to turn into a joke I can absolutely appreciate. I’m almost sure I should see the demise of this relationship, if it ever happened, with PPQ the worse for wear again.

Of cos, what more could a gal want except that a guy is eligible? I’m sure she doesn’t need things like kindness, care, concern or basic attraction. As long as he dresses very well and get As for grades, I’m sure he Mr Right.

What utter shallowness. And it’s terrible because I didn’t know when I became so angry about the whole situation, except that I thought it was such a waste of time for both sides. Why can’t somebody just be the bad person and tell PPQ off for her air-headedness about relationships? Was it because that since LK became a friend, I’m actually worried for his reputation and safety? After all, after seeing her in action, the thought that she might like to turn Martyr for Love is highly plausible?

Again, the whole story is running away from me. There’s so much and so little information to write this out since everything is in bits and pieces. Back to the poker game at my place on Saturday: Suffice to say there was bit more conversation about LK this and LK that and LK everything for the next 30 minutes into the game. By then, everyone who’s got brains at least the size of peas have discovered the new PPQ and her rather larger-than-Life-imagination. Apart from naming her second future son, she did everything to confirm that as a person, she thinks much too much and much too highly of herself. It’s weird, because just a few days before, I thought she was suffering from low-self-esteem….

Colleague Jill came to the kitchen to help make the coffee during a short break, where she gave me the second largest piece of news of this entry. Due to her work, she’s required to sometimes go back on weekends and in fact, had came from the department to my place.

‘Guess who I saw at the labs?’ she gave me a cheeky smile while I ripped the 3-in-1s apart.

‘PPQ?” I said. It was hardly a subject between the 2 of us that never got back to her.

‘Yah and you know why she was there?’

‘I have no idea.’ PPQ’s work does not involve weekend burning…..Hmmm……

‘She went back to buy fish porridge for LK.’

‘Huh?’ I was mystified. Did LK lack the hands to buy his own fish porridge?

‘I’m not kidding. She told me she came back just to buy him lunch.’

‘Oh well, if he did ask her for help, that’s hardly news.’

‘Yup, but he didn’t. She just came all the way back to buy it for him because she knew he’s in the lab today. But that’s not the best part, the best part was that, not only did he NOT know she came to give him lunch, he didn’t even arrive yet when she got there, so she waited till she couldn’t wait anymore and actually left the takeaway at the receptionist.’

‘At the receptionist?’ I gasped. It was unbelievable.

‘Yes! Then she smsed him a cryptic sms and asked him to get ‘the surprise’ from the lady at the lobby.’

‘From the lobby.’ I intoned. I was gobsmacked.

‘From the lobby.’ She confirmed, her lips quivering.

And the dam burst out in the kitchen. We laughed at the flabbergasted performance that is PPQ. It was bad planning, and terrible coordination all rolled into one. I know I should look at it and think its sweet, but the thought of him going back to the lab, most likely with lunch already settled, receiving a ‘surprising’ soggy bowl of cold soup from a grumbling receptionist was too much. The whole lobby would have smelt of soup. I wondered how amused the receptionist must have been to receive it and how equally amused she would be to find out who the lucky guy was.

Somebody’s embarrassment shall know no bounds even as we speak.

Jill and I giggled irrepressibly when the whole bunch coddled us unsuccessfully to tell them the joke. It was nice to have an ally.

The whole thing ended with success. Success meaning that I won enough to buy a cup of coffee. The whole adventure would have ended here and in fact, been sufficient for a blog entry.

But another new thing about PPQ I would learn is never to expect the expected when it comes to her.

A series of smses was flung at me today, while I was dosing off to sleep at my balcony, mouth wide open, enjoying the sun….

They were from PPQ.

Dear AKK, I wanna tell you something. I strongly believe in the TS theory now bcos it has been proven in my case. I have managed to find out one of my secret admirers just now…. Haha…

I felt uncomfortable about the ‘Haha…’ I smsed back, ‘Really? Was it someone I know?’

No, u dunno….it’s 1 of my JC frens. He is marrying soon. He drove me home just now. On the way, he asked me why I never like him…then I told him why, then he told me tat last time he did have crush on me. Haha… But it’s all past le. Haha…

The ‘Haha…’s are starting to sound demonic.

I wrote back, ‘Actually, it’s best not to go looking, just know it can liao.’ Whatever possessed me to tell her the TS theory…

The next sms made my toes curl and wonder about her mental state….it was long and filled with lots of haha-s and apostrophes.

Ya…I know…unless they divulge themselves.. so I strongly believe tat there are at least 9 more out there who is thinking of me now. Haha… Really…I am so glad tat this fren of mine is so brave 2 be vulnerable to me, to tell me this. It really makes me even believe tat theory, felt better about myself. LK jus happen to be the bravest to approach me in a more aggressive way… Haha… Or he is hiding something behind his sleeves by being so nice 2 me…So I have 2 be mre careful… Now I believe tat ‘the one’ shall overcome all obstacles 2 court me, and not the other way round. Haha…=)

Oh man! This time, I got a very amused A (who has been kept very updated) to pen the sms back to her because I am left speechless with guilt and …fear?

It would be best not to think so much and just enjoy a great frenship in the making. Even if things don’t work out, everyone can still be frens.

Rather than dampen the spirit, her reply was a roar of self-expression starting with…..

Haha… thank u 4 ur advice. Anyway, I still wanna thank u 4 ur TS theory. This is going to make a difference in my Life le… Haha…^-^

Oh no!!!! What have I done??!!! I have given power to the undeserved!!! The knowledge has mentally disabled her senses!!! And what’s with ‘hiding something behind his sleeves’ mean? While I agonized, A guffawed at the entertainment.

Half an hour later, PPQ sent her pièce de résistance. Note the hesitance.

O……..Ya……AKK...... mind I check w u? Did anyone give you cookies 4 ur birthday? Haha….

I have a bad feeling about this…..