Wednesday, June 22, 2005

Making Love with my Kneecap...

After Hisreason's jogging episode, I've decided to also jog around the garden in my neighbourhood to check out if there's any skinny pregnant young man making leering glances at me, so I can race him to the end of the block, then hopefully give him CPR.....




.....






Oh, damn! Kekeke...


Instead, the early morning was decidedly littered with too many taiqi and qigong aunties who would gladly have rushed to help a young man gasping and lying prone on the floor. There are also a lot of older, 30-40-50 year old men who also wouldn't have mind giving me a liplock if I had not survived my own jogging.


So it's a jungle out there....unlike somebody's anti-social neighbourhood, my own neighbourhood is packed with tights-wearing, sweaty and beer-bellied predators ready to pounce with overflowing helpfulness should anyone meet with an unfortunate accident.


So I jogged and jogged and ....*gasp gasp pant pant* jogged some more. Trim-My-FAT-ass campaign is actually bulldozing its way to success extremely well.... I've begun to suspect that the fatty ass I've complained about was actually 3kg worth of water retention during PMS...


However, my bust line has not returned.


Is there any way to put the water in my breast than to bulge it in my butt? I'd like to know.


Anyway, the point of this entry is not about collapsing mid-jog/fat asses or overzealous aunties and uncles. And since I don't wear contacts nor specs during jogging, I'd be hard-put to notice any blurry blobs running straight towards me, much less notice if they are male or female, dog or human...




Er...I take the opportunity to apologise on behalf of all those other girls out there who jog half-blind: to all the taiqi aunty, qigong uncle or manly man who glanced our way, we are not fierce! We are just squinting very hard to see if you're our neighbour...


Strange but true.


Half-way through the jog, I cracked my left knee again....



I've had this sport injury since JC, when I was quite a badminton player....then because I was too busy trying to look cool and look good in front of my Crush/1st BF, I did not do my star-jump warm-up as vigorously as I should, preferring to ...sigh...jump less high and land more demurely rather than go thump! thump! thump! like an elephant on rampage.


So a freakish misplaced landing on 1 of the most beautiful smash I've ever served bent my left knee outwards literally and tore my ligaments 2 out of 3. I was told after the incident that the whole hall reverberated with a resounding 'CRACK!' when I managed to straighten my leg. My whole class went green and nauseous from their vantage point at the spectator seats. Ever since then, my left knee has bent left, right and even backwards anytime I remotely try to move faster than a crawl, or suddenly turn directions. *Whip around-- *Crack!**



Yes, very sad...*sobz*



Oh well, to get on with the story, I crack my left knee during the run yesterday. Thankfully, I didn't totally crash into the jogging path, I mean, I could see the 30-40-50 blobs were already hovering near, preparing to give assistance. I immediately straightened up and pretended I dropped my MP3 player...after a bit of stomping to straighten out my knee joint, I continued to run and apart from a twinge here and there, there's hardly any feeling....


so I tot no big deal and continued jogging.


Then today...there's a sense of deja vu, I couldn't get up from bed again. My left knee has gone rock-hard-solid!


Like a day-old corpse with rigor mortis......


no kidding, man! I told myself as I took slow measured mincing steps half-bent like my late great-grandma on her way to the toilet....my jogging also added lots of aches and pains in my thighs and feet. Right now, as I am typing, I'm flexing my toes...even my pinkies hurt...



there's a pattern here, I know it. Ever since I set up this blog, I end up injured almost everytime I went exercising. First time, I got saddle burn, now I am fricking nursing a sprained knee.


Did I tell you my Mum's a Chinese Physician? Yea, a certified one! She is so good at her work; she once stuck acupuncture needles on my leg while both of us are watching PCK. Needless to say, I never let her near me with her lethal weapons anymore.


