Sunday, September 04, 2005

Reason for a blog...

(Covering-ur-ass-disclaimer: MSN conversations and personal dialog featured have been embellished in content, and enhanced with colour, pauses and crickets....hehehe...)



Hi all!

In case you guys are hoping for something funny today, I shall have to warn you that this post shall be kinda depressing…and loser-ish…


…and corny….of cos…



In reality, the reason why I blog is to have an outlet for myself. This means I sometimes find myself in a quandary. I don’t seem to be able to reconcile the halves of me, online and off, into one whole. Perhaps last time, I could have been, because I did not know the joy of posting online my private thoughts. Right now, I’d find myself living my life more fulfillingly in virtual than reality at odd times.



I need to confess something; I’m a laid-back boring person. True, I can laugh and engage in conversation like any other, but I lack the courage to voice out a true opinion among strangers unless I want to offend ppl, or to tell a tale with enough confidence to make ppl laugh.




Someone once asked me to tell him a joke on MSN, but I couldn’t remember any jokes except a damn funny biology joke and a super-lame general one.




So I told him the damn funny biology one:




‘Ay Ay, when do u know that your lab aircon is down?


‘what lab?’


‘just play along, ok?’


‘right right! when?’


‘when you can do your heat-shock transformation on the benchtop! Muahahahah!’









(silence….extra crickets in backgrd…)



and then.........‘okie, perhaps another joke?’







So much for the Biology joke.







So I told him the super-lame one that goes like this:


‘Imagine you are walking in a forest and see a fork in the road, do u take left or right?’


To which he dutifully answered, ‘right.’


‘You see a house, do you go in or peer through the window?’


‘Go in.’


‘You see a pile of fruits on the table. All kinds of fruit from all over the world regardless of the season! Quick! Which fruit will you pick out and eat first?!’




Quick! Choose!





Almost immediately, ‘A liew lian!’



‘whoa! good choice, is durian. this is a personality test actually. Damn accurate one.’



‘Oh wow! Quick tell me! What’s my personality? Oh wait!’


‘What?’


Does the type of liew lian matter?’


‘Well, it’ll be more accurate if it does.’


‘OK, I only eat D24 liew lian, not any other liew lians. Then only the full fruit, not the pre-packed one. Now More accurate liao hor?’


‘Yup.’


‘Okie! so what’s my personality?’




















‘You like to eat D24 Liew Lian.’



D24 Liew lian! Whole fruit! Not packed! Posted by Picasa






(Pregnant pause on MSN and then the guy wrote back….)






‘Yes and.......?’


‘That’s it.’



(Another pregnant pause, during which I left my seat to go pee for 5 min, lim chui and comb hair...........)







Then....
‘What you mean: That’s IT? Wah Lau! Damn lame lor. What kinda joke is that?!’




And he proceeded to type out about 5 racist jokes and 6 dumb blonde jokes furiously on MSN straight off his memory to feed me with to-tell-other-ppl-and-no-siah-suay-myself decent jokes.......




Actually, I really do mean what I say, fren. That’s it. That’s all there is. To me. I rent romance from the store in HV and periodically get charged extra because I always fail to return them on time. I eat my lunch in my cubicle, I pack yesterday’s leftovers because my mum is a bad cook and the canteen’s just too faraway. I used to sing when i bathed until a blackout occurred just when i hit a high-note one day.


I’m just a boring workslave trying her best to go through life with as much excitement as a stack of romance books, packed lunches and humming while bathing can provide.





Which is why when the sun sets and the lights turn on and I’m in the comforts of home, I blog. I blog my life when something interesting hits me. I blog abt the past when something triggers it. I blog abt others. I blog abt me. And I blog for my readers who understood that the voice-over JBP song originally started out as a bunch of jokey requests left by you guys after the first voice-blog.





That, incidentally, is the reason why I don’t usually update much. I blog as Life happens and there’d be days on end that nothing of interest happens. It is also a pathetic way of blog-survival, I’m almost constantly working on nothing to provide the desired fodder. As according to the Way-of-the-Flutter-Flutter, everyday I wait for Inspiration to hantam me over the head.




