Tuesday, December 27, 2005

Chronicles of A....vol 3 : The day of tears……


Hi all!

I have been remiss in my duties. The barrage of festivities have made me extremely busy, but I ain’t complaining. For once in my life, I can honestly say that I’m actually playing more than I’m working/studying.


Now I’m writing this entry in the comforts of my own home, watching TV and enjoying a wireless connection. I’m so freaking lucky. The day is sunny, windy and I’m on leave! The day cannot go better.


But as usual, I digress. Much have happened and much as I would like to blog about them all, I couldn’t. I wanted to express my happiness and joy meeting the many friends during the last 2 weeks. Thanks goes out to J, Nad, Deek, Vanna, Jaschoc, Meepok, Hitomi, Kelawar. I also had the pleasure of my dear friends who came over to my place, our traditional X’mas celebrations have come a long way, guys! Over and over, I hope it never ends….


On the other hand, something did end. The topic of today’s blog involved somebody I loved, whom I didn’t know I loved till the last moment. Sure I knew I liked him, I’m sure I knew I would like to spend an inordinate amount of time by his side.


But dun tell me about Love. Love is overrated. Love doesn’t put food on the table, nor does it prevent 2 otherwise loving people from quarrelling and hurting each other. Love is infatuation, puppy love, a feeling that never comes when u wish for it and always refuses to go when you are dying from it.


Melodramatic ay? Yup, pls tell that to the Qiong-yao serial readers. The last time what I tot I felt was love was actually only a crush.




Now….



Oh well…..




In any case, I shall try to be as honest as I can be here under the circumstances.



Suffice
to say: A and I had a disagreement, we had a quarrel. It was small enough to be trivial but big enough to be destructive.


Suffice
to say: I cried. It’s not something I’m proud of. Other than reading lomance and watching lomantic movies, I hardly ever let tears fall, being usually too sensible to risk blinding my eyes with gallons of salt and having my nose stuck 10 miles long with wet tissues.


But when I cry, I bawl. Yeah, I can do the kung-fu equivalent of the Ru-Lai-Fuo-Zhang (Buddha's Palm). There is nothing delicate about me when I tear up. It’s all salt, water, mucus and a one-half box of Kleenex’s finest 3-ply.


Which was why A was so utterly bewildered and horrified. His little dirty-minded, nonya confectionery was turning extra gooey and runny, something he’d not witnessed before. His past gfs were the softly-tearing shu-nu sort. I should know, I knew them personally and have actually been witness to their delicately wet eyelashes. They cry like pageant queens and lousy beautiful actresses. They always end up looking more ethereal in the aftermath, proving once again that I shall never find out why in hell A sees in me, other than the fact that I’m not suicidal and light doesn’t project out the left side when u shine a torch into my right ear.


I swear he must have trying to find out the same thing that day too.


In any case, the quarrel ended with sorrys exchanged but needless to say, it was unresolved. I went to work with swollen eyes and feeling all out of sorts. Getting distracted at work only made me more cranky and unhappy….I even teared up again in my dad’s car and made him extra nervous with the taxis.


It was a thoroughly bad day for me, is the 21st of December.


So when the gauntlet came, it was totally unexpected. I was home alone and watching TV when A came over in the evening.




‘We need to talk.’ He said.



Oh no. My heart shrunk a bit, I think, judging by that squeezing tightness of my chest.


‘Dear’ He sighed. ‘I really do appreciate the time we have together, our friendship. Everything about us, it was wonderful. I never felt so comfortable with anyone before.'


I stared at him blankly through my panda eyes. He thinks I’m stupid. I used these same words on my ex-BF when I dumped him too. Almost word for word.


But, I thought, you'd say 'but'. There’s always a ‘but’.


‘But.’ There it is. Ha. Now, he thinks I’m an idiot. Oldest trick in the book, boy, to spring your surprise after worthless statements of hope. My eyes narrowed.



But,’ he continued gravely. ‘It’s not enough for me.’


This is Karma, surely! Kuan Yin is punishing me by using cruel irony. The speech might have been scripted by me 5 years ago….Salvage it, you fool! Take control of the conversation. I force open my pinched mouth, all contrite and afraid.



