Thursday, March 10, 2005

Much Like '50 First Dates' without the dates......

Oh Shit! Yesternite I actually fed my blog a decent amount of words for a draft, only to realise that I din publish it, thus I lost I've got to start from scratch again, but I can't remember what I I'm back to a blank slate! Aarrgghh! Think think think...what to write?

*AKK goes into shock, curls up a ball and sucked thumb*

I've decided! Today's entry shall be about my amnesia. Ever watched 50 1st dates? Apart from looking as ugly as Drew Barrymore is sweet, and apart from not even having had 1 date, much less 50, I feel very in touch with her character because I think I also, yes, have short-term memory loss. I'm being deliberately vague about the show because although I seriously wanted to, I eventually forgot to catch it. I'm a Dory without the cute 'swimming swimming' singing voice.

Trying to reproduce something from memory has Always been a disasterous affair, the ghosts of all teachers' who have the bad luck to get me as their student would know.... in fact, in their cozy, students-off-limits Teacher's Lounge, it would have gone something like this:

A new teacher gets 'broken in ' by the elders:

'Miss Ang, I see that you've gotten the class of 9XS7X this semester! Isn't that nice?!'

'Mrs Khu, what's so great about 9XS7X?'

'Oh Miss Ang, you're so funny!' *snigger snigger* 'I was just being polite! The great thing about this class is that it's not mine! I had them last year when I was a new teacher, it's a tradition!'

'Mrs Khu, you shouldn't scare Miss Ang like that. Hi, welcome to AKKJC, Miss Ang, I'm Madam Kueh...yes, i'm peranakan. We've heard much about you, and feel that you are up to the challenge to handle this class. Others have not fared so well...'

*sputter sputter*

'Madam Kueh!'

'Calm down, Mrs Khu, i'm only stating facts. Miss Ang, you need to know, this class has never been a good scorer, and additionally there is a...for want of a better word...handicapped student in there.'

'I see. No wonder Principal Shakakhan was delighted that I had Social Work and Psychology Background.

'I believe the class is very good, in their right, but the handicap of that student got in the way. we call her the Plateau.'

"whatever for, Ma'am?'

'Because she's a low-scorer, Miss Ang. She manages to fail every CAs the school has given her. Not only that, even when we tried to give a simple test, requiring only wholesale and hardsell regurgitating in order to up the class percentage, she still manages to elude her teacher's most lenient markings to fail.'

'I see....But still, why Plateau?'

'Since we chart their performance by demonic graphs, high-scoring class tend to shift as a group to the high end percentile, while low ones shift downwards, thus creating a spike to guage average performance. Because of her, the rest of the class, having scored well, were bunched at the high-end, but she manages to pull Everybody back with her. So they are all strung along a line like laundry...'

*Madam Kueh taps her finger in the ensuing silence*

'Also much like the cardiograph of a dead Heart Attack patient'

*comprehension dawns...*

'You mean like the finishing line at the end of the race?'

'Yes, perhaps, but more like a row of salted fish hanging on a string.... swaying gently.'

'Ah...I get it...Birds sitting on the Tel Pole cable?'

'Very Good, Miss Ang, just like milked cows on a conveyor belt.'

'Hah! great! this is like... neat pairs of balls along a line of Pilots standing at attention! Yes!'

*Silence ensues again, madam Kueh cleared her throat*

'Miss Ang, why pilots?'

'Why, Ma'am, they are all of the same height, of cos!'

*sputter sputtering, Mrs Khu Frowns and snaps*

'Miss Ang! It's a plateau, for God's sake, so just call it so. No Spike, no Tip, and no sexual connotation, just a flat plane, a Plateau!'

*Bell Ringing in the Background*

*Madam Kueh and Miss Ang escapes from fuming Mrs Khu, Light dims...*

Alrite alrite! today's entry is pretty silly, I admit. next time, I'll make it sillier.

Love all,
Ang Khu Kueh

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