Wednesday, July 13, 2005

The Way of the Flutter-Flutter....

I was reading up on Jaywalk's mini-part series abt his tuition episodes...hear: mini-part series hor……and truly, this guy can really churn out stories lor! I was stuck with 4 new entries just becos I didn't visit during the weekend, so I was calmly reading each and everyone of them and commenting until my MSN 'dooot' me.



It was Jaywalk, who said gravely, ‘Someone has been busy checking up my blog....’


‘Oops! Caught in the act!’


‘Yah lor…my email kept pinging me, saying I got comments, got comments, got comments…’


‘Oopps…..hehehe…..paiseh ah! I try to visit more often’


This guy just wrote one everyday for the past 3/4 days! Bloody hell, I can take half a day to write one entry leh, like 3 to 6 hours each?


How does he do it?


Came the guru’s words:



‘Inspirations come all the time, have to catch them and quickly blog it down. Otherwise they fly away....’


‘Fly away?’


‘Yes…flutter flutter.....never to return....’



Wah lau....like doused with cold water....I dun want my inspiration to ‘flutter flutter, never to return’ leh....scaredz...


So armed with his immense wisdom, I immediately logged on and starting blogging.


About this conversation.....


....I can safely predict that Jaywalk must be kicking himself now.... but then truly inspiration mah! I’m truly-bluishly inspired to blog this MSN interlude now.... yes right now... so I don’t lose it.




In a Chinese Kung-Fu Show, I would have been falling on my knees in front of him with hands clasped, saying,


‘Shi-Fu! Qing shou wuo zhuo tu-di!’


Which loosely and sparingly translated, meant,



‘O Mighty sensei of Butterfly Dreams and the Way of the Flutter-Flutter, pls accept this stoopid ingrate as your student and she shall be eternally indebted! She is not fit to eat the sand u kick!’



*************


OK serious! Actually, it’s not all about Jaywalk, but mostly it’s abt his topic on tuition. His post reminded me of the time when I myself had a student to my name also.



It was a strange encounter, how we met. Suffice to say, I got cornered in the lift one day when going to school by this Indonesian Aunty. She was round and plump with three chins. So when I said ‘cornered’, I was closer to being ‘squished’, our lift being those new fangled-spangled lifts big on windows to prevent perverts from peeking in and seriously small on space.......


She had her market trolley in 1 hand and an umbrella on the other, and this, I’m not joking, she wielded it and stuck the pointy end seriously close to my toe.


Thus the woman spake: ‘Is u in University now?’



‘Err....yes....’ I quivered....eyeing her reinforced steel point nervously and decided to humour her.



‘Is u teaching tuition?’



‘er......no?’ Wrong answer! Her piggy eyes narrowed....



Want to start?’



‘....Er.....er....’



‘Here.’





She then thrust me a scribbled note with her name and HP no., then announced that her daughter was in sec sch, not doing too good and needed help.

All the while, she kept her steel point close to my big toe....


By the time the elevator door opened, I was sufficiently cowed to call her back in the evening with an answer. As a parting shot, she said,



8th floor is a good storey ah? Some more your unit so near lift....



*Twinge of Fear* wah lau....she really knows her victims/neighbours! I’ve never seen her before in my life! Either that, or my forehead is stamped with my addy...



When I returned home that evening, I had run by the whole idea of tuition thru’ my head. It wasn’t a bad idea.... I needed the money because I love to count and hoard them under my pillow. And apparently Mrs J lived in the same block as me, so all I had to do was to either troop to 6th floor or have her daughter come up. So I called and went over.



Then I saw the daughter....




When I said Mrs J was round, it was an overstatement.




I mean, she is round, but with an elongated oval shape-kinda-round, very typical mama-look, very typical-I know-I-cook–very-well-and-I-love-my-own-cooking look.




But her daughter gave the word ‘round’ an instant mathematical definition. She’s 360 degrees, really! All over! I’m not insulting or insinuating anything becos there isn’t anything to insinuate already. Round is round and believe me hor, I got my compass set....


She is also 3 times my size.... so I started to feel claustrophobic again.... and I frankly tell u ah....I’m not thin either....