‘Look. If this is about yesterday, I said I was sorry. It’s not a big deal. Couples quarrel, that always happens. You can’t expect everything to always turn out sparkly and spanking clean.’


His eyes glazed. But I put my palms on the side of his face for emphasis and forced him to stare at me.


‘Nothing’s perfect. We aren’t perfect for each other. Nobody is. We have to work at it. Together. Isn’t that what we wanted? Isn’t that why we are together? What else do you need?’


A shifted uncomfortably and my heart, just now shrunken like a cherry pit, now dropped like a thousand pound dumbbell. He’s not listening nor responding.


I dropped my hands. I mused that I can hear the security locks tightening around my heart for an eventual rejection. It’s another re-run 5 years hence. Like a connoisseur, I recognized the signs and appreciated the moment, the body’s self-defense kicks in, poised for bad news.


I shall not be made to feel unwanted again. I’m strong. Of cos I can take it, I’m not born a shrinking violet. So there.


But the tears. Like brats, they run away from the whip of my eyelids. I couldn’t stop them. Idiot, I scold myself, when I see him back up again at my reaction. Where’s the iron girl he's always admired?


He left the sofa and I watched him go to the side table where he always puts his valuables. He’s going to leave. He's going totake his things and walk out.


Then he turned back and he held in his hands, a box of tissue and a package. Slowly, reverently, he pulled out a piece and passed them over my brimming eyes.


‘Don’t cry. I hate to see you cry.’ Which only made me cry all the more. Pathethic, sniveling flop that I am. He cannot see, but I love him to Bits. I didn't know last time but I knew it that instant. I do. Love him. And he says it's not enough.


‘Then don’t watch lah. Go. Leave.’ What bravado. I am amazed at myself.


He looked back curiously.


‘Leave? Why should I leave? And for that matter, why are you crying?’


I flared up like a smashed Molotof Cocktail.


Because! You think it’s not enough, we’re not enough, it’s not good enough! You want more! Don’t have to say it! I know it! You want out. That’s why! So go!’


To my horror, I started hiccupping again. I put my burning wet face into my hands.



‘Just go lah. Leave me in peace.’


He sighed. And retaliated.



‘Sometimes you are just so drama. You think you’re sensible and practical, but you aren’t. You sing like Elmo, then sometimes you sing like a Pro. You even cry like a water-hose. Half the time, I don’t even understand what’s going on inside your little head.’


He took my hand and slowly force open my wet palm and placed a round velvet ball in my hand.


‘I don’t know what you are trying to achieve by coming all teary over me. If it was about yesterday, it’s already over. Didn’t we say sorry together?’


I fingered the red velvet unconsciously while he continued scolding. I realized what had started out as a sigh from him was actually an enormous temper threatening to erupt.


‘It wasn’t enough. Of cos it wasn’t enough. We are damn good friends for longer than 5 years, don’t you know me or who I am? Think, will you?! Think!



There was more to the outburst but I wasn’t listening.


I was staring at the red hard ball in my hand.


It had hinges.


My eyes grew wide.


Then just as fast as he started the tirade, he stopped and plucked the ball from my fingers and with the other arm, he wound it around me to bring me right up against him on the sofa. Then as fast as his temper came, it went swiftly and was replaced with a slow smile. He gave a quick hug and said, ‘No matter. That is over and done with. In fact, I have a surprise for you.’


And he opened it.


‘Funny how you actually said ‘sparkly’ just now. I thought you already knew.’


Nestled in the white cushions was a ‘sparkly’ starburst. I was struck speechless.


‘Now, I know we just quarreled yesterday but it’s a trivial thing. We’re good friends, dear, we always find a way to work it out. As for this, I went and got it today for Christmas, but once I had it, I couldn’t wait...... Oy. Hello?....Oy!’


He headbutted me to get my attention.


Dumbly, I looked up from the ring. It was all too bewildering. One minute I thought it’s over, the next….




‘Will you marry me?’




'I....we.....' I was incoherent. My mind, being geared for a painful withdrawal, wasn't prepared for a sudden 180 turnabout.



Then what should happen but that the faucet started turning again


A did another double-take when I grabbed his shirt to my face and wailed mercilessly into his polo-tee.



