Friday, November 25, 2005

Letter to My Tih-Kong---sense meme no. 1- Feel/Touch

(short post to Barney and Li-er's meme on the 5 senses to and you shall know I'm ranting and talking much about nothing....still very busy now, will be more diligent in the near future...haiz...drowning drowning!!)

Hi all!

If I keep this up, I shall lose my coverted title of Madam Long-Windedness soon. Meaning this is again another short post. Meaning that I'm still in the Red and struggling to earn enuff money to spend them all. Meaning that i'm underpaid but am truly appreciated as a highly efficient employee (Hah!). Meaning also that I'm doing Sai-Kang (Chuikueh don't learn!) for not just Prof XXX and YYY, but also from AAA to ZZZ.

In short, meaning I'm working my orange-peel ass off down here trying to cover a lot other pinched, wrinkly, taut (haha...don't think so), pink, scarred, cellulite, smooth, moisturized etc asses.

Ahem...not that I've SEEN their asses...but they have asses nevertheless.

But since my own jobscope actually contains the Mountain and Sea Coverage Clause -no. 1296- employee to pao suah, pao hai when duty calls, notwithstanding hail, sleet, fire, nuclear war, terrorism or any other known forms of natural disasters - So I cannot comprain bitterly....

I can only comprain.

Anyways, i digress....

(Hmmm....i guess I won't be losing my title after all....)

Let's talk about the weather.

Yup, that small-talk topic. I not only wanna talk about it, I wanna comprain about it! In fact, I wanna blast my dissatisfaction all the way up to my Tih-Kong. In case u guys don't know, although I'm Buddhist to my Kuan-Yin, I'm also half-taoist. I've got a lot of dieties passed down from my late great-granny, who actually doesn't eat beef and is vegetarian on some days.


Another aside: (Haiz! I tot it would be a short entry!)--I think you can tell from here that i generally have a pretty heck-care attitude to observing the proprieties of my religion/teachings but before anyone comprains hor---

Yes i eat Beef! I Love Beef! and I also eat Veggies! I Love Broccoli!

But I never, will never ever! substitute my Broccoli for my Beef and pretend my Broccoli is Beef!

And in fact, if i ever eat mock meat to substitute real Red Blood Cells and Muscle tissues, it's because that vegetarian stall had the shortest Q.

I also consider that once ppl have discovered the secret to make tofu taste like real steak, Doomsday is ard the corner! U hear?! Got comprain?! Lai ah! I fight!


Back to the weather report....

Address- The West Sky, 20,000 feet and beyond.

Dear Tih-Kong,

Hi and How are you, Sir?

Everyday I wake up at shut off my alarm becos the sky is still dark....then go back to sleep. Then I wake up again at 7.30am to pulverise the said clock because it's still too dark to find my glasses and the hammer was closer. By 8am, I woke up because of guilt that I scratched my hammerhead, and found out that i'm already very late for work...

but Sir, why is the sky still so Orh-Lu-Lu?! I had forsaken my clock to be awaken by the glory of sunshine flooding my bedroom. I position my bed to face the window so that Tai-yang-sen can come toast my feet by 7am to really Really wake me up. But now, everytime i open my eyes, it's all so dark and rainy and grey!

My poor cracked toes shiver in the cold....

Now everytime I go to work, I feel as grey and black as the sky, it's all so depressing. Somemore I got slight night-blindness, so I've been banging pillars again, Tih-Kong, and it hurts.

Pls Tih-Kong, ask Tai-yang-sen to come grill my willies again leh. Bring him to task for not doing his job properly. I really need the sun. My skin now so pale, and I'm under-nourished in the Vitamin D department. even smiling now also zaps my energy...I know i got high fat content, Sir, but I really rather sweat.

It's making my colleagues snort to see me jiggle shiver. They use to give me a 10m radius for the smell but now they think I'm hiding a U-Zap under my blouse and have been making snide remarks to me at a distance of 3m....

They are getting too close for comfort....

Really very sorry to bother you with such a trivial matter, but really leh, so heng December got Christmas hor, but all the Lights in Orchard shall not be warmer or hotter than Tai-Yang-Sen's gaze on me...

