Saturday, June 25, 2005

Bus Woe....*fume*

EDITED and SHORTENED ENTRY...
This is a short entry becos as usual, nothing big has happened to me, so I’m trying not to be to long winded about it. In fact, my good friends have complained a bit that my entries are too long….


SHIT!


Ok, let’s start again. It shall be a short entry today because only one thing of interest happened. I was in the bus on my way home and actually got myself a seat today. Very good, stroke of luck, i thought! so I happily rested my feet and massaged my knee a bit….


Since I was eyeing my joints and trying to decide if my left knee is still swollen like a han-bao-bao, I didn’t notice anything until an eclipse suddenly block my light.


I looked up….and up…and up….and met the eyes of the HULK. He was so fricking tall, he had to bend his neck to keep from banging the ceiling. In fact, his shoulders are kind of brushing the bus handles….


My jaw dropped like an idiot. Never in my life have I seen someone with that kind of size….he’s not fat nor obese, just fricking Humongous lor, the type that already crashed the glass ceilings of Californian Fitness and is Pumping for Olympics Glory?


Think TWO big barrel chests and possibly abs that managed to squeeze out all Eight of its continents. He looked like he ate 30 eggs in one day, together with the shells, chewed tree trucks for veggie supplements and sucked milk straight from 10 dairy cows... That's how moronically Huge No-Neck looked...

Everyone, not just me, went goggled-eyed…


And why did he block my light? Because he was actually preparing to sit beside me... I was actually fearful of my life in that short instant. Suddenly the whole seat dipped towards him as he gingerly depressed his side of the couch…I didn’t want to be rude, but I was simply terrified, so I grabbed the headrest, hoping he won’t notice and take offense and lift me off the seat by my hair and swing me out the window like a morningstar….


After he settled himself, he had to plonk his knees into the backrest of the seat before us because his legs was so long….the minute he jammed his knee in, the backlash made the old aunty in front banged her front teeth into the front seat….


He kept adjusting himself to make sure his shoulders dun jut out into the aisle and block the standing passengers, who were wisely giving him a wide berth… But once he’s fully settled, I was absolutely crowded into a small tinny space between the window and him. He was also wearing exercise togs, man! He had probably just ended a pumping session…….


The bus started moving, I kept making surreptitious glances at his arms….which kept rolling over everytime the bus uncle turned a corner….I was totally freaked out…his biceps are Like two Honey-Roasted Christmas Hams from Carrefour! On each arms! Before carving! Unless I can fold my own ribs, I couldn’t avoid touching him……argh!!!! I kept thinking Sweaty Christmas Hams against my own bare arms and I wanted to gag….. My personal space has just turned zero radius...I started holding my breath and cringing...



The worse thing was, he looked like he truly Enjoyed My discomfort! Everytime the bus turned, he kept pushing closer and closer! Wah lau! Then during odd times, I can feel his head turn 90 degrees my way and he would stare at me every now and then. And while I dun have eyes on the top of my head, I nevertheless felt my scalp going sheepishly itchy from embarassment and my hair felt like crawling away...

After the first glance, I avoided his face, I refused to look at him, I scrunch myself tightly to the window and pretended I was utterly fascinated with each tree the bus passed….the bus was roving through a froest, but that didn't stop me scrutinising them trees...tree tree trees!.... anything to keep from having to meet his eyes….*gag*…the top of my head is, like, burning!! He might have grinned, but i wouldn't know! Too busy counting Trees!!!


Eeeeeeeewwww……! That Chao MONSTER!



The bus turned and he rolled right up! my arm, I cursed his ancestors under my breath into the 1008th level of Hell and told myself if he ever come closer still, I shall scream and accuse him of sexual harassment…….


But I never did, I was too embarrassed to kick up a fuss. The thing is, he was so huge like mountain that the other passengers didn’t think he was doing anything wrong by trying to squeeze his body into the seat. In fact, in their eyes, he was doing them a favour by letting them have more aisle space…


I didn’t dare to get up because if I did, how to get out? Squeeze pass him? Like where ??!!! Like how??!! Even if he turned sideways to clear his knees, I’ll have to SQUISH my ASS Pass HIS MASSIVE THIGH!



Urgh….Urgh…Urgh…..those are really looong thighs, ok?.....I’d be so truly molested and he’d be in such fricking Ecstasy lor! No deal!


I was gritting my teeth and praying, feeling helpless and angry simultaneously. I had to slump my shoulders to prevent his arms from brushing up against any other body parts of mine, take slow small breaths so I dun expand my chest too much and conquer claustrophobia….


Soon, I realised it was a case of seeing who gets off first, I started praying it had be him, cos I cannot tahan the thought of manoeuvring my body pass any part of him and his staring eyes, which I bet will rove up and down my body….yuk..yuk..yuk!!! Words can't even express my Disgust! ….


Finally, when his stop came and he got off, I heaved such a huge sigh of relief that everyone heard it and stared at me for my rudeness…..


*Disbelief* Ta-Ma-De! there's really No justice!


I immediately went to bathe myself once i got home….It did not matter that I was not Officially molested at the right places….I might as well have been naked the way he stared (or turned botak)…I had to scrub myself off! Wash wash wash! All away! I shampooed twice!



Then I saw the bruise….incredulously, I’d squashed myself so hard against the window, my shoulder now sported a coaster sized red mark slowly turning blue-black ….



That Fricking Huge F.......Idiot!


*points Middle finger at shower head*


KNN-BEH!! and various assorted Colourful language...



Give me a couple of days to cool off and possibly 10 more baths (and a GI shave), ya? i shall return to my bubbly self soon. :)
Thanks for reading.

out!