‘Wah lau! Don’t you ever stop crying? Damn, where’s the tissue?’



And amid his frantic rush for a 3-ply Kleenex, I gave the most fearsome bawl I’ve ever had onto his chest. Ring all but forgotten on the coffee table.


It was a weirdest feeling. The sensation of crying due to sheer joy.






Yes. I’ll marry you.

Yes. I love you.

Thank you. For loving me back.

Thank you. For everything.



Out!

AKK:) *no more tears*

73 comments:

Jay "You made it!" Walk said...

Awwwwww........... *ants around the toilet bowl*

Word of the wise:

"Salty Tears Make Iron Girl Rusty".

JellyGirl said...

Eeeee congratulations! And here I was expecting a story of woe, with your very misleading start. You did that on purpose, didn't you?! But all the same, I'm so happy for you. :)

Winter said...

u make me feel like crying now.. i am so happy for u...

it's great to see you.. see u around soon :)

Ang Ku Kueh said...

gosh, you guys are fast. i just loaded.

jay:

okok...stop crying liao lah. no rusting.

jellygirl:

I know! sorry siah! i was trying to blog as it happens. hehehe, I know it had a misleading start, I was utterly misled myself too. I think A is to blame.... *nod nod*...ahem.:) thanks.:)

winter:

muahahah...see J's comments...don't rust siah...:)

stars_of_rain said...

AHHHHHH!!!


Congrats!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


I'm so happy for you!!! *wipes tears*

Zhe Bin said...

This is really very happy news! My lips formed a smile at the end of your entry lor. I feel genuinely happy for you! Congrats!

hitomi said...

Wah, *Congratulations!!!*

Oi, Jay, you turn diabetic?

Tempest Blue said...

*speechless*








well...almost speechless. That was so beautiful. Congrats to both you and A!! Very happy for u!

nadnut said...

muahahahaha.

i said congrats then.

here's more congrats!!!!!!!

MUACKZ!

Jaschocolate said...

Oh my god.. the ending is better than i have expected.. CONGRATULATION!!

Btw, when's the wedding? :p

Lynne said...

Wahhh, hurray!! Gong xi, gong xi, gong xi ni! Oops, that's for CNY, but just as joyous lah, right??? Congrats gal!! Start planning your beach/Las Vegas/Venice wedding liao!

lakeside girl said...

Absolutely amazing. =) That's lomance for you. Hope you have a blessed future wedding!

MQube said...

almost like a fairy tale...it's so sweet when a friendship blossoms into love, companionship and partnership

congrats on finding and keeping a soul mate!

Li-er said...

Congratulations!!! And don't you go wailing like a crazy woman on your big day ok?? When's the big day? I'm so happy for you... *dabs eyes* and then *blow nose* Hahaa...

Muses of A Trivial Traveller said...

Hi AKK,
I've been reading your blog for a while now....Congratulations and wish you an eternal life of happiness with hubby to be!! Happy for u!

Jay "Sniffle" Walk said...

hitomi: Oy! Dounch anyhow curse me leh!

Grr.....

Akk: I think your dad will sure cry at your wedding. Or at the very least eyes red red. Lun the tears until damn kang kor one.

I know I would when that day come for my little Faith to marry the love of her life. Haiz... sentimental fools, we are.

Jaslyn said...

Omg! Its so touching! So happy for u!!! Altho we duno each other well, but.. we've met and I'm happy for u!!

When's gonna be ur big day? Ehh.. Do some advertising here ah.. Hahaha... My bf's a wedding photographer! hahaaa...

Congrats! Congrats! Omg! A woman's happiest moment!!!

barneysaurus said...

OMIGOD :D!!!! *Speechless* :P CONGRATULATIONS LAH :D!

You are going to have to repeat your love stories later lor :)....

A is powerful :D!

Woof! said...

congrats! kick-ass anti-climax.. heh..

Jaschocolate said...

Jay Daddy, it will be ages before your Faith is legal to marry without your consent, so dont go sentimental so soon hor.. Mushy mushy..

Acey Deucey said...

Heartiest congrats.

It is not everyday that someone blogs about a marriage proposal.

Anonymous said...

Congrats - from a random reader!

Am happy for ya...