Sometimes the aim is good and I get a flying tackle, sometimes it just misses to whack another lucky bastard.....




Since I'm not into goth nor suicidal nor like to blog abt sad stuff, my entries are mostly a compilation of the funny happenings and any interesting pasts in my Life.




Hence it acts as a compact morale-booster to remind me that happy things did indeed happen to me in times when I hit one of Life's potholes. Yes, rather like a flower-press. Brings a smile to my face :).




Which is also the reason why this conversation was being held:



‘Your rendition of the JPB song damn funny know? I laugh like crazy when you went 'Oops'! Very entertaining!’


To which I said, a bit too truthfully (but hoping to be overruled), ‘Well, blogs tend to be more interesting than the real person….’


To which the person replied without pause, straight-faced, ‘Very true.’










.....Choujidan.... -_-*









I’m glad to have met certain people and they very recently, in fact only yesterday, lightened me up with their glitzier lifestyle (read: eat, drink and be merry).


Frankly, other than the preoccupation of sexual craze resulting from sex deprivation, a stash of porn, a precious sacred Kama Sutra-Illustrated and a really horrible singing voice, I am without any other known vices.



Not because I think they are morally wrong. But because I just can’t hold my liquer, I don’t know how to count the odds in gambling and smoke gives me a headache.



Hopefully, their life has not been dimmed by mine.

Out!

AKK




Incidentally, that’s also why I don’t like being ‘tomorrow-ed’, I think some ppl think I did my cover becos I wanted my fame and fortune, but pls, let it be clear now that I don't need it, neither want it. I've had it last time and didn't like it. (I never thought I actually needed a disclaimer like this...but I think I better put it down). I'm getting some really freaky strange comments as it is, which I don't enjoy.



While most of these posts are happy ones, I can’t possibly go through my life always churning out happy, shiny entries. Life does not run this way and sometimes, although I’m happy, it’s hardly bloggable. This time, it’s just because I’m in the company of a great fren after sneaking out of the office ard lunctime, binged at 2 different cafes, an atas restaurant and a fricking cold pub all in a day.


I managed to meet another fren who is damn cute and funny herself and who wasn’t that pissed that I made her wait 1 hour for me. Then, in the course of said-day, I met more new frens, drank my first red, had my first bite of damn atas lamb chop and down a vodka lime wearing a fleece jacket. This kind of life and company doesn’t come everyday…



So thank you all, especially to the original 2 frens, for the great time I’ve had!


I should also say 'We should do this often!' but then only one of them is Singapore-bound.




Oh heck, see u in Dec then.

40 comments:

zhi yang said...

i think your writing is mighty fine. you shouldn't be bothered to change anything, unless of course you're loving the attention from tomorrow.

stoned.nerd said...

attention is fleeting, what you hold close to your heart is forever.

everybody blogs for different reasons. i reckon if you foolishly choose to blog to entertain, perhaps blogging might then take on another dimension. it could give you a high, or it could just be a slippery slope all the way down.

anyway keep on writing. nice read this.

Ang Ku Kueh said...

God help me! that's a damn fast comment! Attention from tomorrow? Been there and done that. I mostly write for bloggers who's been reading me up already and vice versa. If I had more guts, I'll put up that 'not-free' banner thingy.... As it is, bubs nominated and he's a great fren, so hell.

Tempest Blue said...

You don't have to explain yourself to any of us, we love you anyway! :-)

Tempest Blue said...

And.. I burst out laughing at the heat-shock joke.

Jayaxe said...

Wah liew, the durian thing is damn lame lor!! Haha.

But then, you don't have to funny to get noticed or 'tomorrowed'. If you write well, people will read. Or maybe you get bonus readership if you write controversial stuff.

Acey Deucey said...

Gee, it is not "kindda depressing". It IS depressing.

lancerlord said...

At least you can belt out 2 jokes. Put me in that situation, I cannot even tell a joke. I got a poor memory. Lao liaoz!

ivanny said...

haha... yeah u dun haf to bother explaining urself... i think ure fine just as it is... lol

same here... put me in that joke-telling situation and i think i can only utter my name...

wat's that tommorrow thingy ar? i've heard abt it but dunno wth is it really...