Thank you for your time and patience. I shall look forward to waking up with tanned feet again.

Yours shiveringly,


What crap i write....oh well, till next time!

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

For a Good Cause

Hi all!

If you are like me, then you'll be quite utterly clueless about this 'Run For Funds' ding-dingerty. Jaywalk first told me about this RunForFunds a few months back. And it was only quite recently that I went to the website again, both the old and new one. I thought Adrian's 'humble' start was quite hilarious, hence begun my actual start and interest to looking at it more closely. So while I cannot say the same of everyone else, I have the gist of it here. Of cos, pls visit the site for the whole story.

In the Beginning....

Adrian Lee started out as a pudgy schoolkid whose PE teachers found easier to roll along for the compulsory 2.4km run than to let him do it standing up.

Throughout his teens to Uni Life, he tried to zhao jogging in NS whenever he could, did his exercise by head-banging during Uni concerts and sweated a serious amount via toggling his joystick buttons playing video games.

A change in Life happened one fateful day when he went down with bad cramps after lasting 5 min on the soccer pitch. From then on, he made a vow to change his lifestyle forever.

Hence, he started running and has not looked back since. He ran his first 2km without stopping and won an old lady by tripping her at the finish line...then 10km at the London Road Race beating another Old lady....then 21km at the Standard Chartered 1/2 marathon, seriously looking out for any scheming female senior citizens....

He crossed the finish line, crying tears of ...pain.....

Now.....Why not Run For a Cause...?

Adrian has not stopped there. Amid all the feet pounding, friends, families and well-wishers cheered and spurred him on to complete the Singapore Marathon on 7th Dec 2003. A total of $13, 682 was raised for his efforts, which were later used to assist under-priviledged kids in Geylang Community.

And so the Run-For-Funds was born. Adrian now has a bunch of Superfriends whom are training hell-bent to compete with their own mental state come the Next Singapore Marathon on the 4th Dec 2005 for a great cause. This time round, 15+ Superfriends like Adrian shall be running for Funds to aid charitable and educational causes in the Geylang Community.

Excerpt from the RunForFunds:

RFF 2005 Target

No of Superfriends: 15+ (numbers to be finalised as those who are not well prepared are encouraged not to run)

Total distance covered: 350km

Total funds raised: S$40,000

Your contributions this year will go into pocket money and "Maximise your potential" programme in more schools in Singapore. (These programmes have been highly successful in helping the needy).

I'm also hoping to use RFF as a vehicle to fund improvements in the living conditions of the old, sick and destitute, as well as children's homes like Chen Su Lan @ Serangoon Gardens.

So essentially, this entry is all about publicity. Rather like the Virtual Insanity Halloween Party, which is also for a good cause. These Superfriends are training to run as far as they could, since contributions are pledges of money for every kilometer ran. *sweat*

The further, the better, the merrier, but also harder, more daunting and of cos, more painful.

Sadly, RunForFunds is essentially not a registered charitable organisation, hence there is little creditability and little exposure in the public. RunForFunds thus made a point to be absolutely transparent with the contributions.

On the other hand, NKF sure is registered and is now widely exposed for all the wrong things.

So to all and sundry that is reading this entry. If you like what Adrian and his Superfriends are doing and would like to support them this way in their RunForFunds, pls drop an email to or visit his website.

Also, a little help does go a long way. If you can, help spread the word on their upcoming event to others so that more ppl can know about Adrian and his Superfriends. :)

To all who have read this far even, I salute you for your kind attention!



Monday, November 21, 2005

The Hunt for Agent J *Edited*

*just for the fun of it and possibly unreadable...Haiz....for more info, pls read Operation Crimsom Cattle and As Usual, wuo man ban pai....Oh yah, pic to be included as soon as Hello is up....Choujidan...*

Special missive disseminated to all high-power command under the Audit Krimsom Kake Corp:

Dear All,

With deepest and utmost secrecy should this information be rendered among us at the AKK Corp. It has come to our attention that a well-known secret Organisation has been staging a stake-out for one of our most prized possession.

As you know, the purpose of our existence has been driven by the words of our fore-founders, the KuKuehKlan. The emergence of the international language of Communication has since progressed our organisation pass its Dialect Stone-age and out into the current playing field, but our motto shall live in its original entity forever.