Another thing! I do know obese ppl, my own aunty is obese, but I never met one so.... tak boleh tahan..... All the while when her mum was proudly showing me her daughter’s past work, I watched with horror as the girl proceeded to scratch her oily hair like it really really ITCHED....



The more I watched her, the more I also started to feel itchy too....


Then she started using both hands....I started touching my own scalp....


Then I saw the flakes on her shoulders....




And before I could avert my eyes from the sight, she popped her pointer finger into her mouth and sucked!!






........Eeeewwwwwwwww.........(another) Chao Monster!!!







She saw that I was looking but she did not even register any embarrassment, she just gave me a greasy smile in return, then returned to scratching her head with her yes! Wet finger, eyes glazed....

*gasps in horror...*


I .....

......am....

....... witnessing an event in primate evolution that had gone backwards.....



I would love to say that I rejected the suit/offer, but Mrs J made a ka-ching! price that I could not ignore. In fact, for that price, I was prepared to jump hoops of fire for her and teach 5 clones of her daughters..... her weapon of choice, this time a hot steaming mug of kopi, was also hovering near enough to hasten my decision.



Before I left, Mrs J, like all parents, gushed unflinchingly that her daughter is smart, just lazy. I’ve had serious doubts as to whether her daughter was even human, but I decided to give her the benefit of a doubt. Before we left, I’d already knew the history of the family up to 3 generations back and had perused some of her daughter’s hobbies.



For once, the girl stopped scratching her limp hair and decidedly lighted up. She lumbered out of the room and came back with her drawing block.


Cool! I thought, she draws also!



Then she flipped the pages under Mrs J’s proud eyes.




In pencil and charcoal shading were pictures and pictures of.....

Werewolves, Wolves in packs, teeth-baring Wolves, Wolves lunging at prey and more Wolves.....

Complete with blood and salivating jowls...

.




My heart skipped a beat before resuming with immense erratic rhythm, my student not only has 'D' for hawker stall grading, she's got issues...


So that was how I knew my student. Perhaps next time, I shall talk abt how stressi*cough*...successfully my tuition went....ahem.......


But right now, inspiration has just fluttered onto my arm and I mistook it for a mosquito.....


*Whack*

*******

*

Oh yes, can I just say something? My student’s name was Nina. And while I dun blame ppl for naming their children such becos it’s a common enough name, I just want to say that your child might suffer Trauma later in Life if she’s Hokkien to boot.



Trust me. Don’t name your daughter Nina if you are Hokkien.



And if U really want to name ur daughter or your own name is Nina (I cry for u...) and u are Hokkien, I pray that your sir name or future hubby’s sir name is not Gan.



Out!


AKK

Ps. Obviously, MSN dialogue has been embellished...... This is called covering ur ass before someone sues u for copyright, heheheeh.....




Oh ya, my condolences if ur name is Gan Nina....

27 comments:

Ed, Edd & Eddy !!! said...

hahaha, i bet you got lots of stories about this student. Looks like a good inspiration!

frenie said...

hahaha. I Dun realli dare to blog about my tuition kids as they might chanced upon my blog and there goes my shopping income

lakeside girl said...

LOL gan nina.... Oh heaven forbid!!!

Winter said...

my god... i like your parting sentence...

tuition kids might be troublesome but its a good sum of money although we have to vomit blood...

wat to do.... :P

Tempest Blue said...

Lol lol!!! Aiyah, you're so Eeeeevil!


But I like!

nadnut said...

lol. careful u dun catch something from lil nina there. :P

ChickenLittle said...

Uhm, my friend was called Wee Lee. When he went to the UK and introduced himself as Wee Lee to the british, the reply came, "I'm sorry to hear that."

Ang Ku Kueh said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
frenie said...

if singaporean with thick singlish accent calls her name:

EH, gan nina ah.......

Dun u love singlish? Makes it sound worse

Jaywalk said...

aiyoh. say me until i guru siah... mai lai... peepur shy leh... *blush*

Anyway, glad to know that you managed to get some inspiration out of the banter that we had. heh heh...

Writing one blog a day is about maintain the momentum. Machiam like a bicycle. Stop pedalling and you are going to buang after a short while.

Gan is bad for Nina. So is Bey.

Nina Bey..... ~LOL

Zhe Bin said...

hahaha! hey, how did she fare in the end? oh, care to share your pillow?