So this time, she just handed me this Hong Hua Oil to apply….she was watching TV again and thrust the medication right into my face…and I screamed… Yes! I thought my conservative cheongsam-togging mum had gone berserk and gave me a sex toy!











































Obscene! Cos the bloody medication is shaped like a dick! *gasp!*


Then I became like, really fascinated with it…My God, judging from some old porn I chanced upon during JC, it was the same size, same shape and to some guys, even the same pinky colour as a real meat-and-2-veg!
















Oh Gosh, I cracked up! I limped back to my own room out of sight from my mum and started holding the phallic symbol first this way……






















…and that way…to get the perfect angle…..




…..it even looked like it had a little hole at the tip….





Muahahahahaah………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


How come no one ever told the Fei Fah Group of Companies how the bloody thing looked like??? How come nobody told them?! *gasp!* I can’t breathe! I’ve got to masturbate that thing to use it! Hahahahahah………..


Ok, so I’m not going to talk much more about this monstrous obscenity or else, I may end up setting a bad example to my lil’ brother, who may be reading this. I may also end up as the classic mountain tortoise in bloggerhood since anyone who ever sprained an ankle has probably seen this….Suffice to say: I was this idiot laughing by myself in the privacy of my own room while gliding the pseudo-prick up and down my kneecap …*chuckle*…


…My kneecap is having sex…and burning from the oil secreted…


Nonono!..…I shouldn’t go further liao…I shall stop my entry right now…



Out!

AKK :)




27 comments:

The Duck said...

hahaha....you sure you went to the 'right' physician???
Thats one hell of an oil bottle. Sure its oil for your knee pain or what might lead to SUCH a knee pain? :)

Definitely a marketing hit I would say...no wonder more people are getting interested in chinese medicine for ALL kinds of 'HEALING'.
So enjoy the FULL content and dun forget to read the instructions before. But you would agree that it might not be the best and ideal one to break the long 26-yrs wait...right?:)

Tempest Blue said...

Maybe the Hong Hua Oil is being marketed as a dual-use product? Kekeke

Zhe Bin said...

omg hope u get well soon k. i strained my back on tuesday and wah kao, i'd say that's the most deadliest body part u can hurt. cos, it really hurts!

Ang Ku Kueh said...

the duck:

that's a cute nick...got serious overtones...oh no! of cos not use it the way you think of using it leh....wah lau! what u thinking...the oil BURNS!!! ahahahaha!!!

tempest:

u think like duck lah...cannot cannot, very painful siah! unless by some funny fluke I sprain my crotch...but i dun forsee it happening in a milenia, kekekeke...


Simplestar:

Back sprain? God, that hurts! i've had it too...stand up painful, lie in bed also painful...absolutely horrendous! U take care yourself ah! obviously ur injury worse then mine, ehehehe...

Tempest Blue said...

Painful? I was thinking more like "Hiam ah!! Hiam ah!!" :-)

Ed, Edd & Eddy !!! said...

Hahaha! It really does look like a sex toy!

Ah 9 said...

horny huh?

wat pregnant men by the way? typo? lol

Hisreason said...

You poor thing you! Next time don't continue jogging! Aiyoh...

I have my fair shares of injuries too... injured my shoulder while waving that flag thingy during NDP, haha....

And yah, maybe that, eh, medication has dual purpose? Haha....

Jaywalk said...

Oh dear, what a shape for a bottle. And the colour too!

Anyway, get well soon. I can feel the pain by just reading about it.

The worse I even kena was a fracture of the left femur and a locked knee. Strangly, both on the left side.

Ang Ku Kueh said...

Tempest!

I'm shocked! ehehehe....

ed:

ya lor! too bad cannot put batteries...

ah 9:

nah, it's just the way Hisreason described himself....

Hisreason:

It's dumb lah and I know I shouldn't, but I actually enjoy jogging more than the stoopid power-rider...also the joint is old news...very easy to crack it lah...one day, should just go for surgery. cannot dual purpose leh...the oil burns!