Ang Ku Kueh said...

stars:

kam siah.:)

zhebin:

u only smile in this entry? hahaha....okok. as for your blog, it is the same with me. I'm also genuinely happy/sad/angry over the stuff you wrote. This is from 1 writer to another. you write damn well and i like reading you.:)

hitomi:

thank you. hehehehe....he must have drank too much alcohol.

tempest:

thank you. was it so unexpcted? heheheh...okok, i'm being stupid now. i'm still reeling actually.

nad:

as always lor! u so sweet! ehehe...thankee thankee!!!:)

choccolove:

thanks! as for the wedding....hmmm...more blogs? hahahaha....oh geez...i'm going the way of Barffie liao...


lynne:

Hoiya! thanks for the well-wishing, gal! after seeing ur white x'mas, i so gian lor!heheheh...perhaps honeymoon?!! hahah...thinking too far liao.:)


green apple:

hey, thanks a lot! stuff of lomance huh? i guess in my eyes lah, hahaha...

Ang Ku Kueh said...

mqube:

ya, I shall try my best to treasure this. he shall be my best fren and lover.:) I cannot think of a better combi.:)

li-er:

hahahah...even ur comments is funny! I TRY not to wail on the big day but i think by then, i shall be quite immune to this floating feeling now, hahahah...thanks thanks!

muses:

thanks! eternal life of happiness...wahhhh....

jay:

oh dear...are u projecting the future and sniffing over the image of Faith in a wedding gown already? muahaha...relac relac...still long to go...like another er...18 yrs? i'm sure my papa will be dry-eyed, hahaha...:)

jas:

oh ho! so you found out? Grr...Jay! thanks so much for the advert too! i'll remember! :)

barney:

muahahah...ya hor....repeat to you, hahaha....die, I better print out the entry, hahaha...

woof:

hahahah....ya hor....damn frustrating ending...u must have been so geared for something else, I was too! heheheh......

chocco:

yes lor, pls tell him not to worry, hahaha...

acey:

perhaps the married bloggers should start! how about a meme? hehehe...it'll be nice to know! :)

anon:

thank you for the congrats and thanks for reading me. :)

Adrenaline said...

oh my gawd!!! i wasn't expecting that!!! hahahaha ....

congrats!! gonna grill u tonite ... heeeee

ene said...

OMG. Reading your entry actually brought tears to my eyes. It's my first time popping into your blog (because my bf forwarded it to me) and yes, it made me tear. And like you, I don't tear v often.

Congratulations AKK - whoever you are. Have fun on the journey ahead !

Anonymous said...

Awwwwwwwwwwwww... ... soooooo swwwhhhhheeet... ... ;D

Anonymous said...

AKK, must post up your wedding photos on your blog!!! So that we can see the bootiful bride and hamsem groom. =D

emily said...

wahahah!! i'm so happy for u!! hee, i guessed halfway thru thou :P

been reading for a while n i'm damn happy for u. was smiling a smile behind my hand but burst out laughin at "‘Wah lau! Don’t you ever stop crying? Damn, where’s the tissue?’"

u had better use waterproof make up on your big day or else....

THE SLY ONE said...

Hi AKK,

congrats!!!... it was so sweet.

Ang Ku Kueh said...

adrienne:

muahaha....shall I wear the ring?hahaha...nothing much, but nad has made me promise liao.:)

ene:

wah...kam siah kam siah. thanks for reading siah! :)

anon:

awww....i also think soooo....hahaha...

anon:

wah lau! beauty and the beast leh! muahaha...guess who's the beast siah.

emily:

aiyo...hahaha...i also think that part was quite funny lor, hahaha...i wish he can clean the shirt properly, hahaha...

Ang Ku Kueh said...

the sly one:

kam siah kam siah!!!

Little Miss Drinkalot said...

Wow! Congratulations!

Mizore said...

Congratulations! Hope everything goes smoothly at the big wedding! If you should need help to film the event, my friend makes these professional looking DVDs, with menu, box cover and everything for weddings. Let me know if you like to see her work ;)

PensiveTabby said...

WoW!

Congrats! So happy after reading this post of yours! :)

Be a pretty bride!

cuckoocake said...

congrats!!

so touching!!

