Making Love with my Kneecap...

After Hisreason's jogging episode, I've decided to also jog around the garden in my neighbourhood to check out if there's any skinny pregnant young man making leering glances at me, so I can race him to the end of the block, then hopefully give him CPR.....




.....






Oh, damn! Kekeke...


Instead, the early morning was decidedly littered with too many taiqi and qigong aunties who would gladly have rushed to help a young man gasping and lying prone on the floor. There are also a lot of older, 30-40-50 year old men who also wouldn't have mind giving me a liplock if I had not survived my own jogging.


So it's a jungle out there....unlike somebody's anti-social neighbourhood, my own neighbourhood is packed with tights-wearing, sweaty and beer-bellied predators ready to pounce with overflowing helpfulness should anyone meet with an unfortunate accident.


So I jogged and jogged and ....*gasp gasp pant pant* jogged some more. Trim-My-FAT-ass campaign is actually bulldozing its way to success extremely well.... I've begun to suspect that the fatty ass I've complained about was actually 3kg worth of water retention during PMS...


However, my bust line has not returned.


Is there any way to put the water in my breast than to bulge it in my butt? I'd like to know.


Anyway, the point of this entry is not about collapsing mid-jog/fat asses or overzealous aunties and uncles. And since I don't wear contacts nor specs during jogging, I'd be hard-put to notice any blurry blobs running straight towards me, much less notice if they are male or female, dog or human...




Er...I take the opportunity to apologise on behalf of all those other girls out there who jog half-blind: to all the taiqi aunty, qigong uncle or manly man who glanced our way, we are not fierce! We are just squinting very hard to see if you're our neighbour...


Strange but true.


Half-way through the jog, I cracked my left knee again....



I've had this sport injury since JC, when I was quite a badminton player....then because I was too busy trying to look cool and look good in front of my Crush/1st BF, I did not do my star-jump warm-up as vigorously as I should, preferring to ...sigh...jump less high and land more demurely rather than go thump! thump! thump! like an elephant on rampage.


So a freakish misplaced landing on 1 of the most beautiful smash I've ever served bent my left knee outwards literally and tore my ligaments 2 out of 3. I was told after the incident that the whole hall reverberated with a resounding 'CRACK!' when I managed to straighten my leg. My whole class went green and nauseous from their vantage point at the spectator seats. Ever since then, my left knee has bent left, right and even backwards anytime I remotely try to move faster than a crawl, or suddenly turn directions. *Whip around-- *Crack!**



Yes, very sad...*sobz*



Oh well, to get on with the story, I crack my left knee during the run yesterday. Thankfully, I didn't totally crash into the jogging path, I mean, I could see the 30-40-50 blobs were already hovering near, preparing to give assistance. I immediately straightened up and pretended I dropped my MP3 player...after a bit of stomping to straighten out my knee joint, I continued to run and apart from a twinge here and there, there's hardly any feeling....


so I tot no big deal and continued jogging.


Then today...there's a sense of deja vu, I couldn't get up from bed again. My left knee has gone rock-hard-solid!


Like a day-old corpse with rigor mortis......


no kidding, man! I told myself as I took slow measured mincing steps half-bent like my late great-grandma on her way to the toilet....my jogging also added lots of aches and pains in my thighs and feet. Right now, as I am typing, I'm flexing my toes...even my pinkies hurt...



there's a pattern here, I know it. Ever since I set up this blog, I end up injured almost everytime I went exercising. First time, I got saddle burn, now I am fricking nursing a sprained knee.


Did I tell you my Mum's a Chinese Physician? Yea, a certified one! She is so good at her work; she once stuck acupuncture needles on my leg while both of us are watching PCK. Needless to say, I never let her near me with her lethal weapons anymore.


So this time, she just handed me this Hong Hua Oil to apply….she was watching TV again and thrust the medication right into my face…and I screamed… Yes! I thought my conservative cheongsam-togging mum had gone berserk and gave me a sex toy!

Obscene! Cos the bloody medication is shaped like a dick! *gasp!*


Then I became like, really fascinated with it…My God, judging from some old porn I chanced upon during JC, it was the same size, same shape and to some guys, even the same pinky colour as a real meat-and-2-veg!
















Oh Gosh, I cracked up! I limped back to my own room out of sight from my mum and started holding the phallic symbol first this way……

…and that way…to get the perfect angle…..

…..it even looked like it had a little hole at the tip….

Muahahahahaah………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


How come no one ever told the Fei Fah Group of Companies how the bloody thing looked like??? How come nobody told them?! *gasp!* I can’t breathe! I’ve got to masturbate that thing to use it! Hahahahahah………..


Ok, so I’m not going to talk much more about this monstrous obscenity or else, I may end up setting a bad example to my lil’ brother, who may be reading this. I may also end up as the classic mountain tortoise in bloggerhood since anyone who ever sprained an ankle has probably seen this….Suffice to say: I was this idiot laughing by myself in the privacy of my own room while gliding the pseudo-prick up and down my kneecap …*chuckle*…


…My kneecap is having sex…and burning from the oil secreted…

Nonono!..…I shouldn’t go further liao…I shall stop my entry right now…



Out!

AKK :)