Li-er said...

Heez... You have a cold sense of humor man!

Like I have mentioned before somewhere, it's understandable that pple are kinda different offline and online. We play around with words to make our writing more interesting. Read everything with a pinch of salt. Write when you feel like it. Just be yourself! =)

kachuaz said...

wahah..the hect shock joke, dun think people outside the biotech field will understand leh. abit the too "chim". keke...

frenie said...

ur second joke abt the liew lian is damn funni lah. lol

akk, I also more interesting online.lol

Woof! said...

ure blog never ceases to amuse and entertain! It's truly a pleasure reading it..

zhi yang said...

ya, i only discovered your blog via tomorrow and i was very amused by your JPB song and even contemplated using it as my ringtone, but of course i didn't in fear of public ridicule :p

Ah 9 said...

hmmm...*brain cramp*

Winter said...

hey sweetie, i envy that 2 friends who met you up...:P

i think i noe them.. hehehe.. do i??

like wat tempest blue mentioned, we love you just the way you are. I am always looking forward to reading your posts. More interesting posts to come... :P

stars_of_rain said...

Hey Akk, just ignore them and blog like normal k? We all love you no matter how much/little publicity you get. JIayou!

Ed, Edd & Eddy !!! said...

Honest and refreshing post AKK,not at all loserish. :)

Bubblemunche said...

I deserve to be stoned for the tomorrow thingy :(!!!!

But before that, I need to post this entry to Tomorrow first because it's a good and frank account.

KIDDING :D!

lilbro said...

haha wah zeh u just earned my utmost respect.
At least you blog for a purpose.. not like some bloggers who only care how popular they are and bitch like theres no tomorrow when someone threatens their own popularity by putting up an outrageous entry ;P
take care..

hitomi said...

Arrgghhh... I didn't know you'll come out of "hiding" else I would've asked for an autographed copy of your single or even a pic with the famous JPB singer. ;)
Anyway, ganbatte yo. At least I find your blog interesting enough to keep coming back for more. :)

nadnut said...

who is your friend who waited an hour?

she must have a lot of patience!!!

barneysaurus said...

My goodness, I totally love lame jokes! Especially the lame ones!

:)

Cake said...

hahahahaha!!

Let me tell you one!

A match stick scratched his head.

AND HE DIED!

*crickets*

Never akk. next time you can tell me. Then i laugh at you, you laugh at me. entertain ourselves, since no one wants to entertain us.

muahahahha.

Jaywalk said...

Ringtone... now that is an excellent idea!!!!

Ang Ku Kueh said...

tempest:

stop gushing! hehehehe....said 1 fellow lab rat to another...

jayaxe:

hehehe...i dun need, last time i crave, now i dun. so u like the lame joke, heheheh...try on ur frens leh!

acey:

u have been warned mah! heeheh...

lancerlord:

at least it's on MSN hor, can quickly google some, then cut and paste, heheeh..

ivanny:

hehehe....actually this post is not abt explaining myself, it's about me feeling apologetic to my frens for appearing less interesting than in my blog. *hopefully, they din notice!* as for tomorrow? er...i removed the link liao, but it should be tomorrow.com.sg, i think. go check it out.

li-er:

I am myself, no need to worry. I just dun have material for blogging, so i talk abt this, ahahaha....

kachuaz:

hahahah...i know leh!. he said, 'try me.' so i tried lor!

frenie:

aren't we all, dearie! hehehe....except for some bloggers i met....

woof!:

indeed a compliment of the highest order. i thank u. :)

zhiyang:

ringtone??!!! ya lor...damn paiseh....ehhehe, wun want to be in ur shoes when ur phone rings, scarly induce deafness! be careful! :)

ah 9:

wat I do? hehehe.....

vanna:

hehehe...no need to envy them because I greatly appreciate those 2 frens who met with me. hey guys, hear this?? treat me! muahahaha....

thanks for reading my blog, dearie!

stars:

awww.....so sweet lor! *hugz*

Ang Ku Kueh said...