*cries and floods singapore*

too lazy to log in.

baaahaaahaaahaaahaaaaaaaaaaa...

-giacinta said...

gosh, my heart felt like a rollercoaster as i read! congrats! very happy for u! =)))

Lynne said...

Then have wedding on a ski slope lah! Then can cuddle to the warm, warm fire, then can drink wine, then can ... Hehehehe

Kelly Chan said...

AKK! Congrats to you!

All I got was a miserable stone for Christmas cum Birthday cum Valentine from him! Sigh...

Ed Edd & Eddy said...

CONGRATULATIONS!

So lomantic...

daniellekris said...

Wow! Like your A had said, very drama! can tell that your darling loves you lots :)
Congrats! I'm sure both of you will make the best couple we can find.

JiEq| ^_^ said...

Congratulations!!! *throws confetti around*

*wide grin*

And I had thought what happened.

Xin said...

congrats! have a happy blissful life ahead! HAPPY NEW YEAR!

raymond chng kwang hwee said...

congrats...

i'm happy dat u've found d 1...
i made d mistake of not realizing how lucky i was in d past.
i hope i can haf d same happiness as u...

raymond chng

Zen|th said...

What a sweet story! Congratulations!

You know, in the first part of the story I thought I might have seen you on the bus home just the other day. I saw this woman who had red, slighly swollen eyes (most likely from crying) and she kept looking at her handphone. On the handphone, I saw that the wallpaper was a picture of her and her boyfriend.

Was that you? Hahaha.

Zhe Bin said...

Hahaha eh I not expecting you to 'return pleasantries' lah! I don't know how to say leh it's like, if any of my friends were to tell me they are getting married the way like you did (the twist here twist there and the rollercoaster ride emotions), I will seriously feel happy how things turn out one. Damn sweet!

Ang Ku Kueh said...

little miss drinkalot:
hihi! thanks for popping by! thanks! :)

mizore:
thanks for the tip siah. hehehe shall consider! :)

pensive tabby:

er...i try to be pretty! hahah...
*difficult siah*

cuckoocake:

no more tears, babe! heheh..:)


giacinta:

u know what? I also kena the feeling, muahaha...

lynne:

ooo....i know what u mean...haiz haiz...i need a bloody vacation right abt now. maybe put me on a desserted isle with him and i'd be happy anyway.


kelly:
er.... miserable stone as in stone pick from garden? or stone from Sookee/goldheart etc? hehehe...must confirm. very different, these 2 stones. if the latter, i'd say pwah! now only left proposal, hahahah...

edd:

hey hey!!! u haven't update! argh!!! eh....read above....ahem...koff...hahaha

danielle:

aiyo...best guy i can find lah, best couple too much, muahhaha...i not very 'best'. ahem.:)

jieqi:

me too! i tot the worst. oh well!

xin:

hahaha...thanks thanks.:)

raymond:

hmm...i shall heed ur advice and treasure him.:)

zenith:

wah lau...that girl so poor thing....u got give her tissue or not? she must be thinking desparaetly of tissue. i know such things....

zhebin:

chey, no one's style is exactly the same, but i like your entries, that's what i want to say. it's mutual!

Adrenaline said...

i was trying to look at ur finger last nite, but u didn't wear the ring eh?? either that or im a bat-in-training. hahah ....

AnGel said...

CONGRATS!! :D hahaha, i seriously tot tt it was goin to haf a sad endin then turns out tt it's the total opposite. once again, congrats!! :D

eileen said...

OH my freaking god!!!! Happy endings! *grabs a tissue* Im so happy for u! You've gotta tell us MORE! xD where's the meet-the-parents session?

Ang Ku Kueh said...

adrenaline:

Er....I brought the velvet ball,hehehe...cos the ring is an occupatonal hazard, I keep scratching things.:)

angel:

thanks thanks, I tot so too! hehehe...heng leh...:)

eileen:

er...meet the parents? actually we've been long time frens, I know his parents as he knew mine...er...meet the parents between the 2? ahem...dunno. :)

wally said...

erm.. wow.. very amazing.. congratulations!

and now.. since you're married, i'm sure there are plenty of bedroom tales.. :D

averilchan said...