Let us all stand and on our beating heart place our strong fist and recite thy motto.

‘Li si simi lang? Pai-lang?! Pai-lang wah hoot! Hia! Hia! Heee-iahh!’

KuKuehKlan has all along been true to it mission as the Guild of Assassins. Since the dawn of time, civilisations have risen and fell via the death of single king or twin-brother princeling.

Do we not remember that the Great War of Yoodelland did not occur because the Eunuch Gnu choked on the fishbone we have planted in his beef casserole and failed to induce the Na├»ve Queen LanFaFa to wage war under his ‘finger’ ministrations in the year of the Leaping Lizard?

Or that the Bone Bridge of a Million Deaths was not built by the insane King Kablahblah because he tripped over a Ripe Banana Skin into His own Tar Pit full of feathers in the year of the Skinless Cat?

Did we not remember that the Month-Long-RedBull-Torture was so professionally and agonisingly carried out to a perfect completion in the Year of the Crowing Chicken?

Did we not remember our most prized possession (OMPP), our Freelance Mercenary, Nado-Nuto-San, is responsible or all these accomplishments?

Our Most Prized Possession (OMPP)

And Yet, OMPP is now in trouble. We have garnered information that OMPP’s greatest weakness has been tested to its limits. A PL has successfully tempted the most accomplished mercenary of our time to detract from her current stint in a Local School XXX to sniff out Racist Bloggers over a cache of HK Redbull slated to arrive in mid Dec.

Yes all, we gasp at the audacity of the PL (Pai-Lang lah!). He has been found to be that particularly atas-flying Secret Agent J who disregards traffic rules, especially the use of overhead bridges. Dear all, this double agent has been in a few atas-flying operations himself, namely the Operation Burgundy Buffalo 1, 2 and apparently now has set his eyes on OMPP for the purpose of extracting blogging materials for the instalment of Operation Crimsom Cattle. This atrocious act has to be stopped before Nado-nuto-san succumbs to his sweet-talking and jaywalking ways and starts to cross roads when the Red Man is On. Also imagine the amount of money spent on her rehab over her Vodka-Redbull addiction Again should she ever put to her lips the temptation of Agent J’s Bull.

…….RedBull….typo there…

It is therefore our duty to root out this Traffic Offender from the Land of Recycled Oil for Frying Mee. He is a worthy opponent to have seen through Nado-Nuto-san’s Gingerbread Man disguise.

unrecognisable or what?

Thankfully, the ‘plain’ clothes dept have successfully foiled his attempts to kidnap her by placing a Stunt Double.

Can you spot the stunt double?

Unfortunately, our stunt double is now behind bars because Agent J, in a fit of revenge, force-fed our man with Fisherman’s Friend and made him fail his breathalyzer test at a police checkpoint. Haiz…..

Mid Dec will see our plan set to motion to tail and investigate PL/Traffic Offender/Agent J when he plans to return to Fried Rice Paradise. Our Mole shall be Agent Deek, his personal Friend and Assistant, who has since Gone over to the Liang Jing Jing Side (Ours). Our own men shall recognise him by the Copy of Maxim’s Blogger’s Edition that he carries, which he will pass over to J. Unbeknowst to Agent J (Orh-Lu-Lu Side), the copy has been bugged by none other than our reclusive Great Leader, AKK, founder of the KuKuehKlan and Special Secret Secret Double Double Agent of various organisations. It is rumoured that she has a finger in every pie and somewhere else…….

She has therefore many fingers…..

The mission: Our Reclusive Leader shall emerge from her Tertiary Monastery to consort with Agent J. They shall go lim kopi and RelAKK One Corner, which is AKKSpeak for a Tea Spot in HV or else an Atas Place of Booze and Ear-Splitting Music (we forgot which actually…). She shall stop Agent J from handing the precious stash of Redbull over to Nuto-san, induce him to read the Maxim when he does his Smoking Sandwich (Listerine strip-Menthol-listerine strip). He shall then inhale too much over the lovely bikinis on display and sputter. AKK will then practice our motto using her Million-Finger Power-Hold, take the edition back and collect his saliva for DNA and powder for fingerprint ala CSI.

