Haven’t u heard of the TauSuan theory?

EDITED!!!!!!

Hi all!!!



A fren of mine has been chatting with me on MSN recently. He was modestly trying to get me to understand that he has no admirers. Since I know him and know his vital stats...........ok, so I dun know his vital stats...........but will BMI do? He’s 172 and 59 kg, so u’ll do the maths. We are talking abt a pretty fit person here who is not skinny and pleasingly turned out. It’s a wonder why somebody who looked like he does can actually be so clueless.....



We were going in circles. Me telling him he’s really quite a catch and him telling me otherwise, until I got fluffed! I’ve decided to pass on to him an ancient knowledge that I’ve gleaned from the sunny hills of Bukit Timah during my scholarly days. I’ve decided I shall forward him this knowledge that has been founded by me and me alone, in order to bring him peace and happiness....



And of cos, to make him quit this inferiority complex.....



Then I decided, after he has received enlightenment..........why stop now?



I find that all of us have the tendency to fall back on our small nuances of errors. It is true that we can only see the tiny misgivings of ourselves and cannot understand that on the whole, we all are incredibly attractive.......



Yes, it's true! Believe me! Becos I shall show u now!



Drum roll, pls *rrrrrrrrrrr…….*



I, AKK, humbly present to you all,

The TauSuan (aka Yellow bean paste aka TS) theory




Once upon a time,

In the faraway land of BT hill, there lived a nun in a communist co-ed monastery named Kueh. Kueh studied ancient texts in a classroom environment filled with young novices like her. Among these novice was a young monk named TauSuan. While he was not out-right bullish, he managed to make everybody feel stupid abt themselves, not becos he was a crackpot or a smartass. TauSuan basically just likes to laugh at anyone who is talking to him in a slightly offensive manner.


To Kueh, it meant that everytime she had to talk to him, he always made her feel stoopid by laughing and pointing at her for no reason at all.

Soon, it was obvious to Kueh that TauSuan cannot be tolerated, so she left him alone to demonstrate his laughing streak on other novices.


Then one day, Kueh overheard the other class nuns discussing about TauSuan during communal lunch. Curious, she shifted her porridge bowl over and joined the conversation.......



To her horror, in the space of 10 minutes, she found out an absolutely horrendous revelation. Monk TauSuan had, without his knowledge, acquired the hearts of 5 nuns and made them moon over him (and their uneaten porridge). That many admirers, all of whom were decent sweet nuns, all of them, without even trying to be nice!!



Nun Kueh felt totally suckered.



She was so bewildered, she hurriedly left to quiet her thoughts under the monastery’s only living Palm tree. She was so bewildered by the news that she proceeded to kick out a high-order monk also seeking enlightened under a particularly shady spot and begun a process of meditating to decipher the meaning of this outrage.


Now, it should be said that Kueh believed herself to be a decent, likeable person, yet she often wondered why no monks ever profess an interest in her. Why therefore, can somebody like TauSuan, received such undivided attention from 5 gushing nuns?



With that question in her mind, she became stone and did not move nor speak to anyone, except to answer nature’s call and copy lecture notes.........


One day, after a hard rain, Kueh opened her crusty eye from her shaded spot and beheld the wonder of the sun rays. In that instant, it hit her like a big hammer.......her enlightenment had come! She has found the answer! With a laugh, she leaped up and down and around the palm and hugged the slightly sunburned high-order monk sitting in the sun, grateful for the insight.


Kueh ran back into the monastery for her ink brush and bamboo and Thus, begun writing the formulation of the TauSuan theory......




theory states that:

In any given time or space, a person has

5 x TS = number of secret admirers whom he/she did not know about,

this situation occurs where TS stands for TauSuan, which is a factor that denotes a whole number >1 and which final value (i.e.answer) equates to admirers that is unbeknownst to the person.


When Kueh received her highest dlang order and became a full fledged nun, her students came to her and asked her many questions:


Mistress, what is the TS factor?

The TS factor is a variable value that increases with a person’s worth. The TS value is set at a baseline of 1. Humanity has hope becos Tausuan actually has 5 admirers .

Mistress, why must TS factor be greater than 1?

Because normal ppl do not laugh at others and made them feel stupid. TS himself represents the value of 1. If u do not have such practices, your TS factor shall be greater than 1. It also means that by default, we all have at least 10 admirers.

But mistress, I do not have even 1 admirer.

*bonk gently on head* Ah…it is obvious that you did not study hard enough, disciple. TauSuan theory is the ultimate theory because it cannot be proven wrong. The TauSuan theory represents the number of admirers that u garner without your knowledge. If u know u’ve got 1, then u’ve got at least 11 admirers mooning over you.


Satisfide with the answers, the novices applaud the venerable Nun Kueh and her wisdom.

Moral of the story?





You have at least 5 people who likes you that you know nuts about. So feel loved. U are attractive in ways that u’ll never know, in ways that your crushes themselves or the rest of the world cannot understand. So Be more Confident of yourself. You are more Attractive than you think.




Out!
AKK

TS has since left the monastery after recieving his highest dlang order. He is now in the highlands of the Himalayas meditating in the snow and laughing at Yaks....