Ang Ku Kueh said...

jaywalk:

hmm...femur is where ah? Hip? what's locked knee? like mine? eh...thankfuly i've never had a fracture. :)

LPF said...

pregnant young man?!! I seriously hope that is a typo..or is it just the sex toy gettin to you?

But frankly, I think the design is more of ergonomics rather than a tactic use to promote sales..I feel that it's easier to grip hold of something that's slightly crooked at a certain angle rather than something that's rod-stiff straight.

The Duck said...

Hey lpf...I would be obliged to disagree...this thing is anything but ergonomic.
it's long, cylindrical, smooth surfaced and rounded at one end.i think if they really wanted it to be ergonomic, there are millions of ways of achieving that.
ok...its either they have a poor designer or just simply wanted their product to be 'hand-friendly'...which actually is part of the definition of ergonomic...isnt it?:)
Go figure...
I'm quite intrigue to know what the version for the male patients:)
AKK...hope the knee is getting better.

LPF said...

the duck:

Yep. I just felt it's easier for the hand to have a firmer grip on it...just speaking from personal experiences :)

Anonymous said...

Get well soon, Ms Angkukueh!!

Ang Ku Kueh said...

lpf:

er....definitely when I'm using it, It's er...easy to position...ahem:) u know what i mean, since u used it before :)

The duck:

hahahaha...i can see u and pretty gal lpf are have a disagreement. actually, can get this thingy anywhere....those medicine shops, maybe even watsons. :) dun have gender diff. :)


anon:

Okie! will do! :)

Jayaxe said...

Haha, the medicine like glue issit?

Yan Yehn-Yohn said...

It pains me just to read about it. Get well soon. Eh, even though you ended your post there and then, I'm pretty sure the sight of that medication coughdildocough made you horny throughout right? Right? right? :p

Ang Ku Kueh said...

jayaxe:

like glue??!!! muahahaha! wat u thinking?! no lah, it's those tie-da oil, like deep heat. :) eheheheh....

Yan:

haiyah....sorry to dissappint. I just glide the thing on my knee and then my knee started heating up til my eyes water...that's all. ehehehe...but the heat feels good lah. :)

Li-er said...

Hey, hope your knees are better yea? Take care! =)

Ah 9 said...

how one horny woman with a plastic thingy can generate so much comments...amazing huh? LOL

Zen|th said...

Dang. I wonder how the people in development of that product fail to see the similarities. Maybe they did it on purpose.

Ang Ku Kueh said...

li-er:

many thanks...it's recovering! I'm scheduled for another run next week. :)

Ah 9:

er...i also dunno, but i'm happy all the same, i tot i was the only one who'd see the thingy in that light...but hell, u guys were thinking the same too. :) and maybe 1/3 are well-wishes for recovery. :) it's a horny gal with a pseudo-dildo and 1 injured knee...lethal combi lah...ehehehe...no, but thanks for the support. :)

Zenith:

hmmm....but it really does glide on very properly leh...perhaps they did a pros and cons test and decided they can get away with the design. or perhaps they did it so many ppl buy it without knowing what it is until they can't find the 'insert batteries here' label...eheheheeh.......

wally said...

Its just too much of a coincidence that it's shaped that way, with that colour, and that size. No way- it must definitely been purposely designed that way. Anyway, do u know how much it costs? It may be a cheap, safe alternative to sex toys - and u won't get dirty looks from salesmen/saleswomen/customers/by-standers.

Ang Ku Kueh said...

wally! long time no see! it's pretty cheap...but u sure u want to use it in that kind of way? like deep-heat leh....burning...:)

Jaywalk said...

Sorry for coming back late.

Femur is the thigh bone.

A locked knee occurs when the knee is very badly twisted as in the thigh goes direction and the shin goes the other. This resulted in the knee being locked in a bent position, unable to straighten.

Got that in a football tackle when I was in NS.

Ang Ku Kueh said...

jaywalk:

arrghhh!!! that sounds really bad!! must be excruciating, man!