With his DNA and print code, we shall infiltrate his own Enterprise, take over the world and fill it with steel-enforced Wooden Bedframes and Energiser Bunnies*…. Nado-Nuto-San, our Queen of disguises, has been hard at work training herself to replace Agent J, however, Agent J’s unique tattoo has been impossible to create using normal cosmetics.

Agent J's tattoo....impossible to forge... Due to graphic nature, pic has been resized to calm down crying toddlers...

Nado-nuto-San is still currently stuck in her Cow Suit.

Stuck for the moment...note the hands...

The sensitivity of this missive cannot be reinforced more strongly. Pls Self-destruct upon reading….

If you have not done the above-mentioned…I applaud you for your intelligence.

However, you loyalty to the Organisation has been questioned.

You are now under Deep Suspicion and Investigation.


AKK Corp.

*Euphemism for Hunks….don’t ask….

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Hi all! Time for Commercials!

Hiya hiya!!!

Just a super short nmote to tell you guys I shall be away from blogging for a while. I felt so bad for making you finger-click on my blog for nothing.

very busy with lotsa stuff right fact, almost pleading exhaustion in some cases (but not in the why that i wanted...ahem), anyhow, u guys take good care of yourself!

drink lotsa water and I'm reading you, even if I din comment...haiz...that busy...

C u in perhaps another 1.5-2 weeks!!!


Friday, November 04, 2005

Chui Kueh’s disappearance...

Hi all!

Zhebin made a comment in the last post saying, 'How come Chui Kueh so long never update liao?'

Wally also accused me of the same thing, so I decided to put here a short explanation.

For all those who are not familiar, Chui Kueh has been a new addition to the kueh family of Bloggers since er....Aug? He is fair, usually steamy-looking and is soft to the touch. He also comes with chai por and chilli with additional 20 cents. Very cheap.

Ocassionally he screams in his sleep. The fact that AKK is his own big sis is sufficient explanation for that phenomenone. And also becos he has not been the same since the 15 hearings of the JPB song while sitting strapped tightly to the chair.

Sacrifices have to be made for the Good of All (ie me).

I think it’s been a great while since Chui Kueh had his blog. Funny how his blog only got 3 entries, then he neber update liao? Many have wondered if Chui Kueh

a) Is really really AKK’s lil’ bro
b) Is Ang Ku Kueh’s own Alter Ego
c) Is A figment of your imagination

Actually, Chui Kueh is currently unavailable right now, cos his big sis hacked into his blog when he was out playing basketball and changed his blog password ala-Xx-style.

No really, I changed it since he having his O levels now. It was a prank on my part since he openly asked me for a suitable password that's easy to remember. Not that he minded anyway, he hasn’t been online for a damn long time, not even to update on his own flesh-and-blood sister. He has also taken to sudden disappearances when I needed him to 'vet' my Baby-talk recordings.... He is now mugging in his own little private hell.......

You say: why I so mean? Becos I’ve been in the same bloody hell a few times, but mostly we call it the Study Room.

Like the many many Dieting Reality Shows, I’m forcing him away from the PC all for his own good. A good big Sis has to turn bad sometimes….

So on his behalf, with him over my shoulder reading every single word being typed out, after losing a battle over the keyboard, he wishes to say:

TMD….si cheh cheh….. Thanks to all who misses me. Now is time for commercial breaks. Shakespeare may be a sadist but Hitler is KNN super dua-pai-lang. Cheena only good when watching Xiao S in Ta1Wan variety. Bio only good for watching CSI and playing Mortal Kombat. Geography text is best when used as toilet paper. Pi is only good when it can be eaten. Chemistry good for making fart smells. Physics only good for swinging stoopid goh-lis in the air. Pls swing some other balls.

I think I love cheh becos she took the internet away for my own good. Yes, I also want to live longer.

That’s all. Back to Main menu.

Hmmm.....Weird, ay?

Never mind, 3 more weeks and I promise to release him his password back into bloggerdom....

In the meantime, i also preventing my own workload from fighting back ( Down boy! Down!!!)....


AKK :)
Barney and li-er must wait for the 5 senses entry hor...sorli sorli....Akan Datang. :)