ed:

kam siah! it felt good writing this entry.:)

bubs:

muahahaha! so now u know! *whack* i was too paiseh to say it out, cos i was thinking no one would bother, hehehe....but thanks for the nomination anyway, that i could make the invincible bubs nom me, wah.....lottery...hehehe

but no more leh...hehehehe...or i whack u again!

lilbro:

u are my QC and greatest influence in the blog, thanks for ur support and ur respect. To earn it this way is a great achievement for me, u'll not know. I, OTOH, salute you for ur steadfastness in ur support, ur deteriorating eardrums and ur maturity in knowing the difference between right and wrong. all the best in ur studies, man! One more thing, u dun have to make me proud of u with ur results, becos i know how hard u studied. And I'm already proud of u anyway. :)

hitomi:

ehehehe...thank u.

nadnut:

You lah! haiyah! sorry lah! hahaha....yes yes, patience of iron and steel, ok? thanks, gal!:)

barney:

hur hur....i believe there's another joke by the cuckoo cake u should read in here...hehehe...that one quite ultimate....:)

cuckoo cake:

wah lau!!! that's even worse than mine, hahahaha.....barneysaurus can join in leh, heheh...

jaywalk:

oh pls, u go ahead hor, just remember the 'hospital bill' disclaimer! heheheh...u have been warned!

JellyGirl said...

I always enjoy reading your blog because of your sense of humour in recounting an incident and of course your ongoing 'lo-mance' with washboard abs A. :D That's what makes your blog real.

nadnut said...

hahha. i SAW washboards abs A.

arent u guys jealous?

lalalalaaa

Chaichakri said...

AKK,

I am always amazed with ur postings! so funny ler.

Hey, i also have this virtual/ real-life dilemna. Online, i have such a strong following, but in real life so girl-friendless.....

Geez........

Zen|th said...

I don't be bothered by what other people say. As long as you know the truth, that's good enough.

Ang Ku Kueh said...

jellygirl:

thank u so much, currently, most of the interesting bloggable things are coming from going out with him, ehehehehe, but we have both been 2 busy to meet.

nad:

heheeh....very coincidental hor? i almost swallowed my tongue...

kitjar:

hehehe...thank u! nice to know u liked the entries. wish u all the best in getting a GF/BF, heheeheh (I read ur entries....).

zenith:

words of a wise man, I shall remember.:) It is good enough, but sometimes I'd like u guys to know also.:)

Derrick said...

it all used to be.. a .. a simple diary.. then it became.. a blog.. wendy came into the picture, kenny became famous, and god knows, everything is possible with blogs, blogs and more blogs. gee

Chaichakri said...

Hey AKK,

Thanks for dropping by my blog. I just need to clarify..... Somehow, people get the perception that I am gay......

Hey, that's blasphemous!!!!!
So what's with watching gay porn.....
I want a GIRLFRIEND, not a BF

Urrggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!

-The Strider- said...

Stumbled into your blog.

You are anything but boring.

Now I must find time to read all your earlier entries...

averilchan said...

AKK...I OFFICIALLY DECLARE MYSELF YOUR BIGGEST FAN!!! And I'd definitely be the first in line to buy your JPB Record if you ever wanna dabble in stardom...And please continue writing...

-replays your clip for the 15th time in the last 5 hours-

Ang Ku Kueh said...

derrick:

funny how something can grow to this type of proportion.:) oh well, we adapt. let's go find some rock to hide under...hehhe...i would.:)

kitjar:

it's OK, DAHHH-Linnggg....


strider:

hohoho....be my guest....then must have eye protection also, hehehe...


averil:

And ME! I'm your FAN too!!! :)

k.t.x said...

ur long windedness always seem justified and carried through with a certain momentum, not to mention the huge spaces that u hv in between paragraphs had me (and most, i m sure), scrolling and rolling the mouse to an unprecedented level... just to read your blog.

hehehe.

marsha said...

Damn, all of you guys got so many jokes to tell each other. Someone tells me a joke, I explode in Laughter and then tomorrow i try to retell it, i forget already!

curse short memory.

but the matchstick one damn good!!

:-)

wally said...

oh my goodness, your blog is getting more popular by the day! soon enough you'll won't even see my comment liao...