Monday, November 21, 2005

The Hunt for Agent J *Edited*

*just for the fun of it and possibly unreadable...Haiz....for more info, pls read Operation Crimsom Cattle and As Usual, wuo man ban pai....Oh yah, pic to be included as soon as Hello is up....Choujidan...*

Special missive disseminated to all high-power command under the Audit Krimsom Kake Corp:

Dear All,

With deepest and utmost secrecy should this information be rendered among us at the AKK Corp. It has come to our attention that a well-known secret Organisation has been staging a stake-out for one of our most prized possession.

As you know, the purpose of our existence has been driven by the words of our fore-founders, the KuKuehKlan. The emergence of the international language of Communication has since progressed our organisation pass its Dialect Stone-age and out into the current playing field, but our motto shall live in its original entity forever.

Let us all stand and on our beating heart place our strong fist and recite thy motto.

‘Li si simi lang? Pai-lang?! Pai-lang wah hoot! Hia! Hia! Heee-iahh!’

KuKuehKlan has all along been true to it mission as the Guild of Assassins. Since the dawn of time, civilisations have risen and fell via the death of single king or twin-brother princeling.

Do we not remember that the Great War of Yoodelland did not occur because the Eunuch Gnu choked on the fishbone we have planted in his beef casserole and failed to induce the Na├»ve Queen LanFaFa to wage war under his ‘finger’ ministrations in the year of the Leaping Lizard?

Or that the Bone Bridge of a Million Deaths was not built by the insane King Kablahblah because he tripped over a Ripe Banana Skin into His own Tar Pit full of feathers in the year of the Skinless Cat?

Did we not remember that the Month-Long-RedBull-Torture was so professionally and agonisingly carried out to a perfect completion in the Year of the Crowing Chicken?

Did we not remember our most prized possession (OMPP), our Freelance Mercenary, Nado-Nuto-San, is responsible or all these accomplishments?

Our Most Prized Possession (OMPP)

And Yet, OMPP is now in trouble. We have garnered information that OMPP’s greatest weakness has been tested to its limits. A PL has successfully tempted the most accomplished mercenary of our time to detract from her current stint in a Local School XXX to sniff out Racist Bloggers over a cache of HK Redbull slated to arrive in mid Dec.

Yes all, we gasp at the audacity of the PL (Pai-Lang lah!). He has been found to be that particularly atas-flying Secret Agent J who disregards traffic rules, especially the use of overhead bridges. Dear all, this double agent has been in a few atas-flying operations himself, namely the Operation Burgundy Buffalo 1, 2 and apparently now has set his eyes on OMPP for the purpose of extracting blogging materials for the instalment of Operation Crimsom Cattle. This atrocious act has to be stopped before Nado-nuto-san succumbs to his sweet-talking and jaywalking ways and starts to cross roads when the Red Man is On. Also imagine the amount of money spent on her rehab over her Vodka-Redbull addiction Again should she ever put to her lips the temptation of Agent J’s Bull.

…….RedBull….typo there…

It is therefore our duty to root out this Traffic Offender from the Land of Recycled Oil for Frying Mee. He is a worthy opponent to have seen through Nado-Nuto-san’s Gingerbread Man disguise.

unrecognisable or what?

Thankfully, the ‘plain’ clothes dept have successfully foiled his attempts to kidnap her by placing a Stunt Double.

Can you spot the stunt double?

Unfortunately, our stunt double is now behind bars because Agent J, in a fit of revenge, force-fed our man with Fisherman’s Friend and made him fail his breathalyzer test at a police checkpoint. Haiz…..

Mid Dec will see our plan set to motion to tail and investigate PL/Traffic Offender/Agent J when he plans to return to Fried Rice Paradise. Our Mole shall be Agent Deek, his personal Friend and Assistant, who has since Gone over to the Liang Jing Jing Side (Ours). Our own men shall recognise him by the Copy of Maxim’s Blogger’s Edition that he carries, which he will pass over to J. Unbeknowst to Agent J (Orh-Lu-Lu Side), the copy has been bugged by none other than our reclusive Great Leader, AKK, founder of the KuKuehKlan and Special Secret Secret Double Double Agent of various organisations. It is rumoured that she has a finger in every pie and somewhere else…….