WAH!!!!!!! -grabs you by shoulder-
Congratulations sweetie! -kiss you left and right-

Ivan Chew said...

You can submit this for Short Story of the Year! I'm serious. Oh, and congrats!

Pea said...

Have been a silent reader all these while but after reading this, I HAVE to comment!
CONGRATS!!! I'm so happy for you! Can't wait for the follow up entries!

Have a great 2006!

Derrick said...

wah lau almost like an exaggerated movie scene.. but yeah congrats =D

ivanny said...

WAHHH!!! congrats girl!!! im so happy for ya!

aiyo waste so much tissue leh!!! lol...
for a moment i was scared of what i would read at the back!!!
-wipes sweat off forehead-

Anonymous said...

Excuse me,
We demand to see ur engagement photos up here soon!!!!
-yoyo-

canni said...

brightest congrats^^

Ang Ku Kueh said...

wally:

is that all you can think of? ahem....(actually, so am I...)

averil:

pwah! chio bu kiss! kiss back L/R. who jealous now, come forward, muahahah...

Ivan:

nah nah...small small thingy, nothing much. thanks for the congrats!

pea:

kam siah! now silent no more, or back into the fog ah? hahah...thanks and happy 2006 to you too!


derrick:

er....you can be sure I'm the one making the drama, not him...haiz...*guilt*


Ivanny:

fun hor?!! muahhahaha....


yoyo:

excuse me! u tan gu gu! scarly beauty and the best u point wrongly!!! muahahah....


ayihs:

thank you. :)))

kachuaz said...

wah lau eh~

"ming tian wo yao jia gei ni la"

keke, congras~!

btw i was listening to waiting for you by hu yan bin, while reading your entry

so drama sia. haha

desperate addict said...

:) I thought this only happens in fairytales.

amelia said...

so sweet!
i almost thought it was just a story when my friend introduced this site.

congratulations ^^

soonkueh said...

really felt for you, congrats....
the tears of joy is worth much more...wishing you and A, great years ahead of you....

eagerly waiting for your post on Mini AKK....well, i know its early to ask for that. ;)

EricLai said...

congrats :)

YounG said...

Life time dream of Tai Tai fullfilled liao...

Cograts

Anonymous said...

Ang Ku Kueh..i am so proud and happy for u. u made everything sound so drama...but beautiful...and yes, its a reality.

i am waiting for the speical feeling too i guess...haha
but u will never know hw happy i felt for you.

*hugs with tears after reading ur touching and beautiful words*

Cim said...

This is the first time I am reading your blog.

But it's a wonderful story...

Congratulations, I hope you have a good life with him...

Avril said...

OMG OMG

I dunno who you are, and its my first time ere, but this bloody made ME cry...

Congratulations!!!! =)

Awesome story. Im sharing it, okay? =~)

leo said...

aiseh man.. buat drama saje.. congrats.. that's probably the most drama proposal i've ever heard / seen... more drama than CSI dude.. congrats! ahahahah!

jj said...

i dunno who you are too
read the story from avril's site!

CONGRATS

& good way of posting it.man i love this story!

Ang Ku Kueh said...

kachuaz:

hahaha...jia kei wo!!! okie okie...thanks! :)

desparate addict:

a lot of ppl think so also actually.

amelia:

hehe...thanks...it is a story, my story.:) the drama is just me lah. I tend to be more haywire.

soonkueh:

hey! long time no see! mini-akk? er....

ericlai:

kam siah!

young:

long time no see! yes, tai-tai dream still viable! :) now mission is to get in shape!

anon:

hey hey...u someone I know? I hope the best of love for u, even better than I've got. don't fret! if it happens to me, it can definitely happen to you.:)

cim:

thanks!

avril:

hey, another Avril, but diff spelling. glad u like it and thanks!

leo:

u watch CSI??!! yeah! another fan! excuse me! how can be more drama than CSI! haiyoooo!!! hantam you ah!!! nothing is better than CSI (except CSI Miami), hahahahah...

jj:

ni hao! glad u like the enrty! :)

Anonymous said...

omg omg omg omg

CONGRATS!!!!!!!!!!

i AM SO SLOW TO READ THIS.

:D:D:D:D::D:D:D:D

frenie