AKK
*grumble grumble...curse curse*

23 comments:

Tempest Blue said...

ouch, poor AKK! Next time, try and adjust yourself and your bag so that some hard, nasty protruding part like a handle or elbow is sticking into his ribs lor!

BTW, you've been bonked with my movie baton! See my blog for details :-)

Jaschocolate said...

And you called this "SHORT"...

Next time stared at the bastard throughout everytime he pushed against.. Hopefully got no next time..

Tempest blue: why u hit her again.. she got bonked by Anna already leh...

Yan Yehn-Yohn said...

You call this a ahort entry? Try harder next time heheh. But I don't mind long-windedness though.

Tempest Blue said...

chocolove - oh isit? oops, I didn't know. I only know 5 ppl only mah. ;-p

Ed, Edd & Eddy !!! said...

oh you poor thing. But just tell him straight mah... that he is intruding into your private space.Or tell him to stand up and let you past..

Jaschocolate said...

Tempest blue: haha.. never mind lah.. it means AKK can target 10ppl.. hee

kachuaz said...

piang eh..smelly shit! haa haa

Hisreason said...

Argh! Disgusting! But funny lah, the way you put it :D!

Practise your icy stare! Glare at such idiots if they try to pull such a stunt! Or take Ed's advice and tell him straight that you're not comfortable.

Sidenote: I've seen one beefcake before, he was sweaty, and he was wearing very, very short red shorts. Help ah!

Ang Ku Kueh said...

tempest:

i know! but i just bought this really cute bag, so i din put anything inside cos too small! the price of vanity...

movie baton ah? how about book baton? got or not? I love books more than movies...cos its cheaper to borrow from lib.

chocolove:

oh no, I did it again! too long ah? I've edited and shortened it as much as possible. my bro said he stopped reading halfway...demoralising, man...my own brother! I bonked by anna also? haiyah...i tend to skip all the entries about batons...thank goodness you told me...

yan:

you so nice lor! completely different from my brother! but then, he has to suffer my nagging his whole life till now...ehehhe

ed:

I'm afraid he might squash me...really really...he got ham-sized fist leh....also, everyone would think i not gracious...sigh...

chocolove:

ah...i dunno if my links here like people to similarly bonk them leh....its a bit like chainmail, some ppl dun like...i think i er...stop the chain here, ya? will think abt it. :)

kachuaz:

yes...thankfully, he only had a very slightest of pong emitting from him...i would have just fainted otherwise...

hisreason:

ahahah...U horrible lor, rolling eyes and icy stare were once part of my arsenal of 'back off!' language...but i afraid to use now, just in case mr No-Neck is a blogger himself and start writing abt this horrible girl in the bus who rolled her eyes at him and...

anyway hor...my once frosty ice stare has melted with age...last time so angst-ridden mah, now boh power liao.

should u blog about that beefcake one day? consider consider...:)

Tempest Blue said...

No need to do the Movie baton thing from me if you don't want to, akk. I don't care for those chain letter things too, so don't worry, I won't be cursing you with 77 years of bad luck and bad love life if you break the chain.

Really! :-D

Ang Ku Kueh said...

ahahah....why u so cute? of cos, i will answer! I'm honoured by you and anna...er...just give me time leh...i need go wash my hair again...eheeh:)

The Duck said...

Hey AKK...sounds like you might need some professional help on this traumatic experience. Can refer you to mine...not too bad one I must say.

And for next time, if none of the above suggestions work...maybe just scare him off...like smiling by yourself while counting the trees...or maybe picking your nose and help yourself on the aunty's hair infront of you.

And sometimes a simple long but soundlesss camanbert-smelling fart can do the trick. You might actually end up clearing the whole bus instead...but who cares...right? :)

averilchan said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
averilchan said...

So funny! I was literally laughing out loud at each paragraph. There aren't many Hulks around in Singapore though, you should have gotten his autograph or something...Hmm...

nadnut said...

ouch. i hate guys like dat. im rather petite so usually they'll squeeze to try to get more space. usually ill juz dump my bag inbetween so that i wont have contact wiv de sweaty kind. :P

Ah 9 said...

now u need that obscene looking medication applier thingy for your shoulder....haaaa!

Li-er said...

Hahaa...what an interesting day for you. You better get your knee up and working, so that you can give him a good kick! =P

Li-er said...

Opps...I mean the next time if you happen to see him again. Hehee...

Ang Ku Kueh said...

duck:

ahahaha....if i were a guy, I'd do it...but shy lah...not given to bouts of public display.:)

averil:

*gasp* if u'd seen him, u wun want his autograph, man! more like 'run for cover!'. i serious! scary...dun care even if he Olympic winner...

nad:

i know! I do that too! but that day using small cutesy bag....to small to separate...he'd crush my preety carrier...

Ah 9:

Good idea! I used already...really very ergronomic...hard-to-reach places ok!

Li-er:

nooo....I'd run the other way the minute I see him...if i kick him, I'll suffer from swelling toe...another injury!

stoned.nerd said...

so this is a short entry.

heh heh. okay.

Ah 9 said...

why im not surprised 20 comments again...lol...you should mention the medical applier in every entry...sure sell-out. Hee :)

Ang Ku Kueh said...

stoned.nerd:

yes, it's pretty short hor? so proud of myself.
heh heh.

Ah 9:

haha...and u just made it pass 20! if i keep mentioning it, i'll have to find new ways of injuring myself, eheheh....sadly, i not so masochistic...:) anyway, some of the comments are discussion among other blogger, eheheh, not really counted lah. :)

Zhe Bin said...

LOL got so 夸张 or not!