She has therefore many fingers…..

The mission: Our Reclusive Leader shall emerge from her Tertiary Monastery to consort with Agent J. They shall go lim kopi and RelAKK One Corner, which is AKKSpeak for a Tea Spot in HV or else an Atas Place of Booze and Ear-Splitting Music (we forgot which actually…). She shall stop Agent J from handing the precious stash of Redbull over to Nuto-san, induce him to read the Maxim when he does his Smoking Sandwich (Listerine strip-Menthol-listerine strip). He shall then inhale too much over the lovely bikinis on display and sputter. AKK will then practice our motto using her Million-Finger Power-Hold, take the edition back and collect his saliva for DNA and powder for fingerprint ala CSI.

With his DNA and print code, we shall infiltrate his own Enterprise, take over the world and fill it with steel-enforced Wooden Bedframes and Energiser Bunnies*…. Nado-Nuto-San, our Queen of disguises, has been hard at work training herself to replace Agent J, however, Agent J’s unique tattoo has been impossible to create using normal cosmetics.

Agent J's tattoo....impossible to forge... Due to graphic nature, pic has been resized to calm down crying toddlers...

Nado-nuto-San is still currently stuck in her Cow Suit.

Stuck for the moment...note the hands...

The sensitivity of this missive cannot be reinforced more strongly. Pls Self-destruct upon reading….

If you have not done the above-mentioned…I applaud you for your intelligence.

However, you loyalty to the Organisation has been questioned.

You are now under Deep Suspicion and Investigation.


AKK Corp.

*Euphemism for Hunks….don’t ask….


nadnut said...

Nado-Nuto-San applauds KuKuehKlan for their help in the replacement of Agent J.

KuKuehKlan will be rewarded generously when the mission is completed.

*the message will self distruct in 15 seconds*

Jay "Agent-J" Walk said...

Resistance if futile. You must give up!

You will never get to Agent Deek for the Badman & Lorbin partnership will never be severed by your seeds of discord. Never!

Surrender now before I deliver "Le Toy From Le Corner Holland-V Shop" to your office in the guise of a DHL delivery guy. It will be unwrapped in its full glory. Be scared! Be very scared!

All your bases are belong to me!

Ah 9 said...


Jay "Agent-J" Walk said...

Ah 9: For your benefit, I have written a Supplement explaining what this is all about.

You are welcome to join in the yarn spining.

frenie said...


creative post.

poor km has been used in the pics.

but nvm him.

KingMeng said...

-_-" OEI WHAT NVM ME??? U DIE!!!

After I get out from jail. I'm swearing off fisherman's friends liao.

Zhe Bin said...

Wah why everybody also like that liao ah?!

Ang Ku Kueh said...


ay....i waited 15 sec liao...


eh....send to my home better...hehehhe...

ah 9:

sorli siah, I did say this entry might be 'unreadable'. :)


ooohh...finally somebody laughed....heng ah...heheheh


hahaha...hiya!!! sorry I used ur pic..I took it wholesale from J, hahahah, who took it from nad...*shifting blame liao* ...


hahaha...sorry sorry...cannot help myself from putiing this entry...hahah....especially J's Tattoo...he had me resize it...haiz...

nadnut said...


i have updated on my end. the mission has been renamed 'The Termination of J's nuts'.

Ang Ku Kueh said...

nad: to terminate? Slash or Stomp?

nadnut said...

agent akk> we must act fast. we shall use ur superbread to hit him where it hurts the most.

the nuts.

barneysaurus said...

You people scare me sia :P!

Ang Ku Kueh said...

nad and barney: