Tuesday, May 31, 2005

To Dear Anonymous....

hi all!

When I first started writing about my 1st relationship with a guy whom I had a crush on for 3 years, I was writing a story that is already old. Old, as in that the feelings I've spent, wasted and nurtured over it have gone under the bed already and not likely to come out and haunt me again. In a way, when i finished it, i had a sense of closure, of a loose end being tied. I know it for what it was - peace. :)

While i wrote mostly for myself, I sincerely and humbly thank all who cared enough with this issue to comment. it is surely not the most tragic of love stories, nor the most happy of endings. In fact, I believe that most of us have actually experienced this event, or hear someone's friend of a friend of a friend suffered the same thing. Yup, this type of story is pretty cliche`d and can actually be found in many romantic movies.

On the other hand, I got some readers who are feeling indigant for me, especially 1 anonymous reader who actually commented to my comments on his comments in the Comments.

Wonderful! I thought, now this is someone who actually comes back round for a reply! usually I'll just comment on a blog entry and forget about it, but this reader I wanna keep!

On the other hand, I don’t actually know if its all from 1 anonymous person who wrote both or actually 2 different anonymouses, so I am writing this for Anonymous, who represents the masses that flit through my blog (whom i never knew about)this entry is for YOU:

At 11:18 PM, May 29, 2005, Anonymous said...
While reading this entry, i can't help to wonder why some ppl are always so irresponsible? He is a real idiot if he does not know u treat him more than a best fren. Why can't he has the guts to trash thing out?

At 9:47 PM, May 30, 2005, Ang Ku Kueh said...
thanks for dropping a note. to answer your question: he was irresponsible, he knew I liked him but he wanted the frenship and yup, he did not have the guts. So basically, everything I do myself lah.

but he's changed now, I guess, can't be too sure. it's all back when we were all pretty young, early 20s...

At 10:18 PM, May 30, 2005, Anonymous said...
I dun see why u should put all blame on urself. There is nothing wrong to love somebody, and it is reasonable to expect the other party to response to it. At least have the courtesy to make ur stand clear, rather than being an asshole that always take but never give. Tell him tat he has no balls!

oh Anonymous, you are such a gem! I especially love the part about him having 'no balls'. Much as I like to say that he doesn't have any, he actually has lah, otherwise my Maths fail or I cannot recognise what a 'round 3D object, might bounce' is. You sound a friend of mine ...hmmm...

But that's not important. What's important is that I always reply to comments. Not only does it 'up' my comments numbers to make ppl think my blog is visited more frequently (which is actually true, becos i visit my own blog very very often, but then again, not bloody counted), but I feel that everyone deserves to have a reply back, whether they come back to read or not.

So here's my reply to you Anon (that's a good name),

At 12.29 AM, May 31, 2005, Ang Ku Kueh said...

u know hor, if we're going to have a conversation, you'll do wonders for the comments counter leh, eheehe...

But seriously, I can't say he's a coward. maybe he started out being one, not being resolute enough to say that our relationship is headed for disaster. But really, at the time of the break-up, I never ever blamed it all on myself. I know we both contributed to it. He was a bad ass, i admit, but not yet a 'hole'. I also very dumb, keep giving and never asked much in return. So to a young guy, he pretty much thought he's doing ok. But when it was over, he was pretty fraught with guilt and regret and he admitted it freely.

We all live and learn, you know, but few of us seldom walk back to our past and ask for forgiveness from the ones we hurt. He is one of those ppl. After leaving the country, he gave a long-distance call one night and asked for my forgiveness. Of cos, before that, he talked about life over in London and we chatted about his room-mate and how he like this girl or something, then out of the blue, he told me frankly,

'I'm sorry that it wasn't as good while it lasts for you than it was for me. I want you to know that Our relationship was the Best time of My Life, and I'm truly sorry that it was built on the worse of yours.'

There I was, thinking that he did learnt something from Law school…. That was singularly the most poetic thing ever said to me. I also happen to think that it True, so I said 'thank you' because he acknowledged the pain I went through and did not try, like some ppl, to glance off the blow of having to bear the brunt of a relationship gone wrong. That's a big deal, coming from the fact that we came from the same school and knew each other's friends.

I think that took balls, don't you?

Anyways, while I bet that he treats his current GF with more respect and love now than ever, I probably spoilt him for other women because seriously, he's not going to find another person like me anymore. That, also, made me a bit happy, although I shouldn't be.

Yups! I guess I've answered the question pretty OK. Anything, pls comment! Oh and yes, ok to put your initials? then i won't feel as if I'm addressing the whole WWW.

Thanks to all who contributed to this entry and all others, I'd be a hypocrite if I say I write for only myself. A voice that on one hears does not make a sound. On this online journal, I write to be heard.


Anonymous said...

Dear AKK,

First thing first, both messages comes from the same person.

Secondly, would you mind provide ur email address so tat i can give a better reply? i search high and low for ur email add, but nowhere to be found.

Lastly, thanks for dedicating this entry to me. U make my day.


Ang Ku Kueh said...

Dear Anon,

this was the reason the entry was created! It's for you to pop in anytime and respond to your heart's content in this particular entry.

For reasons that you'll definitely understand, i cannot give personal emails, especially to non-bloggers because they cannot be tracked. also, I'm afraid of SPAM and all those rubbish if I post my email here.

in actual fact, I don't respond to my email all that much actually. I'm definitely more up to date here in my blog. If you don't mind, we can discuss it here instead? Afterall, the entry is really for this purpose, to divert traffic, so you don't have to comment anyway else.

And yes, can i have a name or initials to your anon? there's too many no-names around, not easy to identify if I'm talking to you or not. thanks so much

Anonymous said...

Dear AKK,

Well, i respect ur decision. But i would still prefer to communicate by email due to a personal reason. U can write to me to this address yumsf@hotmail.com.

I have to thank you again for tat dedicated entry. I appreciate tat.

However, sad to say, aft reading ur reply it still make me look down on that ballless asshole, even more.. If i were u, this is how i will feel:

So wat if u say sorry? Can the harm be undone? If u sincerely hope tat i can feel better, then do something to alleviate my pain, not jus saying "sorry". C'mon words are cheap, even if they come from the mouth of a law grad. U can saying anything u want.

And so why now then u apologize? Coz today u know a new gal, by asking 4 for my forgivness, u can f*** her w/o guilt, izzit? (hmm.., maybe the last comment is abit biased, but... i doubt he is so noble, hahaha...).

Well, i dunno wat u think. End of day i would think that ppl who only know how to apologize (regardless how elegant u say it), without doing anything to address the harm inflicted on other party is hypocrite. He is not worth it lah, dear.

I am surprised that u never asked why i post those comments. In case u r wondering, i suffered the same situation as u, but with a little twist. If u r interested to know, u can write to me coz i dun wish to discuss it in front of the whole world.

Btw, I was refered to ur blog by one of ur regular reader, and to protect the innocent,lol, i shall not reveal that person name.

YSF or Anon (btw i like this name)

Ang Ku Kueh said...


I believe my story to be the type that has been retold many times! I'm not the first and I won't be the last. OTOH, I welcome your story!

here's the email:
akkueh@gmail.com :)

Hisreason said...

I've finally got around to read your blog. Yes! Busy as a bee! Haha....

I really enjoyed that entry too.

Ang Ku Kueh said...


ya lor, so fateful. If it wasn't for that entry about first crush, I won't even know you're still around. Heng ah! :)