*makes a dash for AKK's pillow*

i tell you, my classmate's surname is Gan and we keep calling him sun of a Gan one lah.

how about Nina Heah? lOl.

Zhe Bin said...

i mean *son of a Gan so sorry!

Ang Ku Kueh said...

hahah...as guru said, think, then grab! so i just wrote without thinking. turned out OK. :) she very inspirational, believe me....but *her* mother is better...heheh:)

sorry ed! I wrote wrongly!


frenie:

oh, she's a thing of the past, so I'm ok! the money all recieved and tallied, hehehe...:)


Crunchy Green apple:

Yups! u have been warned! no more 'nina' names for thy future kids...eehehe.:)


Vanna:

took the words rite out of my mouth...Tu Xue, yes vomit blood! :) I vommited tons for Nina...



tempest:

I am? Noooooooo...really??!! hehehehe...:)

nad:

she not little, Nadnut! she huge! she would have been like...er 6 times of u? *shudder*



Man-in-blue:

Thanks for dropping by! hahaah...ur poor fren lor...

stars_of_rain said...

Ewwww.. The scratching the head and sucking the fingers part is grossing me out. How you bear with her?! And 5 clones of her somemore!

Thankfully you survived.

Ang Ku Kueh said...

frenie:

hahaha...i believe if they already have thick accent, they'll automatically add a 'beh' at the back of the name due to habit...eheheh


Jaywalk:

*gasp!* Shi-fu! u deigned to comment! hahaha...thx for the conversation, as u can see, there's a reason why I asked you to teach me how to save MSG history, ehehehehe....

Oh yes, my inspiration has dried up again...guess must lie low for a while, eheheh...u too power to emulate liao...:)

ya, i tot of that, but few ppl have Beh/Bey for Sir names..:)


Zhe Bin:

hahaha....she fared er...*censored*...oops, may blog abt it later, heheheh.

*grab pillow back and whack ZheBin* naughty! my guan-chai-ben! :)

i always tot NS guys very super when it comes to nicks...:) i also think Gan is a very flexible Sirname...hur hur...

milktea said...

hello akk, i just so happened surfed through your blog thru jaywalk and was drawn to this entry.

I feel for Nina. It must be very hard for her being 360 degrees and has lots of dandruff. that's sad.

Ang Ku Kueh said...

Stars of Rain:

To tell the truth, I only tuitioned her for 6 months, then I cannot tahan anymore and told Mrs J I couldn't do it. It's not becos of hygiene issues. Nina is very lazy...and i haven't seen the smartness that her mum talked abt.


milktea:

Er...is ur comment suposed to make me feel guilty becos I dun feel sad? hehehe...actually, we did managed to talk about her hair issues when i was teaching her. the thing is, she does not like to bathe (excuse me??!!) and wash hair, so i just recommended medicated shampoo. eventually, she became cleaner becos i ordered her to bathe be4 she comes over (serious)...as i told Stars, she really is very lazy, i cannot help with that. i can teach but I cannot change a students attitude 180 degrees, they have to want to take a positive stand first.

nadnut said...

6 times of me? *shudders*

milktea said...

no you don't have to feel quilty. i was just being frivolous. :)

Jaschocolate said...

Haha.. lucky i dont tutor anyone.. dont know who will die first if i do.. teacher or student.. :p

Ang Ku Kueh said...

nad:

i wasn't joking, eheheh.

milktea:

ehehe...dun worry, i also very frivolous..


chocolove:

heheeh...i also very lucky I dun have any tuition kids anymore.

Yan Yehn-Yohn said...

How is Nina doing now?

wally said...

eh eh, start one post on 10 worst names to have ley...

Ang Ku Kueh said...

yan:

dunno, i dun see her anymore. :)

wally:

i only got 1 more...Monica Chng! hehehehe....

hitomi said...

I know this comment is very late. Still, thanks for the humour. I couldn't stop laffing! :D

Ang Ku Kueh said...

hitomi:

ay! that ur real name? or are u a Dead or alive fan? heheheh...thanks for popping by! glad to have worked ur jaw!

hitomi said...

Nope, that's not my real name. Me no fan of any "hitomi-s", just like the way it looks (瞳)and sounds in Jap. :-)